The Oscars, Part III of VI

The Nominees:
Big Fish
Cold Mountain
• Finding Nemo
  House of Sand and Fog
• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
  
  What will happen?
  I'll be happy if I never have to hear LotR's minor second motive ever again, and the music in general was good but expected (there's really not much you can do with so many expectations and preconceptions in the genre). Big Fish and Finding Nemo will split the vote in a Nader-Goresque manner, but not on porpoise. Since James Horner has already received eight Oscar nominations, the award will go to Gabriel Yared (who also wrote the music for The Talented Mr. Ripley) and Cold Mountain.

The Nominees:
"Belleville Rendez-vous" in The Triplets of Belleville
• "Into the West" in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
  "A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow" in A Mighty Wind
  "Scarlet Tide" in Cold Mountain
  "You Will Be My Ain True Love" in Cold Mountain
  
  What will happen?
  In the New Zealand travelogue, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, most of the documentary is spent runnning, riding, or hiking east, so I'm not sure why this song is called "Into the West". Voters will no doubt be equally confused and think the song tells about Will Smith fighting a giant spider on a railroad train. A Mighty Wind is not mainstream enough to get voters, and "Belleville Rendez-vous" comes from a cartoon composed of rejected art from The Curse of Monkey Island. The Oscar will go to "Scarlet Tide" because the other song from Cold Mountain can't decide whether it's in Ebonics or Olde English. Ain ain a word!

The Nominees:
The Last Samurai
• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
  Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
• Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  Seabiscuit
  
  What will happen?
  Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World will get a pity Oscar in this category because Russell Crowe might get pissed off and try reciting some more poetry. The Academy fears a pissed off Crowe more than a pissed off Cruise. Seabiscuit will go home with a special award for noun mixing.

The Nominees:

• Finding Nemo
  Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
• Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  
  What will happen?
  These movies have the ocean and boats in common, though luckily none of them star Kevin Costner with gills. By this point in the broadcast, ABC will be running low on time because they have to say The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King and Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World in every category, so they will shave off precious seconds here by awarding the Oscar to Finding Nemo.

Yesterday's notable search terms:

pictures of nickelpedes, the texture and hardness of radium, pictures of the brain working your short-term memory, shumps, how do i get fox jumped over the lazy fog, chicken stand

Happy Birthday Dad and Jim Barry!