Tuesday, June 09, 2009

List Day: Ten More Rejected Wedding Ideas

1) The bride and groom will run a series of Save the Date magnet schools, where intelligent children expecting to learn more about science end up handcrafting our centerpieces in sweat shop conditions. Initial trial sites will include Cora Kelly Elementary School and Thomas Jefferson High School.

2) Flower girl, Ella, will proceed down the aisle to Umbrellavator, an original remix/mashup of Rhianna's Umbrella and Flo Rida's Elevator.

3) To boost attendance, flash mob announcements will be posted on Craigslist the night before, using Sunset Hills Vineyard as a target.

4) Each guest will pick up a loaf of sourdough bread at the door for the best man's toast. The toasting is not complete until your loaf is gone or you're under the table, honking.

5) Belaying the standard walk down the aisle, the bride will be shot out of a cannon. A black dress may be in order, to hide the powder burns.

6) The wedding attendants will get the bride and groom's names permanently tattooed on their shoulders, letter by letter. To facilitate this, Brian and Rebecca will change their names to Po and Ida.

7) The groom's guests will be pit against the bride's guests (in all their formal wear) in several rounds of Tug-o-War over a giant vat of fermenting grapes. (The bride has more guests but the groom's guests are stronger).

8) Marc Nagy will be the wedding crooner, singing selections from Stevie Wonder's "Songs in the Key of Life".

9) Invitations will be delivered in person, as a fifty minute oratorio featuring Ted's barbershop quartet from Scrubs.

10) The honeymoon will include a bus tour of the top-producing chicken farms in southern Delaware.

17th century witch bottle discovered
Call it "The Big Willie"
Jellyfish dominating the ocean

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