Tuesday, September 17, 2013

List Day: 5 Games That Never Grabbed Me

  1. Okami ($19.99): You play a celestial wolf in a watercolour world that rights imbalances through Wii brush strokes and smashes jars for coins with wolf head butts. Got bored after the 2nd unskippable cutscene featuring a Zelda-like sprite comedically telling me how to play the game. Total Time Played: 39 minutes.

  2. Tales of Symphonia ($29.99): A typical Japanese Role-Playing Game with anime characters, random world battles, and a storyline that doesn't quite make sense. I always think I like JRPGs until I buy another one (see also, Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy). Total Time Played: about 2 hours.

  3. Deus Ex: Human Revolution ($4.99): Tight controls, a shooter mixed with skill trees, and an intriguing introductory section, but I just stopped caring. I must just not like games set in the future that much. Total Time Played: 71 minutes.

  4. Deathspank ($14.99): A Diablo-like game written by the Monkey Island guy -- what could go wrong? Well, dialogue isn't as hilarious when you have to wait for the voice actors to finish speaking it, because your brain has already read the subtitles in milliseconds. And, trying to attack a chicken in fake-3D is as annoying as trying to jump across rocks in Ultima 8. Total Time Played: 86 minutes.

  5. The Swapper ($14.99): This is a fresh-looking puzzle game with a neat visual style, but after four or five rooms of turning lights on and off and positioning my character just right, I realized that I don't really like these kinds of puzzles anymore. Then I re-realized that I had already realized this when I bought Braid. Total Time Played: 58 minutes.

Cost of My Mistakes: $0.22 per minute.

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