Monday, September 24, 2007

List Day: Ten Things You Can Learn About Sterling from this Mural

  1. The white kids will make sure that they're on the same pick-up basketball team. The girl and the minority go on another team.

  2. No one in Sterling will pass the ball to a black kid.

  3. Girls can't make a shot unless they hip check.

  4. In Sterling, creepy pedophiles are welcome to watch kids play. This one probably has an upskirt camera hidden in his nondescript leather bag.

  5. The Asian kid and the chubby girl are too scholarly to play sports, and could probably use a Trapper Keeper.

  6. Little dogs poop cubes. There are no leash laws in Sterling.

  7. Black women in Sterling have no discernable facial features, no matter how close you get to them.

  8. People who sell balloons should be wary of little pissants who throw forks at their wares, even if they have a ferret on their shoulder.

  9. The architecture of the Sterling Court House is Greco-Deco, with classic Ionic columns backed by giant plate-glass windows (so you can see all the high-profile trials from the street).

  10. Mothers are required to transport their babies in perambulators with very low centers of gravity to prevent accidental tipping.

What does this mural say to you?

Newscaster not shown in the breast of circumstances
MIT student proves Ivy League intelligence with fake bomb
The wurst place to hide sex toys

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