Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Weird Search Day

or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone"

  • ATROCIOUS HICKIES

    The capital letters may be warranted in this search query. Honestly, who would ever want to make out with a molerat?

  • fsu teacher fell off overpass on way to airport
    Unless the city of Tallahassee has recently gone through the dryer on high heat, it's a little too far to walk to the airport, so it's unlikely that a stereotypically out-of-shape academic would try. Besides the dangers of overpasses, you'd also face a myriad of challenges such as panhandlers, stretches of vacant lots and strip clubs, and the unruly students at Florida A&M.

  • making a hamburger assembly line with vanilla wafers for fourth grade economics
    Approximating the Industrial Revolution with vanilla wafers is like rounding pi to ten digits with a custard pie and all of your fingers. To really drive this lesson home, why not have the students create actual hamburgers? Most of the boy students will catch salmonella from handling the raw meat and picking their noses, leading to an overabundance of girls and various state-sponsored reproductive laws, and then BANG, you've also taught them about China. When class is over, you can also sell the hamburgers to the cafeteria, retaining all profits and forcing the selfsame students to purchase them for lunch, and BANG, the kids have learned about sweat shops.

  • brawl at kathys wedding

    After the amount of alcohol consumed by Table Eleven, I'm surprised that a brawl was not inevitable.

  • If somehow a ping pong ball should make its way into your rectum
    Is this the start of a poem? According to RhymeZone, there are no "perfect rhymes" for rectum, which is peculiar since, by its very nature, a rectum is the perfect end to a couplet.

    Seek medical attention immediately, for any tears will infect'em.

  • Sample quiz for Why should juvenile deliquents be thankful at Thanksgiving?
    On Thanksgiving Day, where would you prefer to be?
      A) Under supervised house arrest for that crack but far from recidivism.
      B) Baked for three hours, but at 325 degrees, not in the good way.
      C) Catching airborne contagions from some Puritans.

    • Man seeks Obama, Jesus restraining orders
    Paris bitten by New York-style bed bug scare
    Vending machine recommends drinks to buyers

    tagged as website, searches | permalink | 2 comments
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