Comments Day

The newest feature to grace the URI! Zone is a custom-written database-driven Comments section which is light years ahead of the old file-based one. From a layman's perspective, having a file-based system would be akin to tracking my budget by writing on a brand new Post-It note every time I bought something and sticking it up on my wall for reference. This was fine in the days where it was just Mike complaining about exclamation points and Rob as Finicky correcting my grammar, but after years of hard use and heavy drinking, there were over a thousand little comments files (containing 3805 comments) littered across the server like so many rabbit droppings.

Putting it all into a database also lets me analyze the comments in life-changing and amusing ways. For example, who are the most prolific commenters in the history of the URI! Zone?

What are the names of posters who have only ever posted a single comment?

Hay, Cecilie, !, One less thing in sets of three, Jay-Z, Eleanor, hubcap, Maria, Dan, Teena, 12 of 12 Fun, Mr. E.P!, Jennifer Saunders, Elena, Bec, JaeTree, Zpitzen, That pickled person story, Alias, snowelf, Casper, l33t gur1, James, anti-political/pro-morality, The General Populace, Allison, Har har, some1, Catie, Joy T., mute, Seriously., Mike Saunders, Elaine, Lynda, Hubster, Could this really be an internet plot against me?, Alyssa Milano, Poun, Key West Chompy

What were the final posts of some readers who vanished into the ether?

What was post #222?

How often have people mentioned the following words in their comments?

love	154
hate	84
sex	45
Chompy	35
Doobie	34
Ella	25
llama	17
Boobies	12
222	6

What were the longest comments sections ever?

Aggressive Driving
Cheese Puns
Hurricane Katrina

Piglet with a monkey face
Angry man shoots lawn mower for not starting
Dying eight-year-old marries his sweetheart

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