Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Loudoun Election Cheat Sheet, Part I of III

It's often difficult to cut through the macrame potholder of misinformation that stretches across the loom of general elections. With district boundaries resembling modern day Nazca lines, it can be a chore just figuring out who's eligible for your vote and which voting station to report to (dropping in unannounced on a random elementary school is frowned upon in this day and age).

As a public service, the URI! Zone is offering side-by-side comparisons for every race. Currently, this data is limited to my direct voting area because I'm but a one-man political team with no revenue stream and my district is the only one that matters. If a comparable resource does not exist for your area, you should seriously consider moving to Sterling Park so we can hang out, vote on stuff, and grill things.

State Senator, District 33



Jennifer T. Wexton (D) Stephen B. Hollingshead (R)
Current PositionIncumbent, Virginia SenateDirector on two boards
Last Election ResultWon (with 52.7% of the vote) for Mark Herring's vacant seat in 1/2014Lost to Barbara Comstock (by a 47.9% margin) in the 2014 Republican primary for US Congress
Degrees InLawPolitical Science
Lives InLeesburgLeesburg
Self-described PrioritiesEconomy, Education, Women's Health, Transportation, Health Care, Environment, Gun Safety & Mental Health, Ethics Reform, Voter RightsLiberties, Education, Jobs, Traffic
EndorsementsWashington Post, NEA, NVTC, and 18 othersNRA-PVF and assorted single person endorsements
NRA Political Victory Fund GradeDAQ
Campaign Website AnnoyancesMouseover menusMouseover menus, Animations, Assumes you're on mobile
Twitter E-Peen Ratio467 tweets : 1388 followers4532 tweets : 772 followers
Number of Kids2, developed internally13, outsourced labor
Went to UVaNoNo
Public LinkedIn Profile LengthNo account8 Page Down taps
Best Name AnagramNew Fen Otter JinxBeholden Staph Shingle
Notable Wikipedia ControversiesAllegedly comparing Tea Party activists to rapistsNot notable enough for Wikipedia
Probable World of Warcraft Raid RoleMaking sure no one cheats on Raider DKPProcess improvement after reviewing raid battle videos
Ink Cost of New Loudoun Stationery16 characters21 characters
Has a Real HostnameNo, jenniferwexton.ngpvanhost.comYes, www.hollingshead.com
Minorities in Team Picture58.3%No Team Photos on Website
Photographed Wearing a Hard HatNoYes

House of Delegates, District 86



Jennifer B. Boysko (D) Raul "Danny" Vargas (R) Paul R. Brubaker (I)
Current PositionAide to Dranesville SupervisorPublic Relations, Board MemberVice President of Strategic Accounts
Last Election ResultLost to Tom Rust (by a 0.3% margin) in 2013 for same House of Delegates seatNo Previous ExperienceNo Previous Experience
Degrees InUnknownMiltary CareerPolitical Science, Public Administration
Lives InHerndonHerndonHerndon
Self-described PrioritiesTransportation, Education, Health / Human Services, Women's Rights, Immigration, Equality, Environment, Economy Education, Transportation, Economy, VeteransTransportation, Education, Economy, Social Issues, 21st Century Government
Endorsements21 organizational endorsementsWashington Post, former incumbent, Tom Rust, and many othersassorted individual endorsements
Second LanguageFrenchSpanishUnknown
Portrayed By (in Lifetime movie of election)Mary SteenburgenJimmy SmitsMichael Chiklis
Profile Most Resembles Shape of DistrictX
Family Photo onA staircaseThe couchThe Herndon caboose
Probable Hunger Games StrategyPoisoned rationsClaim all of the cornucopia weaponsStrategic alliances followed by inevitable betrayal
Most Likely to Care about the Gerrymandered Loudoun tumor on the District

To be continued tomorrow...

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