Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Ethics Day

As part of an annual recertification at work, every employee must take an online course in Business Ethics. Because the denizens of the URI! Zone are a shady bunch, these highlights might be helpful in your own lives.


Socially aware customers are generally white, blonde, female, and braless (which raises two other ethical points, but only when it's cold outside).


Mimi is obviously more concerned with the fact that her coworker is a total tool-face.

In the corporate culture, the secret handshake generally requires you to slip exactly $427 in bribes as suavely as possible.

In this example, Marty wonders whether it was ethical to give that ear-training student a B+ in exchange for twelve bootleg copies of Practica Musica and MacGamut.


You know what else encourages whistleblowing? Traffic cops and marching bands.


James is also featured in the Sexual Harassment course, for his flesh-coloured shirt with boobies printed on the front.

However, ethical frameworks will not prevent your employees from being bitten by zombies.


When forming an ethics committee, always choose the pale guy with man-boobs as your Chief Officer.

Ethical frameworks are best conveyed to the company by strippers.


All issues will die in the "right and wrong" branch of the new corporate decision tree, because it is not in question form.

One ethical concern that has arisen is whether we should clone really fat sheep. Although it may feed many third world countries, the lambs run the risk of having body issues and baalimia. Always remember that you can't get something for mutton.

1) Do I really need this many pockets?
2) I could change into some jeans or introduce myself as "Party Pants".
3) If I change, I will not have as many pants-related pickup lines to use on Erika.
4) I'm sticking with the pants!
5) Erika chose Mark! What a tool-face.

Unfortunate Domain Names
UPS Driver gets final special delivery
Six-legged deer finds a new home

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