Friday, February 27, 2004

The Oscars, Part IV of VI

Best animated feature film of the year
    The Nominees:
    Brother Bear
  • Finding Nemo
    The Triplets of Belleville

    What will happen?
    Finding Nemo will win this category by a landslide, since Disney has lost its touch. At least Treasure Planet is not in the running this year. It's a risky proposition to not pick The Triplets of Belleville however, since last year's winner was another goofily drawn cartoon that no one had ever heard of.
Best foreign language film of the year
    The Nominees:
    The Barbarian Invasions
    Evil
    The Twilight Samurai
    Twin Sisters
    ?elary

    What will happen?
    None of these films even looks foreign, and the last just looks like a French person in ESL trying to say "celery". You can't fool me with a tilde. The ad copy for Barbarian Invasions says that it's about sex and friendship and other things that invade our lives. DUCK! It's a FRIENDSHIP INVASION. Evil wins, since the remaining competitors look too much alike.
Adapted screenplay
    The Nominees:
    American Splendor
    City of God
  • The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
    Mystic River
    Seabiscuit

    What will happen?
    The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the Jedi will win this category, simply because it's the hip thing to do, regardless of whether it deserves it.
Original screenplay
    The Nominees:
    The Barbarian Invasions
    Dirty Pretty Things
  • Finding Nemo
    In America
  • Lost in Translation

    What will happen?
    The actual screenplay of Lost in Translation doesn't deserve an Oscar, simply because it was the work of the actors in the movie that brought it to life. Without the talent of Bill Murray, it would have just been another movie where stuff happens and people are bored, à la Gosford Park. Finding Nemo isn't particular original even though it's good. Voters will choose The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King in this category because their muscle memory will cause them to mark a box that isn't really on the ballot. To salvage the show, Billy Crystal will choose Dirty Pretty Things and make light-hearted jokes about Audrey Tatou.

We're only two days away from the Oscar ceremony, which I probably won't be watching. Tomorrow I'll cover all the actor categories, and the final day will be devoted to the directorial categories and Best Picture. Who will win? Only I know.

Yesterday's notable search terms:

    michelle cao, fork tailed bush katydid, weenie wagon, if all the girls who attended the yale prom were laid end to end, i wouldn't be a bit surprised

Happy Birthday Paige!

It's like the ring from The Lord of the Rings and we're kind of like Frodo, trying to get it over with.
Father spanks daughter in school
60 year old kung fuist catches robber
Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them
Man to cat, "Stop monkying around!"

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