The Oscars, Part IV of VI

The Nominees:
Brother Bear
• Finding Nemo
  The Triplets of Belleville
  
  What will happen?
  Finding Nemo will win this category by a landslide, since Disney has lost its touch. At least Treasure Planet is not in the running this year. It's a risky proposition to not pick The Triplets of Belleville however, since last year's winner was another goofily drawn cartoon that no one had ever heard of.

The Nominees:
The Barbarian Invasions
Evil
The Twilight Samurai
Twin Sisters
?elary

What will happen?
None of these films even looks foreign, and the last just looks like a French person in ESL trying to say "celery". You can't fool me with a tilde. The ad copy for Barbarian Invasions says that it's about sex and friendship and other things that invade our lives. DUCK! It's a FRIENDSHIP INVASION. Evil wins, since the remaining competitors look too much alike.

The Nominees:
American Splendor
City of God
• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
  Mystic River
  Seabiscuit
  
  What will happen?
  The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the Jedi will win this category, simply because it's the hip thing to do, regardless of whether it deserves it.

The Nominees:
The Barbarian Invasions
Dirty Pretty Things
• Finding Nemo
  In America
• Lost in Translation
  
  What will happen?
  The actual screenplay of Lost in Translation doesn't deserve an Oscar, simply because it was the work of the actors in the movie that brought it to life. Without the talent of Bill Murray, it would have just been another movie where stuff happens and people are bored, à la Gosford Park. Finding Nemo isn't particular original even though it's good. Voters will choose The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King in this category because their muscle memory will cause them to mark a box that isn't really on the ballot. To salvage the show, Billy Crystal will choose Dirty Pretty Things and make light-hearted jokes about Audrey Tatou.

We're only two days away from the Oscar ceremony, which I probably won't be watching. Tomorrow I'll cover all the actor categories, and the final day will be devoted to the directorial categories and Best Picture. Who will win? Only I know.

Yesterday's notable search terms:

michelle cao, fork tailed bush katydid, weenie wagon, if all the girls who attended the yale prom were laid end to end, i wouldn't be a bit surprised

Happy Birthday Paige!