Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I'm pretty lackadaisical when it comes to my health, as evidenced by the fact that my dentist visits that occur less often than the Summer Olympics. When I'm legitimately sick, I actually stay home from work and recuperate rather than become a walking Asian of Contagion in the office and I'm considerate enough to not hang around my friends when I should be quarantined (though I bet they have all caught my infectious zeal for life! LOL!). In my super-immuno mindset, anything that can't be cured with lots of fluids and bed rest will naturally go away when it's run its course, so I only go to doctors when absolutely necessary.

For example, I had planned to get my wisdom teeth removed this month -- it's been on my short list of things to do since October when Kim's mouth exploded into a festival of fun and she had to get emergency surgery on her wisdom teeth. However, the month's end is approaching rapidly and all my teeth are still in my mouth. The only reason for this is inertia: my company switched health insurance providers for 2006 and the amount of effort it would take to set up with a new oral surgeon is a tragically insurmountable obstacle.

Now, I've had this Cough of Annoyance for two and a half weeks (it's got a +3 to being annoying, and is more effective at night). During the day it's just a plain old cough, but at night its tickly nature makes me cough on a loop, like I'm the backup track for K-Fed's next hit single. Every day that I'm about to call the new doctor to set up an appointment, it goes away just long enough to seem like it's coming to an end. Last night, I tried a few home remedies (like dancing naked in a field at midnight) and made myself a mug of hot tea with honey. In my zest to mix the honey in though, I broke open the teabag with the stirring spoon, and tea grounds spilled out into the bottom of the mug. Of course, I did not realize this until I had started draining the dregs and ended up with tiny lumps of tea in my throat, which were easily more ticklish than my cough. Needless to say, that remedy did not help me get to sleep any faster. The throat gnomes are going to be mining tea out of my esophagus for weeks to come.

Today, I feel fine and don't think I'm infectious (and I've been careful to wash my hands like a Hefner and not blow my nose in anyone's Cheerios), but there's a slight lethargy to my being. I feel like I'm just one step out of phase with my surroundings, but I don't think I'm having an out-of-body experience or anything like that. I'm going to call the doctor this morning just to make sure I didn't catch Dutch Elm Disease or anything. I will let Anna know if she needs to burn the couch I sat on last night once I get checked up.

Alternately, I could be a ghost and you could be getting this news update from beyond the grave. In that case, woooooooooooooo.

"Everybody Hates Gilmore Girls"
Salamander man strikes again
Left without a leg to stand on...

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