Monday, April 02, 2007

Cost of Living Day

A little over a year ago, I did the math on how much it costs per day to be BU. Since most of my readers lack the perspicacity to realize that this is a cue to go back and read the old entry, I'll simply catch you up: In March 2006, a single day in my life was worth $68.01 and a full year required $24,825 in bills and Popeyes, and car insurance is the biggest scam since they decided to make AP classes worth more than a 4.0 in high school.

Here, then, is the "Cost of Being BU" for the new year. The first column in each table row is the cost from last year, and the second is my current cost, at the ripely tender age of twenty-seven.

20062007
Car Tax$0.24 per day, $90 per year$0.30 per day, $109 per year
I still have the same old pimpmobile I've had more the past six years, and it hasn't been upgraded with spinning rims or rapid-fire cannons, so why should the car tax go up? That extra bump probably went towards the new Claude Moore Recreation Center which boasts a water park and a rock-climbing wall and was obviously only made for the continuing pissing match with Fairfax County (note the phallic silo out front).
HOA Fees$0.40 per day, $147 per year$0.41 per day, $150 per year
Still the cheapest and least interfering HOA on the market. Now if only they could learn how to deposit checks within ninety days.
Popeyes$0.65 per day, $240 per year$0.62 per day, $226 per year
On rare occasions in this past year, I've actually worked until an ungodly hour like 2 PM on Fridays, which means I sometimes skip the Popeyes. I'm still a crowd regular though -- in the time it takes me to walk from the front door to the counter, one of servers has already prepared my bag of food, and the cashier will ring it up before I even open my mouth. That's service!
Water$0.71 per day, $260 per year$0.61 per day, $222 per year
I'm not sure why my water bill went down, but the quarter-inch layer of sediment covering 80% of my body suggests that I shower less. Or maybe it's because the cats are now only allowed to drink twice a week.
House Insurance$0.91 per day, $333 per year$1.13 per day, $414 per year
It's true that there's far more cool stuff in the BU-house this year, but the insurance company shouldn't know about any of that. Unless, of course, one of you scabs is a secret auditor and reporting everything I do in exchange for bribes in petty cash.
Phone Service$1.41 per day, $514 per year$1.40 per day, $512 per year
I'm paying roughly the same amount for the ability to screen all the unwanted calls from the Fraternal Order of the Moose Policeman, Mark Foley's Reelection Campaign, and Kelley and Shac wanting to hang out.
Cable$1.47 per day, $537 per year$0 per day, $0 per year
I cancelled this monetary black hole in January and haven't looked back. Thank goodness for free over-the-air HD!
Internet$1.57 per day, $576 per year$1.30 per day, $475 per year
Comcast purchased Adelphia right before I cancelled cable. Of course, they screwed up my cancellation order the first two times I called. After the second harassment, they erased one too many charges from my bill, so I am now paying less than I'm supposed to be paying for the luxury of Internet. I'm figuring that I can keep this going for about a decade as long as I have no service requests.
Trash Pickup$0.88 per day, $324 per year$0.98 per day, $357 per year
This bill is utter garbage. Hopefully with that extra thirty bucks, they'll train the workers to not block the driveway with the bins.
Car Insurance$2.53 per day, $924 per year$2.35 per day, $858 per year
This is a surprising plot twist in the tale of my insurance. Allstate finally realized that I am a safe driver (and not just because I took a moonlighting job transporting safes for the bank). The only accident I was ever involved in was when that girl in the brand new Ford Focus rear-ended the Dodge Spirit in 2000. I lost my bumper and she lost most of her car.
Electricity$2.63 per day, $960 per year$2.83 per day, $1036 per year
A reasonable amplification in charge for my revolting lifestyle.
House Tax$8.54 per day, $3120 per year$11.06 per day, $4040 per year
Real estate assessments skyrocketed last year and my bill rose accordingly. I blame Gonzales (both Alberto and Elian).
Mortgage$46.02 per day, $16,800 per year$46.02 per day, $16,800 per year
Despite all the other increases, my fixed-rate mortgage happily chugs along.

Grand Total: $69.03 per day, $25,199 per year

My cost of living has held surprisingly steady over the course of a year. This probably means that it is now safe to invest in a high-cost hobby like building model train sets, or becoming an independent reviewer of strip clubs. Alternately, I could write a book describing the secrets of my success, and sell it over the Internet!

Bono wants you to call him 'His Demigodness'
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Unfortunate saw-mill penis incident -- have a rabbit

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