The Eleventh Commandment is "thou shalt not mess with the glory of chicken". Somebody go shove a bible up that scientist's ass. But don't covet it. There will be NO coveting of asses. See #10.

"Thou shalt not create misery out of the beauty of humanity" might have come in handy too. But you can't have everything, I guess.

5. Switch to a real mouthpiece and throw that Schilke paperweight away. I played a 17 in front of Mark Gould last summer and he ridiculed me until I bought a Bach 1-1/4C -- the mouthpiece of champions.

And your mental toughness is something to be admired -- I can't even get through the Ewazen when I'm listening to it, much less playing it. It's kind of like one of those 5 page article links that could just as easily be compiled into half a page. And then there's the Arutiunian. Which I'm sure you are annoying the neighbors with.

Trumpet rules!

6. Write more trumpet related posts. Trumpet trumpet trumpet.

I have transcribing work if you want it. I guess that's not really composing but it pays well.

I like dark meat. I like the Ewazen. I haven't played the Arutunian in years.

I don't need transcribing work for money -- I'd probably work for mostly free on arranging though.

Start converting your other arrangements for steel band. You can donate all the $$$ to me.

I've got some great titles ready.

Panned by the Critics, Dance Balls of Steel, Concerto for Panhandler, Tenor Pan and Tinkerbell

Oh man, I'm totally stealing Panned by the Critics. Maybe I'll change it to Panned 49 States and Puerto Rico.

I wish I understood music better.

It's like the making of sausage. Sure, it's pretty good but you don't want to know how it's made.

Why do you think they're called quavers? They're shuddering in fear of the note-mincers!

And sometimes when they run out of meat, they pick up some dead rat off the floor, toss it in, and make it look like a sausage.

You're gross.

You don't know the half of it. From what I've heard, when Brian runs out of musical ideas he picks up a dead spice girls song off the floor and just minces it in.

That certainly helps explain the previously inexplicable cultish teen girl following.

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