Posts Tagged as offspring

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  1. Friday, January 05, 2018:
    Maia Week #26 Battle Report    Maia has finally reached the 6 month milestone, which is probably the point at which I should stop measuring her age in weeks and start using a more common metric like fortnights or eons. The two weeks since the last battle report have been holiday-centric and fairly disruptive, so there haven't been many crazy developmental milestones. She rolled over four successive times (only to the left) one day, then never wanted to do that again.   She can also say "em" which is clearly the 13th letter of the alphabet, and she can string this into multi-syllabic SAT words like "emememem" and "emememememememem". Surely, "Eminem" and "M&M" are not far off. Yesterday, I taught her how to use our touch lamps which blew her ...
  2. Friday, December 22, 2017:
    Maia Week #24 Battle Report    Maia is now 24 weeks old, 15 pounds heavy, and 1000 IQ smart. She has progressed quickly in the sitting department, going from your basic tripod pose a couple days ago to being able to sit up independently just yesterday. We have two loaner cats visiting us this week, and their antics have given Maia some extra incentive to sit up.   Life has progressed pretty normally since the Week 21 report -- the main difference is that we do our daily nature walks in the Dulles Town Center whenever the outdoor temperature drops below the 40s. There are fewer wildlife options in the mall but more chances for daddy fries from the food court.   We're staying local for the holidays and I'm off work for a couple wee...
  3. Monday, December 11, 2017:
    Songs of the Enrichment Jungle, Volume III  This next batch of songs does not revolve around characters in the Enrichment Jungle, but they'll be included in the same anthology when it goes to print.      The Nap Song : This is the song I used to regularly hum to Maia to get her to nap in the joey pouch while walking around the basement. When you get to the end, you repeat it ad nauseum. Most of the notes are staccato so you can hum it while out of breath on the nature park hill. She has since transitioned to 70s funk jazz as a soporific, but this still gets hummed occasionally.      Poop Bike : This is the song I use when Maia is working on her outputs. In measures 1 - 3 and 5 - 6, you should be gyrating the baby's l...
  4. Monday, December 04, 2017:
    Songs of the Enrichment Jungle, Volume II    The songs in this volume are about Mr. Lion, Orange Squirrel, and Boring Felt Owl. Orange Squirrel was written by Rebecca.     Other Posts in This Series:  Volume I  | Volume II |  Volume III  
  5. Friday, December 01, 2017:
    Maia Week #21 Battle Report    Maia is now 21 weeks old, which is the legal age for gambling in our household. Weighing in at 14.2 pounds, she can escape from tummy time through a sideways roll whenever she feels like it, but cannot roll onto her stomach yet. Her schedule has solidified to a 9 hour nighttime and an extended daytime with staggered 30 minute naps throughout. They're really not long enough to do anything productive in, so I squander the time as best as I possibly can.   We continue to give her solid foods in addition to boob milk, and she greatly prefers salted lentils to avocado. Aware that there are different tastes in the world now, she watches us eat with more clinical interest and yearns for the day she can eat sour cream...
  6. Friday, November 17, 2017:
    Maia Week #19 Battle Report    Maia is now 19 weeks old and quite a different baby from last week. In the baby biz, there is a concept called a "wonder week" which is where the baby is precociously fussy and you "wonder" why you had it. This is supposed to last a few days at every developmental milestone, followed by the opening up of a broad array of new skills. Maia's week 17 wonder week lasted about 3 weeks, starting around week 16, confusing the straight line of time more than an episode of LOST. The Daylight Savings Time change had minimal effect on her, but her round of 4 month vaccines exacerbated the grumpiness like wet sand in your swim trunks.   Since last weekend, however, it has all changed. Maia now goes to bed around 10 - 11 P...
  7. Friday, November 03, 2017:
    Maia Week #17 Battle Report    Maia turned 17 weeks old yesterday, which is in that limbo spot between 3 and 4 months of age that's not quite either one. She cannot roll over yet, but is able to roll on her side and contort her neck back so her head can look at things "above" her -- her body resembles the boot of Italy in this position. She also believes in quality over quantity, saving up her poops for one massive release party per day, usually in the early evening.   Maia also giggles, which is very cute, and has learned to make noisy shrieks, which is not so cute. She often sounds like that old Internet animation of the hamster riding a motorcycle, but with more piercing timbres.   Naps are still 30-minute affairs, almost to...
  8. Friday, October 20, 2017:
    Maia Week #15 Battle Report    Maia is now 15 weeks old, having finally crossed the 13 pound line and once again entered a competitive quartile in the American Ninja Fattening competition. She has discovered her feet and excels at tummy time, consistently holding her head up for longer than an alcoholic hobo on his 12th Steel Reserve.   She still only naps for 30 minutes at a time during the day, but this is counterbalanced by 10 to 11 hour night stretches where she only wakes up once to feed (our longest record night went from midnight to 11:30 AM with a 45 minute feed in the middle). Since it can take up to 45 minutes to get her to nap, it's usually much easier and more efficient to just pop her into the front kangaroo pouch and dance to Fu...
  9. Friday, October 06, 2017:
    Maia Week #13 Battle Report    Maia is now 13 weeks old (or 3 months if you prefer to measure time in glaringly uneven increments instead). She is now great at grabbing things and cooing as a form of communication, and loves our near-daily walks in Claude Moore Park. Her weight still goes up and down around 12 pounds as we had a few days where she wasn't particularly interested in eating stuff. We suspect that she will end up being a slow eater in the future, based on her average time at the spigot now.   Maia continues to be a very agreeable baby in most regards. The hardest and worst part of parenting right now is putting her to bed during the day. She usually hates to go down for a nap unless it's a short catnap in a front carrier that jus...
  10. Monday, September 25, 2017:
    Songs of the Enrichment Jungle, Volume I    These are the songs I sing about Maia's favourite buddies in her Enrichment Jungle. The eighth notes should clearly be performed in a swing style, because I'm not some kind of heathen.     Volume II will cover the supporting cast, such as the Orange Nut Squirrel, the Boring Felt Owl, and the Monkey Lip Apple.   Other Posts in This Series: Volume I |  Volume II  |  Volume III  
  11. Friday, September 22, 2017:
    Maia Week #11 Battle Report    Maia is now 11 weeks old and somewhere in the 11-12 pound range. The Internet says she should gain a pound a week for the remainder of her life so she should be at a healthy 260 pounds when she's five years old (The math is sound).   At this age, Maia recognizes us with a smile whenever we enter her field of view and can grab a burp cloth with both hands to stuff in her mouth like she's in a hot dog eating contest. Today she grabbed a rattle and shook it. She still hates day naps, but we're getting better at recognizing the paradoxical state of overtiredness so meltdowns occur less often. We do an awful lot of singing these days, namely  Senor Don Gato  (the best song ever written), as well as  Li...
  12. Friday, September 08, 2017:
    Maia Week #9 Battle Report    At 9 weeks, Maia is hovering around 11 pounds. At home, I weigh her like I weigh my steaks -- using the bathroom scale while gently cradling the bundle of raw meat in my arms, then weighing again without the extra encumbrance and performing simple subtraction.   We took her to the pediatrician on Wednesday for two-month-old shots. She did not enjoy this in the least bit, but she is now no longer a danger to herself or others when it comes to whooping cough, polio, rabies, pink eye, stink eye, idiocy, or any of a number of serious conditions. In head, weight, and length measurements, she has jumped up several percentiles like an SAT prepper who finally figures out what an antonym is.   During the da...
  13. Friday, September 01, 2017:
    Maia Week #8 Battle Report    At 8 weeks of age, Maia is 10.4 pounds of baby in a half ounce bag. She sticks to a fairly regular schedule of eating every couple hours during the day, but then spacing out to four hour shifts in the wee hours of the night. Her night generally runs from about midnight until 9 AM the next morning, which is the profile of my nights in grad school before I met Mike and started playing Monopoly until 3 in the mornings.   She still doesn't go to sleep very easily, and the biggest trick we've learned to date is to just be okay with carrying her around or hanging out with her until she's ready to sleep -- cutting out any explicit goal of having a sleeping baby greatly reduces the frustration of having her stir at the ...
  14. Friday, August 25, 2017:
    Maia Week #7 Battle Report    Maia is now 7 weeks old and somewhere around the 10 pound mark (9.6 lbs at the last Lightweight 8 weigh-in). I have not been as present and engaged as I would like to be this week, dealing with the red-giant-star-sized void left by Booty and a full week's work, but I also recognize that there will always be times where we aren't as good as we want to be. No one bats 1000 every day (or, "no one bowls a 300 every day" if you prefer your cliches to avoid stupid sports).   Luckily, we took on an indentured servant named Annie from LA to help us through this week, and she's done great work feeding us, doing tiny loads of tiny baby clothes, and keeping Rebecca entertained while I'm at work. As soon as she makes us one m...
  15. Friday, August 18, 2017:
    Maia Week #6 Battle Report    At 6 weeks old, Maia is nearing 9 pounds in weight. Her favorite place to be is on the changing table next to the bright silver YAY balloon that makes interesting noises when slapped. She spends a lot of time on this changing table now that we've learned to wait a few extra minutes with fresh air on the giblets before putting a new diaper on, because there's probably another round in the chamber just ready to fire. This knowledge reduced our diaper consumption from 18 down to about 12 per day.   This has been the first week with one of us parents back in the real world working, and we've worked out a schedule where I get a full, continuous night's sleep, go to work at 6, and get home around 2 PM. This gives me a...
  16. Wednesday, August 16, 2017:
    New Job Day  Now that I've been back to work for two whole days, it's probably safe to announce that I've accepted a new job that starts on September 1. Meet my new boss:     That's right, I'll be joining the hallowed ranks of stay-at-home dads. I'm looking forward to helping Maia grow up without turning into a neo-Nazi, as well as trips to the park in the middle of the day where I get accused of being a pedophile for being the only dad there.   Rebecca and I have been planning to do this since before Maia was born. I gave my notice at work in early June after we seriously discussed it and realized it was feasible. It's not a choice without risk, but just seemed like the right choice for us  right now . ...
  17. Friday, August 11, 2017:
    Maia Week #5 Battle Report    Maia just had another growth spurt, during which we were up at all hours walking with her or trying to get her to sleep without employing any wrestling moves. I use the enforced up-time to work on the Paravia Wiki, reread books by Philip Pullman (the good ones, not  His Dark Materials ), watch the first season of  Rake , and resurrect the 3DS that has been in a dusty box for over 3 years.   I've been trying to get back onto a regular sleep schedule so I can return to work next week and am doing pretty impressively, with an average of 8 hours in any given day. I also get fewer "sleep deprivation dreams" which are like macabre stress dreams that go on and on in the same venue and with the same ...
  18. Wednesday, August 09, 2017:
    Imitation Day  
  19. Friday, August 04, 2017:
    Maia Week #4 Battle Report    We have successfully kept Maia alive (Maialive) for four straight weeks, although in truth, it's mostly Rebecca's accomplishment. Since I cannot generate free food from my body, my contribution is generally feeding cookies to Rebecca while she feeds the baby (This is also the foundation of trickle-down economics).   Maia has not learned any new trade skills this week other than the ability to roll on her side. She enjoys looking at a picture of Montreux, Switzerland that hangs over our changing table, is indifferent to stuffed animals, and she doesn't mind the endless stream of friends stopping by for hugs.   Yesterday, we went to the pediatrician for a weigh-in and found that Maia had gained 1 lb 6...
  20. Friday, July 28, 2017:
    Maia Week #3 Battle Report    Maia is now 3 weeks old, which is a longer shelf life than many of my ambitious hobby project ideas. Caring for a newborn is much easier than sitcoms would have you believe -- at this point I believe that we're supposed to be stressed out over every shriek, gurgle, or burp she emits, like a very cute Geiger counter, and we're supposed to be badgering the pediatrician's after-hours number until they block our calls.   The reality is much simpler and can be boiled down to three cardinal rules:     Get sleep.   Get help.   Use common sense.     The fact that Rebecca and I have the luxury of maintaining a united front while I'm taking six weeks off from a...
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