Answers Day

The sequel to Questions Day

"When should I retire?" - Doobie

When the tread on your existing tires is down to 4/32" or less. You can cut it closer in Arizona because of the paucity of snow, unless it's an El Nino year.

"What's the funniest thing you've ever experienced, whether a comedian's joke or just something weird that happened that you found hilarious?" - Mike (and Ghost Chompy)

The funniest thing that has stuck with me through the years would probably be one of these:

1. Nutrigrain Commercial
2. David Blaine - Street Magic Part 1
3. Mildred Queen and the Dips on The Moonlight Special by Ray Stevens

There are probably many things far funnier that are just too ephemeral for me to pull out of memory on demand.

"Do you think we (NASA, America, people in general) should work toward sending an actual group of humans to Mars, or just stick to machines and robots? Would YOU go to Mars?" - Mom

We should focus on reprogrammable machines instead of fragile humans. I have no interest in going to Mars myself, unless we can terraform the planet into a nice, tropical climate and get there in under six months.

"Barf-b-cue chips, right? Blergh." - Doobie

Barbeque chips are the worst type of chip in the Lays sampler box and are as bad as any of the themed chips like "Salt n' Vinegar" or "Chicken n' Waffles". I would not be disappointed if they stopped making them completely and made more Sour Cream n' Onion chips instead.

"Is sending a staged photo (that hints at possible pregnancy) to a relative who keeps tapping their foot awaiting the day to hear some kind of news too much for an April Fool's prank? " - Evil Mike

I would say that it's the perfect level of prankiness, although I'd recommend doing it in a slightly more sophisticated way. On April 1, go on Facebook and "Like" dozens of pregancy and baby-related links and groups. Share one of those stupid advertisements that will save you $10 on diapers if only you'll "like and share our company page!". Your relative will see all of these actions in their stalker feed, and immediately get excited without any direct contact from you.

You can also take this to the next level by not responding to anyone's requests for more information on the first day. On day two, "Like" various adoption agencies and then "accidentally" post "how much can i sell a kid for" on your Timeline, followed by the comment, "oops meant to google. how do i erase?".

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