Friday, May 04, 2007

Friday Fragments

a blank check for the bored soul

♣ I just heard through the grapevine (where the grapevine is an e-mail from the dad) that Aaron and Lisa Ulm had their firstborn, Allison Elizabeth Ulm, last month. It now feels like there are BABIES EVERYWHERE, and I can't walk down the street without tripping over a misplaced baby. Allie Ulm was born just two days after Eleanor Ahlbin, which should give the latter a slight but noticeable advantage when they all compete on the first season of Infant Survivor.

♣ Even if you have no gladiatorial babies of your own, you should enter yesterday's Caption Contest, because the winner gets $10, which is easily enough to buy a baby in any developing third-world country or North Carolina.

♣ There aren't any babies in my own house (except when I lose at poker), but I do have a new cactus named Pointy in my basement. Pointy the Cactus takes the place of Moldy the Water Lily, which was a housewarming gift from Rod & Nikki in 2004. Moldy felt that my home was a hostile environment since being upstairs meant getting eaten by cats and being in the basement meant BU forgetting to keep it watered. Pointy will not care about water, but I'll have to watch out for little pricks.

♣ I did a security clearance interview for Anna on Tuesday, and the interviewer was covered in little pricks and nicks and scratches. Either he was the victim of a gerbil suicide bomber or he'd gotten into a heck of a barfight the night before.

♣ Anna first requested her clearance back in 2004 and she still doesn't have one yet. One of my bosses at work has been waiting for five years now -- meanwhile the guy in the office who's an Iranian National got his in just a couple years. Someone must have answered yes to the question, "Are you aware of any attempts by ____ to overthrow the U.S. government?"

♣ The interviewer really just wanted to know about Anna's years as a nomad, but unfortunately I couldn't provide any written evidence of bills and leases, since all of that took place more than three years ago (and avid readers of this site will remember that I bought a paper shredder that can also shred CDs and steak knives just a few months ago). It would be really helpful in situations like these if they printed leases on indestructible paper. I've already sent a letter to Johnson & Johnson and they're on the case.

♣ This weekend looks to be a busy one, though thankfully I won't be driving all over damnation like last weekend. On Saturday, I'll be having a Cinco de Mayo related Poker Night with plenty of limes and mayo (no one will be honking in my cinco though). On Sunday, we're going to finish off the hall bathroom for good, since our attempts last week were temporarily delayed by a leaky pipe inside the wall.

♣ Next week is the last full week before Mother's Day so make sure you have one (if you believe in mothers and celebrate this holiday). On Monday, former basement-dweller Eric will be returning to FGM after a year spent at Booz-Allen Hamilton, because apparently working for a company whose acronym sounds like "BAH HUMBUG" is not as fun as working for a company with the same acronym as "Female Genital Mutilation".

♣ Have a great weekend!

It's only okay when the smiley face does it
The best way to celebrate 50 years
Teacher Accused of Selling Kid's Jacket

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