Wednesday, June 16, 2010

List Day: A Training Timeline

Monday

  • 7:30 AM: Arrive for the 7:45 class.

  • 8:10 AM: Class has not yet started.

  • 8:30 AM: I have learned that the instructor is Canadian and has four daughters who got an award for dancing or something.

  • 8:40 AM: I have learned that the CEO of the training company is leaving to go to Costco now.

  • 12:00 PM: 20 Powerpoint Slides complete at lunch time. We are still in the "Overview" section and have not started Chapter 1.

  • 1:00 PM: Back from a lunch of leftover Cornish game hen.

  • 2:00 PM: I come to the dramatic realization that this week-long course has been, and will continue to be, a pure lecture-based training and eat some chocolate-chip muffins.

  • 5:00 PM: Break for the day. We have gotten through 72 more slides and are halfway through Chapter 1. I have learned that spam is "unrequested or unsolicited junk mail". Thank goodness the company is paying for this.

Tuesday

  • 8:30 AM: Day Two of the Languorous Lecture of Lethargy commences. We still have 44 slides left in Chapter One.

  • 11:00 AM: Chapter One complete! Five more chapters to go by midday on Friday.

  • 12:00 PM: Chef Boyardee for lunch. I have now completed 70% of an online version of this same class. Thank goodness for laptops.

  • 1:30 PM: I eat a bunch of grapes.

  • 3:30 PM: I eat a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

  • 5:00 PM: We get through the first 72 slides in Chapter Two. I learn that the Extranet is the part outside the Intranet.

Wednesday

  • 7:30 AM: For giggles, I count the slides remaining in Chapter Two. There are 110 left in this chapter, and roughly 300 left in the booklet. It's time for a chocolate-chip muffin.

German student attacks Hells Angels with a puppy
'Touchdown Jesus' struck by lightning
Elephants using trunk road to block US Team

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