Monday, November 06, 2006

Vote URI!

  • As an Eagle Scout, he not only earned the Citizenship in the Community merit badge, but also the Citizenship in the Nation and Citizenship in the World merit badges. This makes him a prime candidate for public office.

  • He has a three point platform, and triangles are the most stable structure in the natural world.

  • Once while on a camping trip, a coyote threatened his family. He punched that coyote in the face and sent it packing. He would do the same for you when the terrorists come.

  • He has a winning or undefeated record against every foreign nation he's ever declared war upon.

  • He is a Pro at Life.

  • He is Korean (the good one not the evil one).

  • He's not afraid to kiss babies or own dogs to earn public favour. And because he's so efficient, he'll probably just kiss a baby dog.

  • His opponent is a practicing thespian and a consummate homo sapien.

  • He's a strong supporter of the "Three Day Work Week" initiative.

  • He promises not to vote on any issues you don't care about.

  • By regularly exposing himself to Popeyes, he has developed an immunity to the bird flu pandemic, and he'll keep on working for YOU while you're slacking off to lie around and vomit.

  • He will not air any TV ads, call you at home, or knock on your front door. He will use his campaign funds for a lavish party.

  • Accident adds to scrutiny of Roloff family
    "BUTT SEX!" shriek almost 2,000 women, rearing up from their chairs.
    Public Enemy Number One going back to jail, but has the blueprints for an escape

    tagged as lists, politics | permalink | 6 comments


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