Monday, February 20, 2006
Linsday Jacobellis led the pack by 100 yards when she tried to show off on the last jump and bombed out, allowing some Swedish boarder to get the gold instead. Without a doubt, this is the best and most American way to inaugurate "snowboard cross" as a legitimate Olympic event. It would be like the ice dancers trying to fit in one extra twizzle and then faceplanting in the arena. Not that I ever watched any ice dancing. Nope.I think it's funny that all of our winter athletes became U.S. citizens within the last three months, and they all have names like Ilyvana Petropavlovisk.I lost $20 in poker on Saturday night and there's a picture of a snowman saying, "Remember the Poop" on my marker board.My watch battery died on Friday morning and the date reset to the year I got it -- 1995, before flickering out for good. Eleven years seems to be a decent shelf-life for a watch battery. Until I go out and get a new battery though, I have to use the DERR DERR DERR DERR alarm on my clock to wake me up which is much less appetizing than the nearly inaudible beep-beep of the watch. I have twenty years of "waking up to a watch" experience which should please any future wives that might want to sleep late some day. I say "wives" because I may move to Utah to spice up these entries a little bit.My house assessment went up by 50% this year, which means that I'm now very rich (should I ever decide to move away), but I pay an asscrack-load of taxes. Even though Loudoun County is reducing the tax rate this year, my overall property tax is still going to increase by over a thousand dollars. Do not be alarmed if you don't get any Christmas presents this year. It's amazing that my little plot of land, which is barely one-tenth of an acre could be worth 106,572 2-piece meals at Popeyes. I'm sure it has to do with the living room, which I rearranged this weekend to maximize the use of space (it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm a serial rearranger, and I could make a joke about writing marching band scores of Schoenberg, but that joke is not universally appealing, and I'm only doing this for the advertising revenue, so I won't).The last time Baylee the dog visited my house, we made the mistake of letting her chase the laser pointer around the living room. Three weeks later, she's fixated on locating that little red dot, and resorts to throwing herself against the walls and running around in frantic circles. Ugly people are a drag on society When you can't scare anyone with a blow torch, it's time to turn yourself in You'd think people would learn their e-mail lesson by now
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