Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Stuff In My Drawers Day

or The Evolution of Good Storytelling

December 1983 (4 years old)

One day I got up to watch TV and I watched Scooby Doo and I watcht Scooby Doo at 7:00 PM and at 800 PM I got my clothes on and ate my breakfast then I turned on the TV when Mom woke up and she put on her clothest on and we got on to the car and drove to the market and brought some milk then we drove home.

When telling a story about your day, always use mind-bending Memento-style chronology devices to increase interest, such as turning on the TV both before and after you watch it, and waking up at night. Also, bring your own milk to the store, and make your story more declarative by adding extra periods.

April 1984 (4 years old)

One day I woke up when I was a baby I was too. But no bottle untell I was fed. The next day I plaied the next day. The End.

This is a fine example of a "memoir", since it tells the story of youth and long distant memories and not what I did the day before. The days of the week are itemized in the left margin, as if the original intent of this biography was to provide daily updates about my life (the first blog™) before it turned into a memoir.

April 1986 (6 years old)

My spring vacation story

On Saturday I went to the Eggsplotion. Then we went to the playground, and colored are eggs, hid them, and hunted them. Then I went to eat dinner. Afterwards we cleared the table, after that I went to bed.

Conjunctions are a more advanced type of period.

The next day, it was Easter. We ate breakfast. Them, we went to the arbiretem. We went in the garden, We went home, and played. We played egg hunt. Then ate dinner. After that we cleared the table. And went to bed.

Establish a pattern of normalcy, so the day of the shark attack really stands out.

The next day Ellen had to work on her stupid prawject. Well I played. It was fun! We went to eat lunch. Then played again, ate dinner, and went to bed.

Ha ha, I didn't have a project.

Next day. We went to are babysitter and played all day, came home, ate dinner, and went to bed.

Next day. My sister went to a g.s. hike from st. Andrews church to fort word. We had to go to are babysitter again; after that we packed up.

Leave it to those industrious Girl Scouts to fight obesity by taking a 0.9 mile hike.

Friday. We drove away to Petersburg Battlefield. It was crazy! We stayed in Days Inn.

The battlefield was off the hook. The Days Inn combined the luxury of home with the comfort of a battlefield.

(Sat.) We went to lots of places then went home.

As I get older and early memories fragment into false impressions, this will probably be the level of detail I apply to every single trip I took as a kid.

Sun. We didn't do anything.

Get ready for the shark attack.

Mon. We went to a freind's house and saw the great wall of britains. And had grilled hotdogs for lunch. We played, made a fort, went home.

I'm not sure why we were watching a movie about Hadrian's Wall, but at least we had hot dogs. I guess we were safe from sharks this time around, but what about in the sequel??

Live missile found in bathroom wall
Bolivia gives equal status to Mother Earth
New app calculates calories through photos

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