Tuesday, June 02, 2015

New Words Day: Restrooms

adapting the English language for a rapidly evolving future

  1. stallcough: the polite, obligatory sound you make from inside of a stall to inform new arrivals that the restroom is not empty

  2. piloriphobia: the irrational fear that a Dyson Airblade hand dryer will suck your hands in and clamp down, trapping you in a pose of potential ridicule

  3. the dripping point: the maximum amount you can lean forward on an automatic flushing toilet before it believes you have stood up, resulting in a soaked undercarriage

  4. multi-ply: when the cleaning staff leaves a new roll of toilet paper atop the old one, doubling the effective thickness as both rolls dispense at the same time

  5. pigeonstall principle: the mathematical theorem which states that if there are n stalls and n - 1 are occupied, the next person to enter the restroom will leave rather than claim the last empty stall

  6. stalled technology: the rhythmic tapping of a mobile keyboard in an otherwise silent restroom which indicates that the owner still has a Blackberry

  7. unmasking the ghostwriter: the act of matching sounds or smells to an otherwise anonymous person in a stall, based on recognizable features below the stall door such as distinct shoes or a badge hanging from a belt loop

  8. handicap stall: an unusually large stall with an unusually high toilet in every restroom that reasserts the daily physical challenges that short people must endure

  9. wash Nazi: an automatic sink that shuts off ten seconds before you finish washing your hands

  10. Niagara tourist: someone who uses their phone for a voice call at the urinals

Share your own new words in the comments section!

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