Thursday, April 20, 2006

Higher Education Week: Fifteen Things I Learned in The Real World

  1. Your productivity will increase by 10% if you work from home rather than at the office.

  2. Always share an office with someone who spends most of their time on a customer site. That way you have a single office that's twice as big as a normal single, and no one can complain because you do, in fact, have an officemate.

  3. The average office employee will spend two or more hours out of their day not doing anything work-related. This amount increases if the employee smokes.

  4. The only skill you retain from college is how to work towards a deadline. The actual content of the knowledge you learned there is irrelevant.

  5. If you have someone on your team that listens to their voicemail over speakerphone, it is highly likely they have at least two more annoying habits.

  6. There is no such thing as a company motivational poster that actually does its job.

  7. Employees who seem "young" tend to get twice as much work done as their older counterparts, and they can even manage this after spending most of the time goofing off.

  8. If your job is 100% company-internal, or 100% schmoozing with customers, it is irrelevant. If your job somehow bridges the gap between these two, it is very important, but will never be recognized as such.

  9. Nothing worthwhile ever comes out of a meeting with more than four people in it.

  10. If some aspect of your job is highly divisive and handled differently on other teams, there will not be a corporate policy for it. Once someone finally gets around to making a corporate policy, team leaders will think it's too strict (or not strict enough) and do their own thing regardless.

  11. The people with the nicest offices and office furniture spend the least amount of time in the office.

  12. People who go out to eat for lunch every single day don't seem to realize that they're prolonging the amount of time they spend at work or interacting with people they can't wait to get away from at the end of the day.

  13. The more antsy you get about getting your security clearance, the longer it will take.

  14. If your company has an employee stock program of some kind, everyone will talk about it but no one will really be sure what it's all about.

  15. Even in a tech company, there will be tech-illiterate workers.

I will be out of town for the rest of the week, wasting gas money to visit clowns of yore, so there will be no Friday Fragments column tomorrow. Feel free to write your own and post it in the comments section. Have you added yourself to the URI! Zone Frappr Map yet ? See you all on Monday!

The game where your hamster devours you
This is not the time or place for grenades
Because faking six babies is so much easier than faking one

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