Thursday, March 17, 2016

Fallout from Metro's Emergency Safety Inspection

Yesterday, the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority executed an unprecedented shutdown of the entire Metro system in hopes of inspecting a bevy of aging power cables before they exploded in someone's face. Thankfully, they did a great job of keeping disgruntled riders apprised through their Twitter feed.

Mar 16 12:01 AM
Inspectors are walking the 100 miles of underground track on the system, checking power cables for potential issues. #wmata
Mar 16 12:23 AM
FOUND at Greensboro Stn: Badly deteriorated cables. Huge safety impact if anyone actually got off here. #glasshalffull
Mar 16 1:05 AM
FOUND east of Georgia Ave Stn: Body of alley cat by 3rd rail. Apparently choked on a rat eating pizza.
Mar 16 1:42 AM
Just discovered that Bechtel forgot to install power cables at Wiehle Stn. #thenhowdidtrainrun #ghosttrain
Mar 16 2:25 AM
FOUND at Foggy Bottom Stn / Kennedy Center access: Punjab lasso and strange, white mask. Homeland Security notified in case of terrorism.
Mar 16 3:14 AM
FOUND at Vienna Stn: 3 skeletons. Probably people who fell asleep on Orange Line and tried to walk back to East Falls Church.
Mar 16 4:35 AM
LOST north of White Flint Stn: 4 safety inspectors. Reports of disturbed subterranean evil unconfirmed.
Mar 16 5:06 AM
Reports of riders falling over escalator gates into stations. #metroisCLOSED #putyourphoneaway
Mar 16 6:13 AM
FOUND at Eastern Market Stn: Restroom left unlocked #oversight #neverhappenagain
Mar 16 7:31 AM
FOUND east of Pentagon Stn: Secret entrance to CIA black ops division, APO. Still operational.
Mar 16 9:05 AM
FOUND south of Wheaton Stn: Cache of missing parts from multiple out-of-service elevators throughout system. #repairmanjobsecurity
Mar 16 10:54 AM
Smoke in tunnel at Nat'l Airport Stn caused by persecuted smokers pushed farther and farther away from their departure gate.
Mar 16 12:32 PM
Evacuating Benning Rd Stn after reports of explosives and cryptic German instructions to make 4 gallons of water with 3 and 5 gallon jugs.
Mar 16 2:11 PM
We will be removing good power cables from Blue Line to repair other lines until further notice. #rushplus #socialismworks
Mar 16 3:24 PM
FOUND at Archives Stn: Ancient shield with directions to find the cup that held the blood of Jesus Christ.
Mar 16 4:09 PM
Someone has stolen all power cables at Greenbelt Stn and replaced with jumpropes. #policenotnotified #justgreenlinethings
Mar 16 5:15 PM
FOUND north of U St Stn: Bunker with 425 surprise delegates that Bernie Sanders plans to unleash on June 13.
Mar 16 7:30 PM
FOUND at Woodley Park Stn: Mysterious safehouse stocked with red panda food and a scrawled map leading to "FREEDUM".

You might also enjoy these tweets from the opening of the Silver Line in July 2014.

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