Friday, October 28, 2005

Friday Fragments

A weekly column which eliminates any need for coherency

  • The Hokie's new uniform is funky-looking. Asymmetrical styles don't appeal to my anal sense of order and the white lines on the shoulders make them look like one of those costume shirts with the naked lady outline (generally worn by an obese redneck). Luckily the uniforms don't seem to affect the efficacy of their offense, since they beat BC 30-10.

  • Frank Beamer was quoted in the Post as saying something to the effect of "For Nike, we change uniforms." It's cute that he resisted getting new uniforms until Nike decided to pay him $80,000 to go with the millions of dollars he gets for being a coach.

  • I think it's funny that the announcer on the field had visual aids which she used to demonstrate how one of the player's broken arms was repaired. I also find it amusing that they give the female announcer all the "public interest" type stories (like who travelled a million miles to see their son play and why Michael Vick is a father figure) rather than anything pertinent to the game itself. Which ESPN programmer was the first person to say, "Put some boobies down on the field but don't let her say anything useful"?

  • This is my new favourite example of why people shouldn't be allowed to participate in the elective process: a mayor in Prince George's County enacts a policy to intercept all police mail, gets charged with assaulting people, throws hissy fits at meetings, and then fires the police chief and takes over the department herself. The country would be better off if I had the final say in all elections, and I would probably be pretty well off after hiding all the bribes I get from the IRS.

  • Here's another entertaining example of Amber's learning disability. Watch as she tries to catch the flow of water out of the faucet by biting it! As a postscript, she wasn't upset about being soaked until after she got out (605KB WMV)
    In other cat news, my sister who lives in a house the size of a cubicle with a husband, two dogs, and two cats, just got another kitten. That's an obscene amount of fauna.

  • I'm not counting the husband as one of the fauna, but to each his own.

  • McDonald's runs their burger meat through a metal detector before shipping it out in the name of quality. I don't know if this is a new initiative since 9/11, but it's a good idea -- a terrorist explosion of a Happy Meal would be abominable. Get it? Ha ha!

  • Does anyone seriously go to McDonald's in search of healthy food? All you really need to know is that the chicken products will kill you one day later than the beef products. If you're ordering the salad, you're wasting your money.

  • Really fast turn signals make me agitated. There's no reason why they should make cars with an epilepsy-inducing blink rate, unless they plan to use them to patrol the perimeter of a Maximum Security Prison for the Criminally Epileptic. I also get annoyed when I turn the car off and the windshield wipers get stuck halfway. I will start the car again just to return them to the rest position. Share some of your neuroses in the comments section!

  • The Marching Virginians screwed up the VPI Victory March last night, with half the band playing one beat behind the rest of the band for about 15 seconds. I'm not quite sure how that is possible. The scenarios I have come up with involve one drum major with a vendetta against the other over a baby of questionable parentage, or a segment of the crowd that's so drunk they leave off one letter when spelling out "H-O-K-I-E-S Hokies", thus throwing the band off.

  • I don't understand why Ambilight (the glowing light that comes out of the sides of a wall-mounted Philips TV) makes your viewing experience so much better. Isn't it just lighting up the wall around your TV? Wouldn't you want the area around the TV dark to better see the contrasts on the screen itself? I guess I'm behind on the technology curve.

  • Can you tell I wrote this update last night while watching the football game?

  • Introducing Booty with Ambilight. Enhance your Booty enjoyment by pretending she's a low rider on a country road at night, and making vroom vroom noises as she walks into your room.

  • I don't think my $20 ukelele from Target is going to get here until November 2. That's disappointing, especially since the estimated delivery date on their site was October 27.

  • I feel like this year is going by ridiculously fast -- only 57 shopping days until Christmas! I have purchased about 20% of the Christmas gifts I plan on buying and still don't know what to get several other people.

  • I have a variety of Halloween stuff going on this weekend, as well as another rehearsal for Mikado on Saturday morning. On Sunday, I'm arranging the Westfield High School fight song so middle schoolers can play it. This afternoon my Dad and I will be laying the carpet in the upstairs guest room, which is probably my last major house beautification project for a couple months. As the holidays approach, I want to start the next level of certification for Java programming, so I can put another line on my resumé and rake in the big bucks. I also plan on hosting Thanksgiving Dinner four times next month because I am slightly masochistic and stuffing is tasty.

  • Have a good weekend!

  • Peppin said that, seen on the X-ray, the cookie resembled organic material that could be a raw component of a homemade bomb.
    It looked like cracked pepper at the time. But it had a real strong odor ... a foul odor.
    If he succeeds, it will be his crowning acheivement - doubly impressive since he clearly didn't get Claudia Schiffer up the duff despite his legendary powers.

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