Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Engagement FAQ Day

Q: Dude... wait, what?

A: If you missed the news that we're engaged, you can read the whole story here!

Q: What if Rebecca had said no?

A: Obviously, that would have meant that someone wasn't getting any mini eclairs. I'm a vindictive bastard when crossed.

Q: Where did you get the diamond?

A: The diamond was secretly smuggled out of a war torn province known as Arkansas in some poor redneck's pooper. Marcel Tolkowsky, himself, was brought back to life to perfect the diamond's Ideal cut, and the Motion Picture Association of America was lobbied heavily for its G rating.

Q: Is the engagement ring insured?

A: My homeowner's insurance has been updated to cover all physical loss or destruction, except in the following circumstances:

So, as long as I keep Rebecca away from metal-eating termites, rodents of unusual size, brothels, suitcase nukes, and Darfur, the ring is insured. Also, if we DO end up within the blast radius of a nuclear detonation, she'll need to remove the ring and throw it in a wooden building so it is destroyed by the resultant fire and NOT the dirty blast.

Q: Where and when will the wedding be?

A: The wedding will be held on a one mile floating chunk of the Antarctic ice shelf to bring visibility to the global warming crisis (we will be something of a shelf-help group). After the reception, guests will be invited to set the ice floe on fire to accelerate the flooding of useless coastal locales like Florida. The date of the wedding will depend on the rate of global warming and the time it takes for another piece of the ice shelf to break.

Q: What sort of music are you considering for this event?

A: Ceremony music will be provided by Mike (of Mike and Chompy), who will be playing a single tenor steel drum. Music for the reception will be provided by a twenty-tuba ensemble led by Doobie, performing arrangements by BU. The first dance will be to a tuba arrangement of Low, by Flo Rida.

People love angry-faced cars
State outlaws fish pedicures
Larry Flynt makes Sarah Palin porno

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