Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The Hospitality Rider

Some people might say that the greatest perk of being a celebrity must be the money, the fame, or the endless parade of groupies. In my opinion, the best part is probably the backstage contract -- the one that stays exactly what must and must not be present in the celebrity dressing room, no matter how ridiculous or hard-to-get the goods are. Were I a bona fide celebrity (and not just one in my mind) I would milk the hospitality rider for maximum entertainment value (after which I would take all the money and open an alligator petting zoo in South Florida).

This topic comes to mind after seeing the contract for Kevin Federline . If he can get 6 one-liter bottles of water that's not Evian by having no talent, then surely the rest of us are entitled to much much more! Here are some other interesting requests, taken from the Smoking Gun's archive of riders .

Dressing Room #1 for Kenny G should be equipped with large clean floor carpet, nice fresh flower arrangement with Japanese flair, two eight foot tables with table cloths and skirts, two lamps, two chairs, sofa, two tables, closet, or clothes rack with hangers, AC outlets, mirror, soap, twelve towels, shower and lavatory facilities with access to only Kenny G (that Kenny G must sweat like a hog)

Carrot Top will require the services of a female masseuese. All arrangements are the sole responsibility of the Purchaser or Promoter. Masseuse will need to provide the following: Massage table with clean sheets and oils. (I don't even want to picture this...)

One package of Soya Kaas Soy Cheese Full Fat Mozzarella or Cheddar
One bottle of Echinacea Capsules
One small bottle of Flintsones Vitamins with Extra Vitamin C
One small bottle of Chewable Vitamin C Tablets
(Christina Aguilera has scurvy. ARR.)

Please Note All Beer is Bottled Beer!
1 Case Rolling Rock or a Local Domestic Bottled Bear
4 Cases Heineken
1/2 Case Guiness Stout
1 5th Cuervo Tequila
1 5th Stollt or Absolut Vodka
1 5th Jack Daniels Black
2 5ths Moet White Star Champagne
3 Very Good French White Chardonnays
3 Very Good French Red Bordeauxs
2 Mouton Cadet Red Wines
2 Jacobs Creek or Black Opal Australian White Wine
1 Medium Quality Port or Sherry i.e. Sandimint
(I guess this explains why U2 can only remember two chords)

Four 150g Bags of Haribo Gold Bears Gummi Bears. Must be Haribo Gold Bears.
One 298g can of Campbell's Chicken with White & Wild Rice Soup
(This is really killing Marilyn Manson's hardcore image)

1 Assortment of Adult Magazines (i.e. Penthouse, Playboy) (Slash is taking matters into his own hands)

Air guitar comes to cotton
Aussies blame tickets on dead guy
Salesmen at US dealership leave cheeky messages to customers

tagged as random | permalink | 0 comments


Previous Post: Newsday Tuesday


Next Post: Super BU

 

You are currently viewing a single post from the annals of URI! Zone history. The entire URI! Zone is © 1996 - 2019 by Brian Uri!. Please see the About page for further information.

Jump to Top
Jump to the Front Page


November 2006
SMTWHFS
1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930
BIRTHDAYS
BLOGLOG
09/10
09/09
07/11
03/15
12/16

OLD POSTS
Old News Years J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
J F M A M J
J A S O N D
visitors since November 2003