Thursday, February 27, 2014

Sick Day

I am on Day 3 of a flu-like stomach virus, which is why there was no post yesterday. Apologies to the stalwart few that kept coming back every few hours and then checking the calendar to make sure that it wasn't 12 of 12. On the plus side, you now know what my website would look like on the first day after my death, or alternately, every Saturday since August 2004.

I first sensed that something was amiss around 3 AM on Tuesday. That entire day was spent at flu-driven extremes -- having a fever with chills, being exhausted but not being able to sleep, and incapable of getting comfortable in any position. Events came to  a  the head in the afternoon, in a Jackson Pollack meets the Exorcist meets my bathroom moment. Incidentally, the body triggers an effective physiological warning when you need to honk, but about 5 to 6 more seconds of alert time would be nicer, to get your affairs in order.

Tuesday night was the worst, scrunched up in uncomfortable positions across pillows and blankets next to a space heater, in the delirious throes of an opium dream to rival Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique. When not fighting cats for blanket rights, I was demonstrating the dual discharge of detritus from a dysfunctional digestion. The meals recorded in my weight loss journal for that day included 8 grapes and a saltine cracker. (Side note: get a wife, because they will go to the store and buy you grapes when you are sick).

Every day since Tuesday has been the aftermath of a tornado -- I am longer probably dying, but still not working quite right and not able to do much besides sleep all day long and eat grapes. This morning, I felt well enough to start a laundry with all of my artifacts of sick, and then promptly had to lie down for a nap before writing this post.

I feel like this stomach flu should have come and gone in a single day. It's definitely passé now and has outstayed its welcome. This is probably why they invented the word, "antedifluvian".

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