Monday, December 08, 2008

Weird Search Day

or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone"

Those strange Google searches just keep on pouring in. Here's the latest batch and my attempts at fulfillment.

  • TWO REDHEADS BENT OVER

  • clothing optional sterling va
    I think I'll include this clause in all future party invitations I send out (at least, for the women invitees).

  • rideable hippo
    Experienced hippo riders can make due with just a saddle. If your hippo has an unusually voracious appetite, and you anticipate that your trip might take you past a field full of large white marbles, I would recommend using a bridle as well so you don't get thrown off during a sudden lunge.

  • prostitute's slang for "want a date?"
    My experience with prostitutes is limited, but wouldn't this just be "want a date?"

  • chicken nugget that looks like a penis
    I think we'll all be okay if I don't create a picture for this one.

  • looking for a idea of how to fix up my childs science project backboard
    Pro Tip: If you cut out pieces of construction paper and offset the text down and to the right, you will give the backboard a stunning 3D look without needing expensive 3D glasses! However, more importantly than a nice backboard, make sure that you give your child some talking points to memorize, since you probably did the project yourself.

  • my cat occasionally coughs and makes a long,screeching sound.why?
    Your cat may need new brakes. Consult with your local mechanic.

  • auto-tune efx sucks
    Amen.

  • chompy string quartet
    To the best of my knowledge, Chompy has never written a string quartet, although she occasionally employs double stops while pooping.

  • "how to hang chili peppers"
    Your best bet would be to wait until the band tours Alabama, and then assemble a homophobic lynch mob which disagrees with their oft nude demeanors.

  • "will tippon" "walmart"
    On the next episode of Alias, Will Tippon's source leads him to the dangerous knowledge that Target is actually an undercover extension of Walmart, a known moneymaking entity of SD-6. This causes a panic among shoppers who prefer Target "because it seems more high class".

  • everybody poops lesson plans
    It would seem to me that if a child has not yet mastered pooping by the time they reach the structured education of public schools, there are probably bigger problems to worry about. I would start the lesson by pointing out the unacceptable receptacles for poop, such as your cubbyhole, your pants, the class bunny's cage, and little Jenny's lunchbox. Save the advanced advice like why you shouldn't strain too hard and how diet affects your poop for the second grade.

  • Lesson Plans Kindergarten "Do your ears hang low?"
    It's good to know that the URI! Zone is slowly becoming the definitive source for elementary school lesson plans. This was not in the repertoire of songs I learned in kindergarten, since we were more concerned with Sneaky Snake or whether the bus would pass its Virginia Safety Inspection. I actually didn't learn this song until Boy Scouts, where we replaced ears with male genitalia.

  • Woman's disability payments stoped because of large breasts
    Garden gnomes banned from cemetary
    Disguised Mother Woos Juror in Bid to Free Son

    tagged as website, searches | permalink | 5 comments


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