Monday, November 01, 2021

Vote BU 2021

Having trouble deciding on your elected officials tomorrow? Write me in! Here is my eminently actionable platform, which I'm sure we can all agree upon:

  1. Videos will not be allowed to leap free of a webpage and follow you down the margin.

  2. Every time VDOT construction lane markings cause an accident in the rain or darkness, all Virginia drivers get $25 added to their EZPass account.

  3. The teens will be renamed for consistency and ease of learning: ten, ten-one, ten-two, ten-three, ten-four, ten-five, ten-six, ten-seven, ten-eight, and ten-nine.

  4. Logging in using Single Sign On will no longer flash through every page on the Internet in an epilepsy-inducing journey before taking you to the website.

  5. Hidden fees must be prominently displayed in the listing on all Sandbridge rental houses.

  6. PC games must load directly from Steam or the desktop without the overhead of a company-specific game launcher app.

  7. Music Library software will no longer make a separate category for every song in an album when there is a different featured artist in each one.

  8. LinkedIn will be forced to suppress any content unrelated to work, as well as posts where someone feels "humbled" by an opportunity.

  9. There will be a 30 character cap on the title for Amazon search results so counterfeit companies can't stuff the title with every keyword known to man.

  10. When more than 5% of the berries in a box at the grocery store have gone bad, the whole box is free.

tagged as lists, politics | permalink | 0 comments


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