Friday, April 07, 2006

Friday Fragments

Rachel gets to be in the tagline because it's her birthday today

  • Banquet Chicken Pot Pies have cost-cut, and now their pie tin is made of cardboard instead of aluminum foil. This is not good news for the crust-taste, which is 95% of the reason you eat a pot pie.

  • The essay portion of the Java exam was about as exciting as the staid one-story testing facility I took it in on Herndon Parkway. I did have to share the testing room with some guy taking a different test, and I'm sure I distracted him with my machine-gun style of typing on a keyboard, especially since the spacebar had years of accumulated human filth on it and would almost stick with a satisfying click after every word. Luckily the four essay questions only took about twenty minutes to answer so I was out of his hair quickly. I could have stayed for the full two hours.

  • I want to see Inside Man because I like heist movies, or any movie with intricate puzzle-like details.

  • Now I get to wait for four to six weeks for the results of my exam. In the meantime, I will start logistical planning and syllabus-writing for a Java course I'll be running at work starting in the Fall. If I pass the certification exam, I think I'll pretend to be one of those arrogant self-righteous professors that everyone's had to deal with in academic settings. I'll get a little button made and wear it in class and then demean and ridicule the adult students until they snap and bring a gun to work.

  • Did you have a parachute in elementary school gym? About once a month or so, our physical education classes, led by Mrs. Joyner and Mrs. Balthasar, would whip out this brightly coloured defective tablecloth and force the kids to stand around it. For the entire period, we would have to shake it up and down, raise it up and then duck underneath it, or just try to make a dodgeball roll through the hole in the middle. Occasionally we'd try to run in a circle so the parachute would spin, but people would always end up stepping on other people and collapsing. To this day, I see zero health benefit from shaking a parachute. Why was this such an integral part of gym?

  • We warmed up for gym in elementary school by running barefoot around the edge of the room jumping over cones while the greatest dance hits of the 80s played off of records over the loudspeakers. The gym served a double purpose as an auditorium, so whenever the parents had to come in for back-to-school night, the entire room reeked of foot odour from two hundred sweaty, nasty prepubescents.

  • Eminem divorced his ex-wife, Kim, three months after remarrying her. Who didn't see this coming?

  • I got a voicemail on Wednesday night from Shac, who resurfaced out of the past like a sperm whale on holiday. What the heck are you doing in Arkansas, Shac?

  • If you missed yesterday's comments section, you can hear James Blunt sings Goodbye My Lover as Alvin the Chipmunk, provided by Rob . It really distills Blunt down to his bare soul, which apparently is, "let me sing a lot of words in falsetto using only two and a half pitches". I was very tempted to add a techno dance beat underneath it, but then realized that simpler is better, and requires less effort.

  • I finished Book I of the His Dark Materials trilogy, and it was quite the satisfying read. It's not fantasy in the typical sense, because it also mixes in healthy doses of the modern world, religion, and science.

  • Happy 25th Birthday to Rachel today! Happy 27th Birthday to Ben Ahlbin tomorrow! Happy 24th Birthday to Diana diBiase tomorrow! April is really a watershed month for acquaintances' birthdays. I know what YOUR parents were doing in August! Eww.

  • My mom's birthday fast approaches and Kim's follows soon after. This is a good thing because then she (Kim) can no longer make fun of me for being old and crotchety without being in the line of fire herself. In the Line of Fire was a great movie, but why do Clint Eastwood and Woody Allen only make movies where chicks swoon over them?

  • No major plans this weekend, although it's getting warm enough to begin doing domesticated things like mowing the lawn soon. Last weekend, I cleaned out my shed with a shop vac and sucked up all the mouse poop from the determined mouse that resisted all my winter traps and destroyed a tarp.

  • Have a good weekend!

  • Eva Longoria's so fat, planes could land on her belly
    Lazy mole rats that get fat to have sex
    Rich women want hot men

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