Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Vote BU 2016

Having trouble deciding who to vote for in the upcoming election? Take a look at the BU party platform and consider voting for me! When I'm elected as 45th President, these are the changes you can expect to see enacted:

  1. Arnold Schwarzenegger will be my Vice President.

  2. Representatives of the great state of Virginia will get 1 extra vote in each roll call.

  3. Evite will no longer include a "Maybe" option on invitations.

  4. Funding will be provided to immediately reshoot the endings of Dexter and How I Met Your Mother, with updated DVDs distributed to anyone negatively affected by the original endings.

  5. All bicycles will be equipped with regulators that force them to stop at road crossings.

  6. All small, shaggy, barky, drooly dogs will be replaced with Maine Coons.

  7. Personal Bluetooth speakers will be banned on the Appalachian Trail.

  8. Kanye West must pass a diction test before releasing another album.

  9. Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, and South Dakota will be merged into a single low-population state (Mondahota), with the associated reduction in Senators.

  10. Mobile apps will no longer be allowed to translate perfectly useful timestamps into "4 hours ago".

  11. The "shaky cam" technique in movies will be banned.

  12. Facebook will always show you the Most Recent posts.

  13. Coldplay's Fix You will no longer be allowed in TV soundtracks.

  14. Supreme Court vacancies will be filled by one of those animals that can accurately predict sports winners, starting with Paul the Octopus.

  15. Every time Google cancels one of its applications, they must immediately add 10 new cities to their Google Fiber initiative.

  16. Microbreweries will only be allowed to brew 1 IPA at a time.

  17. The opening ceremonies of the Olympics will not last longer than 1 hour. To expedite the proceedings, all athletes will be chased by frightful pumas as they march in country by country.

  18. All movie studios must stop making superhero movies immediately and indefinitely.

  19. All service stations must be converted into either a Sheetz or a Wawa.

  20. All procedural delaying tactics in the House or Senate, such as filibustering, must be performed while naked.

tagged as lists, politics | permalink | 6 comments


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