Monday, April 27, 2020

List Day: 10 Pandemic Business Ideas

  1. Magic Pandemic Balls: Ask the Magic Pandemic Ball a question when you need trustworthy advice on adhering to competing local, state, and federal pandemic guidance.

  2. Peek Costco: Take all of those "watch an eagle raise a family" webcams abandoned since 1999 and point them at Costco entrances. Charge people for online access to the camera at their local store so they know when the lines are shortest.

  3. Flop Ten: Use an algorithm to unearth 10 awful TV shows that your streaming company really needs to recoup losses on, then advertise them on your homepage as "Top Ten in America Right Now!".

  4. NO U REVERSE: A smartphone app that allows you to reverse the direction of one-way arrows in grocery store aisles so they're more convenient. Engage in a $0.99 microtransaction bidding war when someone is on the other end of the aisle trying to do the same.

  5. The New Normal: Novelty protractors that show a right angle to be 91 degrees.

  6. Player Two Has Entered the Game: Hire from a pool of people who have recovered from coronavirus (and hopefully have some level of immunity built up) to do your shopping and other errands. It's like Uber with zombies.

  7. Eye Poppers: A real-time filter for Hangouts and Zoom that cuts out your pupils and repositions them so it looks like everyone is looking directly at the camera at all times.

  8. Open Woundz: Easy-to-apply, reusable cosmetics that make you appear to have gaping, bleeding wounds so people are more likely to respect your social radius.

  9. Krispy Kar: A portable deep fryer that plugs into the cigarette lighter of a car, allowing food delivery employees to finish cooking food in "the last mile" of the supply chain, avoiding the sadness of steamed sogginess.

  10. Flatten Your Curves: A health and weight-loss program where an online consultant (probably Marie Kondo) provides recipes that exploit the dregs of your pantry. You cannot get more groceries until you've eaten everything previously purchased, including that two-year-old congealed block of raisins.

tagged as lists, inventions | permalink | 1 comment


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