Monday, October 30, 2006

Fall

Even though the first day of Fall was over a month ago, the season has now arrived in earnest. One way to tell is by the clock-flip of the utterly useless Daylight Savings Time -- although some people may get excited at the prospect of bringin' daylight back, it doesn't affect me in the least bit. Working on the "six to two" schedule means that it's still going to be dark when I wake up, and it's still going to be light when I get home, regardless of chronological contortions. Instead of continuing to use a system that makes Arizona feel left out, what we should do is enact a year-round system that takes one hour away from the workday and adds it to the sleeping schedule of all Americans (because it's been proven that a sleeping American uses much less electricity than one that's awake). Write me in next week and those are the kinds of innovative forward-thinking ideas you'll see on my platform.

Actually, screw Arizona. What kind of nutter wants to live in the desert year-round anyhow?

Another sign of Fall: the leaves around my house have turned this brilliant shade of orange (it can solve quadratic equations without paper). After a particularly fierce wind storm that shattered the very backbone of my beliefs (if my beliefs were a patio table with a giant umbrella supported by rotting wood), roughly half of the leaves made the one-way trip to the ground.

It's always hard to figure out the best times to rake -- you have to find the sweet spot where enough have fallen to make it worth your while, realizing that another round is just going to fall again in a few weeks. Plus, waiting too long turns the once eminently rakeable leaves into a soggy concoction that sticks to the rake and the grass. When I'm rich, I plan on solving the problem by renting a helicopter to fly out and hover over my house for a couple hours every weekend during the Fall. Bonus points if I can blow away a deer or two.

Don't forget that the deadline for last week's Name That Tune contest is Tuesday at noon!

Six word stories
Murder juror kicked for using numerology
Vampires a mathematical impossibility

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