Thursday, January 30, 2014

Answers Day

the sequel to Questions Day

Shouldn't there be a better toothpaste tube by now? It seems to me that the squeezing and dispensing both have room for improvement. - Doobie

The serious answer would probably be that toothpaste is so close to commodity status that there's no money in further improvements to the tube (ever since they introduced the giant "old person" cap in the 90s). This is also why Comet Cleanser cans still release a mushroom cloud of powder when you ever-so-gently set the can on the counter -- they could have fixed that, but everyone's still going to buy the old one, so what's the point?

Should this situation ever change, here are some alternatives that might work.

PEZ Dispenser: Pull back the head of your favourite cartoon character and a single serving of toothpaste squirts out onto your toothbrush.

Push Pop: Merge the head of a toothbrush with a push pop dispenser. As you push up, toothpaste flows through the hollow stem of the toothbrush and directly into the bristles.

Chap Stick: A twist-bottom tube of nearly-solid toothpaste (with a texture more like spread butter than squishy poo) can be applied directly to the teeth, and then brushed away.

Rattlesnake Bionics: Alter human genetics to add tiny sacs which generate toothpaste and an abrasive in the roof of your mouth. When you are ready to clean, fire the toothpaste into your mouth and swish it around, like a dishwasher or self-cleaning oven, and then spit. No brushing need!

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