Friday, November 04, 2005
Because it's Friday and no one wants to read a novel$75,000 in bull semen was stolen from a Maryland farm this week. There are so many ways to make fun of this crime that my head has exploded and is now leaving a trail of brain fluids wherever I walk, much like the what will happen to the thief's thawing cargo should he not own a portable freezer. The authorities have already brainstormed ways to catch the crook (like a lack of genetic paperwork at a sale), so this should really be a seminal step in building a nationwide repository of information to prevent future thefts.That's actually a picture of a lady siphoning bull semen up there. I did a search hoping to find a funny cartoon of some kind and ended up with that. Google Images wins again. I'm not sure why she needs such thick ocean-blue gloves, but maybe she's trying to trick some seamen.For every reporter that gets to write about frozen bull extracts and men dying from having sex with horses, there is one poor reporter who gets to write about what is in Bush's pockets. This is the journalistic equivalent of that lady on the football field who doesn't get to say anything important.How long should Molly the Llama wear that pumpkin on her head? I'm all about some leaving holiday decorations up for far too long.I'm listening to the new movie soundtrack of the musical, RENT, which arrived from Amazon yesterday. I didn't even realize that someone was attempting to turn it into a movie but it comes out at Thanksgiving time. All of the Broadway artists reprise their roles on the CDs except for Mimi and Joanne. So far, the arrangements are cleaner and tighter (though the singers are obviously older sounding), which may or may not be a good thing. I'll have to listen to it all the way through before I can form a good opinion on it.Also in the same package was the second season of Arrested Development on DVD and a Mitch Hedberg comedy CD, mitch all together. Mitch Hedberg is one of the few stand-up comedians that I find hilarious -- his material isn't necessarily the funniest, but his stilted delivery makes most of it hysterical. Here's a sample: (444KB MP3). The CD also came with a DVD of his Comedy Central appearance and had both the aired and uncut versions of his show. This was interesting to watch, because the pacing and quality of the uncut version was painfully horrible and I nearly fell asleep, but it became much funnier when they chopped out all the stupid parts.As you can tell from yesterday's post, I have e-mail from eons ago still sitting in my mail client. I generally delete most of the school and work e-mail after a couple years, but I have e-mail from people as far back as 1996, even one-liners. I keep meaning to go through it all and perform a spring cleaning, but the longer I wait, the harder that task becomes.As examples of my pack rat tendencies, I have a one-line 2000 e-mail from Paige calling me a psycho for hiding a picture of Kermit the Frog in her notes months earlier (because we had a music teacher that sounded like Kermit), a 2001 e-mail from Anna, freaking out after 9/11 because she couldn't reach her family (she later found out that they had all gone to the beach for the week without telling her), and a one-line 2001 email from Kelley that just says "Hey, f_ck you buddy. Thanks for the thought though. Bitch." I don't remember the circumstances around that, but it is quite indicative of most of our e-mail communications.My copy of Finale arrives this afternoon. I'm looking forward to maybe doing a little composing now that I've been out of the game for a couple years. I went back and listened to my 2001 string quartet a few days ago and hate it now. There are lots of great ideas in it, but the transitions are horrible and it doesn't tie together as well as it did when I was immersed in it. If I could create a cow in my laboratory using the stolen bull semen, but I was able to use a different prize bull for each body part in the cow, then I stitched it all together, killed it, and put make-up on its corpse, that would be my string quartet. Analogies make things easier to understand.This weekend I'll be doing three performances of Gilbert & Sullivan's Mikado which means I have to make multiple car trips into the heart of Georgetown, far from any friendly Metro lines. On Sunday, I'm going to be cooking Thanksgiving dinner for a bunch of folks. Eating Thanksgiving leftovers for the rest of the week constitutes a good time in my world. I also need to do some raking at some point. Raking is fun when your backyard is adjacent to a forest -- I don't have to bag anything at all because I can just drag a big tarp full of leaves into the wilderness and leave them for dead.Have a good weekend! Bull semen. Brought to you by the letters W and Q, and the number 20 Mommy's in the closet! Marry me and win a free house!
"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it." - Mitch Hedberg
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