Tuesday, May 23, 2006

BU's Guide to Effective and Efficient Wisdom Teeth Removal

  • 1996: Make a website. Give it a unique name like "The [last name] Website", where [last name] is your last name with some random punctuation appended.

  • July 2005: Use said website to brag that you have not been to the dentist since the Hokies went to (and lost at) the Zirconium Diamond Bowl in 2000 .

  • July 2005: In an effort to be a more productive and active senior citizen (rapidly approaching the ripe old age of 27, I might add), make a resolution to visit the dentist, and do so. Receive dire warnings that your wisdom teeth must come out immediately or they will explode like devious nanotech bombs, to the detriment of your beautiful pink gums, which are the same colour as the watch you thought was silver.

  • August 2005: Weigh the pros and cons of removing said teeth. Use a bathroom scale that is fine-tuned enough to weigh arguments. Decide that wisdom teeth removal is a dumb idea since they've never caused any problems, other than creating hard-to-brush spots.

  • October 2005: See, in person, the agony someone goes through when they DON'T get their wisdom teeth out and the teeth get infected, resulting in emergency surgery. Realize that you don't really like applesauce, and you would probably not want to be eating applesauce mixed with painkillers and antibiotics for a week. Decide that maybe preventative removal isn't such a bad idea after all.

  • November 2005: Get a gig playing second trumpet in Mikado. Put off the wisdom teeth removal because it would adversely affecty your embouchure and you would sound like a freshman trumpet major.

  • December 2005: Put off the removal for another month, because it's holiday season, and wouldn't it suck to not be able to eat any tasty foods?

  • January 2006: Put off the removal for another month, because it's cold out, and no one likes to be driving around when it's cold out. Am I right?

  • February 2006: Put off the removal after hearing that your trumpet professor is retiring, and decide to do it immediately following his retirement concert in April, where you will play songs as if you were in a marching band again (yet in a very tiny auditorium).

  • April 2006: Play in said concert and immediately write "Make an appointment to get wisdom teeth taken out" on your planner, immediately before "Get an audition on LOST as Jin's brother".

  • May 11, 2006: Make the appointment with the oral surgeon listed on the referral from your dentist.

  • May 12, 2006, 10 AM: Get a call from the surgeon saying that since your work's insurance provider has changed in the past year, the new provider will not cover any work done at that office.

  • May 12, 2006, 11 AM: Get a call from the surgeon saying that the provider called back and said it was a mistake, and that your work IS covered.

  • May 12, 2006, 12 PM: Get a call from the surgeon asking you to call them back.

  • May 12, 2006, 3 PM: Call the surgeon's office to hear that the provider won't pay anything after all, since the networks are different.

  • May 13, 2006: Find out that to get a new referral to go to a new oral surgeon, you will have to visit your new dentist. Decide that wisdom teeth removal is not so important that you would undergo another routine cleaning purely to get a referral.

  • May 13, 2006: Give up. Better luck next year. What's the worst that could happen?

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