The Oscars, Part II of VI

The Nominees:
Girl with a Pearl Earring
The Last Samurai
• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
  Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
  Seabiscuit
  
  What will happen?
  Movies (and children) should never be named Seabiscuit because it quickly dispels any drama and goodwill the movie has. Master and Commander will win the Oscar for nonsensical titles, but tragically that category has not yet been invented. The Last Samurai starring Tom Cruise as Tom Cruise will get a few votes but not enough to carry it. This leaves the Oscar up for grabs between Girl with a Pearl Earring and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Last year, I picked all the movies which were NOT going to get Best Picture, to make for a more democratic award environment. However, this year I'll have to jump on the bandwagon and say that The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King will win the Oscar in this art category.

The Nominees:
Girl with a Pearl Earring
The Last Samurai
• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
  Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
  Seabiscuit
  
  What will happen?
  Movies (and children) should never be named Seabiscuit because it quickly dispels any drama and goodwill the movie has. Master and Commander will win the Oscar for nonsensical titles, but tragically that category has not yet been invented. The Last Samurai starring Tom Cruise as Tom Cruise will get a few votes but not enough to carry it. This leaves the Oscar up for grabs between Girl with a Pearl Earring and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Last year, I picked all the movies which were NOT going to get Best Picture, to make for a more democratic award environment. However, this year I'll have to jump on the bandwagon and say that The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King will win the Oscar in this costume category.

The Nominees:

• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
  Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
• Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  
  What will happen?
  All three of these movies should get the Oscar for making up long titles to increase self-importance. Every self-respecting movie is apparently supposed to have at least one colon, so The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King will earn this Oscar. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl's colon count is reduced by the fact that ghost pirates don't have colons. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World is set in a time where there were colonies, but that's not quite the same.

The Nominees:

• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
  Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
• Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  
  What will happen?
  No one will get the Oscar in this category, because voters will see the nominee list and presume that the makeup category was accidentally put on the ballot twice. To avert disaster, the Academy will have a quick executive consultation with Miss Cleo and give the Oscar to Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.

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