Saturday, January 11, 2003

Tallahassee has the wackiest commercial selections I've ever seen, and not in a good way. First, we get the trial runs of those obnoxiously offensive "truth." commercials, like last year's floating eyeball cartoons which apparently never made it to a wider venue up north. Then come the horribly low-budget efforts from local merchants like Bill Well's Chevrolet and REX, and last month's welder school ad. There was also a notable, if tasteless, plug where Santa gets stuck in a chimney with the silent caption, "Not sure when your diarrhea will hit?", before a fade-out. As a final sign of intelligent programming, there was primetime on January 4th when someone forgot to play the proper tapes. Ads for the Rose Bowl and New Year's Day sales (ending January 2nd) played for a solid hour before someone noticed that all was not right.

I'm on page 33 of 69 in score editing.

    Adland: Gotcha. Anyone else on your naughty list?

    Santa: One more. Imodium AD.

    Adland: Imodium AD!? On Christmas!?

    Santa: Santa's really mad at those sons of bitches.

    Santa: First off, they use the old stuck-in-the-chimney bit, which Santa's growing accustomed to, but then they go and make it so that somehow the reason that Santa's stuck in the chimney is because Santa's got diarrhea. Diarrhea!!

    Adland: Oooooooh.

    Santa: First off, Santa doesn't understand why diarrhea would get Santa stuck in the chimney, but the big thing is diarrhea. Diarrhea! Santa doesn't get diarrhea! Santa is on a special high-calorie, high-fiber diet. Diarrhea is out of the question! Santa would like to state, unequivocally and for the record, that Santa is no hosenscheisser.

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