Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Drive-By Musings

  • Why do tow trucks get flashing lights? Is it to say, "Look at me, I haul broken stuff."? Are they more dangerous than any other car and thus, require extra warning signs? If so, then why don't student drivers and drivers from Maryland get flashing lights too?

  • Why are speeding, aggressive driving, and reckless driving all given a negative perception when reckless driving is really the only dangerous one? You could be driving eighty miles an hour on any highway in the area and still be driving at a safe speed for the conditions at the time. Speeders and aggressive drivers are the ones that keep traffic moving when it would otherwise be congealed by the lolly-gaggers who like to swim four abreast, blocking every lane. Ticket the guy who's not using his turn signals and who's making more than four lane changes in ten yards, not the guy going ninety in the left lane on a straightaway.

  • What do you do if you're following unfamiliar instructions and you miss a turn? Do you find your way back to that spot and make the turn? I always keep going and try to circle back from the next turn, in hopes of finding a new way to get there. Once I was in Langley and missed the turn for the Dulles Toll Road, so I decided to go all the way back to Sterling by Georgetown Pike. There's a mansion going up next door to the entrance to Great Falls.

  • The lanes of a highway should be like law and order in the Old West. The farthest right lane should be the one where everyone obeys the speed limit, moves in an orderly fashion, and bakes each other pies. The farthest left lane should be every-man-for-himself where the first man home gets a prize. The lanes in the middle should be a gradient between the two extremes. People driving towards the left should know what they're getting into and not have the right to righteous indignance when people start honking and passing them.

  • I hate those pressure-plated lights along the Fairfax County Parkway and Dranesville Road that allow all the rich yuppies immediate gratification in getting out of their million-dollar subdivisions. The fact that you poop diamonds does not give you the right to interrupt everyone's commute so your lone car can get on the highway.

  • Red-light running would be greatly reduced if intersections just had mechanical blast doors that shot up out of the ground as soon as the light turned red. People would be less likely to jump the red with six inches of titanium waving hello to their cars, and you also wouldn't have to worry about those clowns that start inching inappropriately into the intersection in search of a speedy take-off at the green.

  • His hindsight, however, isn't half bad.
    Paris Hilton display upsets neighbors
    Neighbours say the lynched Santa doll is not in the Christmas spirit

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