Monday, November 21, 2005

Based on the results of your quiz, you are a:

    Half-Assed Packrat

You save anything and everything that might have sentimental value eighty years from now, from plague-infected stuffed animals to wedding seating cards. Your computer is a veritable treasure trove of useless artifacts like this mockup of the state-of-the-art Lotus Notes intranet page you designed for Pepco at $5.50 an hour, or an MP3 of Blue Ribbon Brass cussing out Kelley Corbett when he slept through yet another recital hearing. You have 180 MB of Cat Movies alone, because you figure that fifty years from now you'll want to remember the time you put a sticky dot on Booty (3MB WMV).

Despite your hostile takeover of the Library of Congress, your collections are still incomplete and poorly organized. You devote entire weekends to sorting, pruning, and resorting your collections of intellectual junk, but then refuse to file any new bits after the sorting is done, because it's too much work to shift around the old stuff to make room for the new stuff. As the months pass, the unsorted portions outnumber the sorted portions and engulf them like a chubby Texan with a cheeseburger. Eventually, it's easier to leave everything unsorted, which means you can never find anything, which means you never look at your collections anymore.

Your pacqueroital tendencies are helped and hindered by the loss of data that always accompanies a reinstall of Windows XP, like the one you did on Saturday to rectify a Warcraft issue. You are too lazy to back up your work more than once every six months, and you are gullible enough to believe that the Windows installer can format a single OS partition while leaving all your data partitions untouched, even though you know it only has a 25% success rate. However, when you lose all the work you've done since July, you don't really care, because at the end of the day, you understand that none of it really matters anyhow. You are more concerned with the fact that it takes about a day and a half to reload all the programs you use.

So now you reload your archive of junk that you will never need, like the Diablo 2 save-game file for your frost-sorceress from 1998, or the birthday card you sent to Paige in 2003 using the Spaghettios font. You look at all the gaps in dates from previous hard drive crashes and wonder why you keep all that garbage around when it's not even complete anymore. You resolve that if you're going to save stuff, you're going to save it the right way. Starting next year.

P.S. You also like long walks on the beach and Ms. Right is just around the corner. Optimism is no longer just a fortune cookie.

Bush thwarted by locked door
Parents blame Warcraft for child's inability to understand gravity
Russian MPs have issued a final threat to TV stations to scale back on violent shows like The Simpsons if they want to avoid censorship.

Yesterday's search terms:
pee lovers.com, paige poythress, i want to go to the discotheque, ever eaten a penguin

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