Monday, January 28, 2019

Data Day: Evolution of the Annual Office Party

or, at least, the ones I actually went to

  • 2010: Small conference room at the Sheraton Premiere. Ugly Sweater Contest is the main feature. Cash bar. 3 people dancing. We win AN IPOD...docking station. We then went out and bought an iPod.

  • 2011: Mock casino setting in Reston Town Center. Everyone gets a company fleece not quite thick enough to use as a washcloth.

  • 2012: Small conference room at the Dulles Hilton with a Wild West theme. Free drinks and emceed entertainment.

  • 2012: Following a merger, the company rents out the entire Air & Space annex in Chantilly. Free sushi and plenty of corporate speeches about how version 1.0 of the new company will be the best ever.

  • 2013: (not pictured) Company sends us all to watch the cringeworthily-horrible Luma: Theater of Lights but we miss all of the free drinks because President Obama was at the venue and all of the roads were blocked.

  • 2015: Company rents out the entire American History museum. We keep ordering new drinks because the old ones get immediately cleaned up whenever we leave them at the entrance of any given exhibit.

  • 2016: Company rents out an entire DC nightclub (and they kick us nerds out promptly at 10:30 so real customers can get in). Unnecessarily extravagant audio/visual experience including a George Clooney lookalike and corporate speeches about how version 2.0 of the company will be the best ever.

  • 2017: (not pictured) I was working for a startup with Mary and got dinner down the street from the office once.

  • 2019: Company rents the ballroom at the MGM. Musical talent show, "dance motivators", karaoke, games, and 4 buffet lines moving in parallel to accommodate over 600 people. No cult-like corporate speeches in sight, unless you count the dystopian disembodied voice exhorting us to "use the right hashtag on your Instagram photos".

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