Pandemic Retrospective, Part I of IV

Introduction

This is the first in a short series of posts about the COVID-19 pandemic and its long-term effects on my psyche. I want to capture an honest assessment of these strange times before my memories become blurry and apocryphal, because I'm ancient (over 40) and near death (I eat a lot of shells and cheese).

I've come to believe that sharing honest thoughts is one way to rejuvenate the fading social connections we all need to thrive. It's an open secret that a blog isn't truly a window into someone's inner thoughts, but a protected wall they can scribble on that highlights only what they select to be seen. With social media reinforcing just the polished stories that boost the ego and put the author in a positive light, it's important to recognize that everyone struggles. No one's life is consistently and continuously amazing as Instagram might have you believe -- you're just seeing the carefully curated high points. Your struggles, and mine, matter as much as anyone else's and being open about your vulnerability can be surprisingly healthy.

For me, "traumatic" and other emotionally-charged words are not a good description of the past two and a half years. Life is not a movie: I was never in true physical danger and my livelihood was never jeopardized. Though I knew people (including family) who caught or died of COVID-19, no one was in my first-degree circle of family and friends. However, the fact that I was privileged enough to avoid a common dreadful outcome doesn't delegitimize my experience.

So this will be my story, put in writing, showing the impact of the past two and a half years on one person. It's just one data point in our shared history. I'll talk about how things went in the moment, the unhealthy patterns I fell into as the weeks stretched into months and then years, and the positive changes I've resolved to make as time moves ineluctably forward. I'm not trawling for sympathy or Internet fame (although maybe Ken Burns III will read this aloud in a documentary someday). I just want to share something viscerally real, and hope to hear something real from you as well.

Other posts in this series: Part I: Introduction | Part II: March - October 2020 | Part III: November 2020 - January 2022 | Part IV: February 2022 - Today, and Conclusion