Friday, January 13, 2006

Friday Fragments

  • I've already received several calls from talent scouts about the music video I posted yesterday. VH1 wants to feature me on a box of Totino's Pizzas, alligator purses, and a line of wheelbarrows. American Idol, here I come!

  • I like to think that there's a big fat guy sitting right in front of Alito in this picture, and no one can see around him. Or the room is spinning like a tilt-a-whirl.

  • It's been years since I added anything to the Olio section, so I thought I'd mix things up by posting this article my dad sent me last month . It's about the many legal troubles surrounding Virginia Tech's Audubon Quartet. It comes from the New York Times, but it's no longer available online anywhere.

  • CNN must be trying something new to catch visitors' eyes -- "Watch: Colin Farrell sex tape hits the Internet". I wonder how many CNN readers actually clicked the link on their home page in hopes of watching the Colin Farrell sex tape. How do all these celebrities keep on losing their sex tapes? Did they just forget and leave them in the VCRs when the maid came? Wouldn't they be worried about accidentally taping over it when the next Survivor is on?

  • So Howard Stern has moved over to Sirius now, where he doesn't have to worry about censorship . I've never heard his show, only read about it in its periodic controversies, but doesn't moving to satellite radio mean that he's giving up the one advantage that makes his show unique? Now that he can say whatever he wants and it isn't the little guy fighting against the big censoring corporation, where's the drama and the forbidden nature of the show? Sometimes a bleeped out word is funnier than actual swearing, just as a partially clothed Woman of the Gap is more eye-catching than a totally naked woman.

  • I mentioned Women of the Gap because people keep searching Google for "nude women of the gap" and arriving at my site. This will trick them even more. Also if you're looking for "nude pics of Harrison Ford" you won't find those here either. Take that, Google.

  • My company sent some people to some eye-catching conference out in California where we set up this futuristic-looking booth. I think this means we're a big deal now. You can always judge a company by how much of their booth is made out of corrugated cardboard and printed PowerPoint slides. A higher percentage of these raw goods means your company isn't so hot. Chrome and alumninum, though -- that means your company is a great company with great skills and it's gonna do great.

  • There's also some new kitty pictures on the Photos page showing Kitty and Sydney's second visit in two weeks to my lovely palatial estate. There was a minimum of growling this time around, so apparently feline short-term memories last longer than one week.

  • This Sunday night we'll be going to see Les Miserables on its final tour to Washington D.C. It should be a good show, but I promise not to wax poetic for a week following the performance -- I already did that in 2002, and as you know, the URI! Zone consists wholly of original ideas.

  • When I was in Macaroni Grill last Saturday night, I went to the bathroom (as I am sometimes wont to do at restaurants). Over the typical Macaroni Grill accordian music, they were playing simple English phrases and how you would say them in Italian. I entered the bathroom to the disembodied voice saying, "I would like another meatball, please." I don't remember how that's said in Italian, because I have an ADD personality, and cannot pee and learn at the same time.

  • There were also old people sitting down to a big family dinner at 10:30 PM, probably following the showing of some movie. I thought old people just fell asleep on the couch at 8:17 during Survivor -- I didn't know they were social.

  • I started signing all my emails with "BU" around April of 1997 according to my old email archives. Before that I actually wrote "Brian". How weird is that? I also used to use "Cheers," instead of "Regards,".

  • It now costs 39 cents to mail a letter instead of 37. They should just increase the cost of junk mail and business mail while keeping the personal rate at 25 cents. Seriously, how many people not in a nursing home actually write real letters anymore? I also have to decide whether it's worth it to buy eight 2-cent stamps to use up the remainder of my old stamps, or if I should just stick them all on Booty's back and watch her walk in circles trying to get them off.

  • Why does every yuppy town have to have a strip mall with a clock tower? Does anyone use the clock tower to tell time? My feeling is that you should have to go the whole nine yards if you're going to build a clock tower that looks like a Red Roof Inn -- little gnomes that pop out every hour and tiny Dutch boys chasing tiny Dutch girls around on a revolving track.

  • After getting kicked off the team for stomping on someone's leg in the Gator Bowl, Marcus Vick got arrested for flashing a gun at a McDonald's in Hampton. There really can't be much going on upstairs with that kid. I hope they don't let him into the NFL and he starts giving interviews on how the man is trying to keep him down. That would be entertainment .

  • Have a great weekend! I haven't decided if I'm going to take Monday off (since I was sick two days this week), but give me a better offer and I'll consider it.

  • Mary Poppins trapped in a wall
    Cow on the moove spared
    Why it's better to wave

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