Friday

This is the two thousand, four hundred sixty-seventh news update on the URI! Zone. Just looking at that number makes me tired so I'm not going to put any thought into today's post. What are your plans for the weekend? Are you hot (thermally or genetically)? If I just started reposting news updates from 2001 would you notice? When is your next kid due? Can I name my firstborn daughter "Lazy Susan"? Are you a good or bad programmer if you think globally but act locally? Is there a better swearphrase than "Shitbird on Tuesday"? Is leaving the price sticker on your new car's window supposed to make us envy you? Why do people still smoke? Why aren't there any good board games designed for two players, instead of four-player board games playable by "two players with no friends"? Does Chance and Community Chest money go to the bank or Free Parking? Why are there complex dance-step paw prints on our new black cooktop every morning? Why doesn't any of the food in the fridge ever look exciting to eat? Why can't you just type in a date on websites anymore instead of clicking through yet another calendar widget? Why is the lag time between placing and shipping an Amazon order growing every month? What's the deal with those hot shivers you get when you suddenly think you've forgotten something? If you forget to pee, do the hot shivers and cold shivers cancel out? Are you graduating this month? Who is visiting my website from Mobile, Alabama?