Friday, March 12, 2004

Every city has its own breed of annoying driver, and the D.C. metropolitan area is no exception. Someday, when I can affordably mod my car with a fake license plate that drops down over the real one and a radar absorbing (Quiet Steel) frame, I'm also going to add a pneumatic nail gun to the undercarriage. With this, I can covertly shoot nails into the tires of annoying drivers, causing them to have a safe but irritating flat tire several hours later. Such a weapon of mass deflation could be used on:

  • people in left turn lanes who stop ten yards over the line and then don't back up until oncoming traffic is about to hit them
  • lane changers who don't signal, and the subset, lane changers who immediately get back in the old lane
  • people who see the left lane going fast, so they get in it, thinking it will magically make them fast
  • people who slow down to 5mph fifty yards before the left turn lane, even though said lane is long enough to land a jet
  • people who block the box (traffic-related only)
  • officers who pull people over during rush hour, making everyone else slow down and gawk
  • people who come to a complete stop when merging onto the interstate at the Yield signs
  • people in yuppy cars with yuppy headlights (highly focused pinpoint beams that always seem like they're set to HIGH BEAMS)
  • people in yuppy cars with three or more headlights
  • people on cell phones who don't maintain the flow of traffic
  • officers who drive the speed limit in hopes of setting a good example
  • people who flick cigarettes out the window
  • people who think it's their civic duty to prevent you from going over the speed limit
  • elderly drivers who feel it's their right to drive on highways and then drive it like they're on a sightseeing safari in the Serengeti
  • solo drivers in SUVs who obviously use it to putter around rather than haul goods or transport whole field hockey teams

Got an annoying driver story to share? Let me know!

Yesterday's notable search terms:

    needed tibetan typist for the project, uri brian, debussy disliked mahler

Verdict in Alexandria fatal beating
A driver in Schenectady, New York, was arrested last month after rolling past police with a DVD titled "Chocolate Foam" playing on the passenger-side sun visor in his Mercedes-Benz.
Free Office 2003 not kosher
Wendy's sinks are so clean, employees bathe in them
Dangerous weapon gets through security screeners

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