This Day In History: 07/29
Operation Sidewalk has finished Phase III. We will be moving on to Phase IV: The Final Phase this weekend. My lot will be several tons heavier upon completion, and the subsequent sinking will make it so I don't have to stand on tiptoes to open the front door anymore. That was a short joke, get it? I'm short.Fantastic Four was a fun, cheesy superhero movie. Not a movie you'd want to see multiple times, but entertaining in an over-the-top way. I think the villain found the Green Goblin's evil mask at a yard sale and reused it.They're making a Transporter 2, another absurdly action-packed vehicle starring Jason Stratham, who also played fun badasses in Transporter, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and Snatch. This one looks like it'll be fun to watch, although the original (while good) wasn't exactly calling out for a sequel.Post-movie snacks were found at Bennigan's, a restaurant that I didn't even know existed anymore. The last time I was at a Bennigan's, Lionel Kiddie City was turning that frown upside down, and if you paid full price, you didn't buy it at Crown Books. Unlike Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, watching Fantastic Four did not have a deleterious effect on order times. On the way home, I saw a man standing in the street staring at the ground, and three major accidents, one involving a smoking car. The car was actually on fire -- I was not on the Orient Express.I also learned that in my nine-year absence, Springfield Mall has apparently become "the seedy mall". I always thought this distinction was given to Fair Oaks Mall, but I guess Fair Oaks is now the crappy mall, instead of the seedy, crappy mall. Other types of malls in our area include the local mall with nothing worth buying (Landmark), the mall where you lose ten pounds from walking before you get to a store (Potomac Mills), the mall where you go when your diamond shoes are too tight (Tysons), and the mall where your income must exceed the gross national product of Lithuania (Pentagon City).Oompa Loompa Girl has decided to get up close and personal with the past two years of my daily updates that she missed, and has chosen these phrases as some of the highlights:
It is implied that the past two years of my life were not all that exciting. Actually discovering which updates these phrases came from is left as an exercise for the reader.They are rewriting the Hardy Boys series for modern kids. Instead of Frank saying, "Come on, I found a swell clue!", Joe will say things like "Cleaning up crime? I'm into it. Cleaning up parrot poop? Not so much". I am not kidding about this . I wish I were. Coming soon from the same publisher, The Lion, The Witch, and the Clothes Closet.Here's a story about women who were disappointed they did not win free boobies . Women should stick with the boobies they already have -- most normal guys who don't live in a strip club will agree that natural boobies are always better than fake boobies. Boobies boobies boobies. Here are some more boobies in the news (Phyliss wants to go to the discotheque ). What do you think about boobies?I am in the portion of the population that does not put noses on their smilies. I think a face like :D is just as effective as :-D. I have been known to give my smilies extra eyes. ::)Three times in the past week, I have mistyped "bridge" instead of "bride". I don't think I have a subconscious fear of brides (yes, I mistyped it just then as well, so maybe I do), although I do think it would be cool, if impractical, to have a mail-order bridge (some assembly required, river not included).I tried a package of Tyson's precooked bacon this week. It requires 20 seconds in the microwave to prepare. No splashing grease, no messy ovens, and minimal clean-up are the perks. And since bacon is the GREATEST PIG MEAT EVER MADE (Disney movie coming soon, starring the pig from Babe), what could be better than instant bacon?The bacon was surprisingly tasty and crispy. The downside was that you only get 9 pieces for the price of a full normal bag of bacon. This means you are paying an additional 70 cents per ounce just for the convenience factor. It is left as an exercise for the reader to decide whether I weighed the bacon on my bathroom scale and calculated this figure, or whether I just read it off the price tag at Shoppers Food Warehouse. HINT: A hungry Booty would mar the scientific accuracy of any scale reading.The URI! Zone may be temporarily inaccessible this weekend as I upload all the new bits, but I'm going to charge cowboy into the Tenth Year of Inanity on Monday, August 1. That is not a Chinese year -- every year is the Year of Inanity around here. Can you believe this site has been around since 1996? My goal of world Uri!nation is not yet complete though. Please invite all your friends to start reading my site so we don't turn into a bunch of bluebloods.You should also post comments regularly, as we have a full complement of posters with interesting things to say now, including, but not limited to, the token Asian, the token black guy, the token liberal, the token conservative, the token guy who likes cheese, the token dog lover, and a majority of cat lovers. We also have between 2 and 5 attractive women posting at any given time. OMG GIRLS USE THE INTERNET!!!These ADD-inducing space-cadet posts are very fun to write. I admit though, that I blatantly stole the style from this blog . Originality is for the weak. I also plan on stealing the "News Highlights" idea from the ChompBlog next week. In exchange for my theft, I will plug their blogs. You should read them religiously, or just sort-of-daily if you are not the pious type.I now have a craving for bacon. Guess what's going into my shopping basket tomorrow morning. Lusty squirrels cause tree damage Chelsea Clinton is worth more cows than goats Paris Hilton's engagement ring too heavy
- inebriated Muppet performance syndrome
- I just enjoy foolishly sprinting everywhere in hopes of stealing the ball with my magnetic fingers.
- Who knows, the fact that they're great at decomposing may help me improve at composing.
- I could have tested the presumption that all Asians instinctively know kung fu.
- Perhaps the Greek word for legato is Epsilipsilopsiloop.
- I suppose uri.nl is a bad idea for a domain name.
- The moon in Herndon on the way to work is much bigger than it ever was in Centreville. I think it has something to do with property taxes.
- I took a long walk down the beach and discovered that the beach two miles south was also sandy like ours.
As part of an annual recertification at work, every employee must take an online course in Business Ethics. Because the denizens of the URI! Zone are a shady bunch, these highlights might be helpful in your own lives.
Unfortunate Domain Names UPS Driver gets final special delivery Six-legged deer finds a new home
Socially aware customers are generally white, blonde, female, and braless (which raises two other ethical points, but only when it's cold outside).
Mimi is obviously more concerned with the fact that her coworker is a total tool-face.
In the corporate culture, the secret handshake generally requires you to slip exactly $427 in bribes as suavely as possible.
In this example, Marty wonders whether it was ethical to give that ear-training student a B+ in exchange for twelve bootleg copies of Practica Musica and MacGamut.
You know what else encourages whistleblowing? Traffic cops and marching bands.
James is also featured in the Sexual Harassment course, for his flesh-coloured shirt with boobies printed on the front.
However, ethical frameworks will not prevent your employees from being bitten by zombies.
When forming an ethics committee, always choose the pale guy with man-boobs as your Chief Officer.
Ethical frameworks are best conveyed to the company by strippers.
All issues will die in the "right and wrong" branch of the new corporate decision tree, because it is not in question form.
One ethical concern that has arisen is whether we should clone really fat sheep. Although it may feed many third world countries, the lambs run the risk of having body issues and baalimia. Always remember that you can't get something for mutton.
1) Do I really need this many pockets?
2) I could change into some jeans or introduce myself as "Party Pants".
3) If I change, I will not have as many pants-related pickup lines to use on Erika.
4) I'm sticking with the pants!
5) Erika chose Mark! What a tool-face.
Weird Search Day
or "How I stumbled upon the URI! Zone"
Today is Mike's (of Mike's and Chompy's) lucky day, since the number of strange Google searches are increasing exponentially, and leaving enough search terms for more than one Weird Search Day this month!
frottage in wave pool
It seems almost oxymoronic to have dry humping in the water, not to mention dangerous, since you might be in flagrante when struck by a fat kid on an inner-tube. This is not sexy.
ask jeeves is it OK to fly 2 weeks after having wisdom teeth removed?
HEAVENS NO!! THERES A PRESSURE CHANGE WHEN YOU GO UP IN A PLANE AND ALL THE BLOOD IN UR BODY WILL SHOOT OUT THROUGH THE HOLES IN UR GUMS AND FLOAT AROUND THE CABIN. THEN ULL GO INTO SHOCK AND DIE. PLZ STAY HOME 4 AT LEAST 5 WEEKS. THX, JEEVES.
frankie muniz nut punch
I'm afraid that I'll need further information to answer your query. Are you interested in punching Frankie Muniz in the crotch, or would you like to learn more about his line of delicious after-school beverages made with real walnuts?
roller hockey "mike catania"
Mike Catania was the right winger on the Lowell Lunchies until he was permanently banned from the game after a post-game fight with the center of the opposing team, Mass(achusetts) Attack, who he claimed had struck his teammate in the eyeball.
dwarfs little people sterling va
Just because we need to stand on a chair or the counter to reach the top shelf doesn't mean you have license to call us dwarves.
funny coxswain pictures
How about a Coxswain Fail video instead?
what is the name of the penis-shaped building in Barcelona?
The proper name of the edifice is Torre Agbar, but you can just call it Richard.
Although I myself have never heard of anyone playing volleyball with that part of their body, I suppose it could be an option if you were well-endowed and lacked arms. For strategy, I would recommend sticking with the BUMP and the SET -- unless you are a contortionist acrobat, you'll have troubles with the SPIKE.
marion barry party animal T-shirt
what can you suck in, besides helium, to make your voice funny and high pitched
Freed dolphin promptly eaten by sharks
Film effects are battleground between chip rivals
Boy in car chase avoiding church
- A weasel
- A dollop of wasabi
There are no spoilers in these reviews.
Under and Alone by William Queen:
Reasonably priced at $6, this was the last Kindle book I read on our Washington-California vacation, and tells the tail of an ATF agent who goes undercover with a criminal biker gang for two years. It's a fast-moving page turner, even though some of the details seem more fictional than true. It also made me look shifty-eyed at all of the California bikers we'd pass daily around Santa Cruz and its environs.
Final Grade: B+
I've had some throat and nose congestion problems ever since my bout with strep throat last October, so I thought I'd try out a Neti Pot, which flushes out your sinuses with warm saltwater. It took a few tries to mix the right concentrate that didn't burn like drowning (1 cup warm-to-hot water and 1/4 teaspoon of salt per nostril, erring on the side of hotter and saltier), but I can tell that there are immediate results after flushing: it becomes almost effortless to clear the pressure in my Eustachian tubes. You don't actually get to see any grossness ooze out of your nose, which was kind of disappointing, but your airways definitely feel clearer in the aftermath. I've been using it daily for about two weeks now, so I can't tell if the effects will persist in the long-term. I also think "Neti Pot model" is an inauspicious way to break into the biz.
Final Grade: B+
Bride and groom accidentally kill wedding photographer
New Zealand pizza lovers suffer information theft from Hell
Cops issue cat alert for feline that caused wreck
Puzzle Dimension is a turn-based 3D puzzler, where you navigate a ball around a maze collecting flowers so you can activate the exit. The ball is always on the "ground", so as you rotate onto a ramp, the entire world shifts around you (see a gameplay trailer here). The presentation is very nice, with old-fashioned Nintendo style music that refines into live instruments as you collect more and more flowers, and the puzzles get hard very quickly. There isn't much twitch-action, other than the need to hit spacebar to jump over gaps sometimes, but the camera can be a little tricky to maneuver when dealing with the more convoluted worlds.
Final Grade: B
Still at the Beach Day
I am still at the beach today, but destined to return on Sunday. To date, I've read three 500 page books and started a fourth, although one was really boring so I skipped most of the essays it contained. I haven't done much on the computer, because the Internet connection is DSL, and I can almost get a faster download speed than 0.8 MB/sec via telepathy. I did do the owner a favour by encrypting their open WiFi hotspot to match the settings they thought they had, based on the index card on their fridge -- this is why you always want to rent your beach house to a computer scientist.
If you hadn't heard, Anna and Ben had their third child, Kathryn Joy Ahlbin, on July 25. Since the middle naming scheme is to use words like Faith, Grace, and Joy, we can only hope that they will continue having babies until they run out of positive words and have to dip into less desirable names like Sloth and Greed. Congratulations!
What have you been up to this week?
Friday night was Steak Night, with my already perfect New York recipe augmented by a thin layer of brown sugar. We sat on the back porch and listened to the pleasant sounds of "no bats in the walls of the house" until the mosquitoes ravaged our skin like juice-crazed toddlers in a ball pit full of tator tots.
I spent most of Saturday working on the URI! Zone and cleaning out years of coding cruft -- if you are still in the 0.4% of my visitors using IE 6 or 7, you will no longer be getting special treatment. The look and feel of the URI! Zone has not changed dramatically in several years, and this year's update will be more of a blue refinement than overhaul. I also updated my web server to eliminate the rule that prevents people from hotlinking my images for their Myspace profiles (circa 2005) and added a new rule to get rid of the Chinese Baidu searchbot that is obviously searching for defense secrets amidst all of my posts about Alias.
We had dinner out with friends at Page & Brian's on Saturday night, and Rebecca started the "everyone else is pregnant!" phase of life which I passed through a few years ago while she was in her "everyone else is getting married!" phase.
On Sunday morning, my dad helped to reseal the side of the house, where 18 vampire bats had taken up residence earlier in the week. My bat exclusion filter had worked wonders, as no bats had been on the premises for several days. He also brought over the first season of House of Cards, which Rebecca and I spent most of the evening devouring, in addition to wings from Joe's Pizzaria.
How was your weekend?
Random Chart Day: Washing Machine Timer Conversion Chart
Kleine Scheidegg Day
Running with the cows (we were caught in the stampede when the dogs came out to round them up for dinner).
End-of-the-Month Highlights Day
New photos have been added to the Life, 2016 album.
- Made wrap steaks for a yoga "shirt-cutting" party on S 7/2 and hiked 10 miles at Signal Knob on S 7/3.
- Had our traditional 4th at the Whitmer's in Taylorstown on M 7/4.
- Went to Rebecca's work picnic in Olney Park on F 7/8.
- Had meatloaf with my parents on S 7/9 and a delicious Fords dinner on S 7/10.
- Picked up Rebecca's parents from the airport following their California adventure on T 7/12.
- Hosted a Bastille Day BBQ on S 7/16, then tried out the tapas restaurant, Barcelona on S 7/17.
- Attacked by angry yellow jackets while mowing on W 7/20.
- Attended the Thao / Sufjan concert at Wolf Trap on F 7/22.
- Had Game Night with the Smiths on S 7/23 and then ate at the V for dinner on S 7/24.
- Planning to attend an "Acro Yoga" event with Rebecca this evening.
- Worked on no proposals this month while waiting for the backlog of 3 previous ones to be awarded (1 of which we won yesterday!), and even took a few extra days off here and there.
- Nuked a yellow jacket nest with more Raid than necessary, in retribution for two stings.
- Did no open source work. Reached level 190 in Overwatch.
- Got new tires and wipers for my car.
- Downloaded all of the albums that Rebecca has ever gifted to me from her Amazon account and am reacquainting myself with them now.
- Enjoyed watching seasons of Shameless and Halt and Catch Fire, and eagering taking in the second season of Fargo at the moment.
July's Final Grade: B+, way too hot, but a surplus of free time.
We spent the weekend in Pennsylvania in the tiny town of Mill Run.
We drove 180 miles north with Maia on Friday in a reasonably non-annoying trip through Maryland, only stopping twice (once at a rest stop with a playground that Maia completely dissed and once at a Subway in Cumberland). We arrived at a fun farmhouse in the middle of a working farm with cows and friendly dogs. Our friends, Sayak and Elisa, drove in from Columbus, OH shortly after. That evening, we had pasta and salad on the wrap-around porch while watching the lingering fog from an afternoon thunderstorm.
On Saturday, we walked all over Ohiopyle State Park. Maia liked the waterfall and riding in Rebecca's toddler backpack (which she finally fits in). We had lunch at Brenda's Family Restaurant next to our rental house which was forgettable. In the afternoon (following a grocery run to the cleanest Walmart Supercenter in the world) we grilled shrimp and sausage and then took a walk around the farm to look at cows. After Maia went to bed, everyone else played Wingspan, a game that made me think of Cones of Dunshire featuring some delicious-looking miniatures.
Rebecca and Sayak woke up early for a 4 mile hike at Bear's Run Nature Preserve on Sunday. We spent the morning on the wrap-around porch leisurely reading and enjoying the mountain breezes. Even Maia was pretty chill about being in one place for once, playing with a school bus toy and pretending to be a tea kettle. In the afternoon, I went on Maia nap duty while the others took a tour of the Frank Lloyd Wright house, Fallingwater. We had grilled salmon and s'mores for dinner, accompanied by one of the giant German shepherds, Zeus, and ended the night with a game of poker (Sayak won).
On Monday morning, we went our separate ways and ended up back in hot Virginia around 2 PM, just in time for Maia's nap.
How was your weekend?
End-of-the-Month Highlights Day
New photos have been added to the Life, 2022 album.
- Went to the dentist on F 7/1.
- Had Ghazaley and Mike over for vegan tacos on S 7/2.
- Had Elizabeth, Renae, and Sammie over for the afternoon on S 7/3.
- Rebecca, Maia, and Ian went to Lake Barcroft with Rebecca's parents on M 7/4. Rebecca and Maia went to the Herndon fireworks that night.
- Maia got sick with a non-COVID sore throat on T 7/5. Rebecca caught it and had the sore throat for another two weeks.
- Maia had a family birthday party on W 7/6.
- Maia had a kid-filled birthday party with water activities on S 7/10.
- Visited my parents with Maia on S 7/16 to teach them about their new smartphones.
- Went to Taylorstown on S 7/17 for a belated 4th celebration.
- Rebecca and Maia went to Pohick Bay and Pirate's Cove with our Fredericksburg friends on H 7/21. I stayed home with Ian and tooled around Sterling.
- Airport drop-off for my parents on F 7/22.
- Lunch visit to the Smiths on S 7/23.
- Maia and I drove to Alexandria on the hottest day of the heat wave to water plants, on S 7/24.
- Ghazaley stopped by for a birthday visit after dinner on H 7/28.
- Picked up my parents at the airport on F 7/29.
- Rebecca, Maia, and Ian went to Lake Barcroft with Rebecca's parents on S 7/30.
- Had Car and Jordan over for sushi dinner on S 7/31.
- Refilled the refrigerant in our cars with weak A/C on M 7/18.
- Laid down some new mulch in the neighbourhood common area on S 7/30.
- Enjoyed watching Only Murders in the Building, Season One.
- Still playing Fallout 76 at level 274.
- No amazing new music or books this month.
July's Final Grade: B-, lots of heat and sickness without much downtime
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