Total Comments: 250
First Post On: 08/05/2005 08:30 PM
Last Post On: 10/04/2006 04:04 PM
#1) Friday, August 05, 2005
So wheres my icon, Comment Whore? :P

You need a butler to go with that sidewalk. A really snooty butler to send people around to back to the trade entrance.

#2) Friday, August 05, 2005
Brian, you're an imbecile! <3

I'll try to find something avatar-worthy...

(you can give me a placeholder in the meantime if you like)

#3) Thursday, August 11, 2005
Hilary Swank getting the crap beaten out of her doesn't make a movie that's fun to watch.

#4) Friday, August 12, 2005
I've never seen a Post Grad Stud with such magnificent, rock-hard puns. Clearly you've been working out...the phonetics.

UR#I!

#5) Friday, August 12, 2005
Damn!

That's such a beautiful temporary icon, I'm almost sorry I sent you a proper one...

#6) Friday, August 12, 2005
Nah, it's ok. I'm happy with this one. I have, however, stolen the temporary icon for use as my MSN avatar.

You should drag your ass onto some kind of chat program every now and then, by the way. Possibly you have me on block. I swear that boiled bunny was an accident!

#7) Friday, August 12, 2005
Eh?

You slack bastard! I thought the new one was all set! :P

#8) Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Those are some pretty impressive name-blurring skills you have there. It takes real talent to blur names right up to the last point where they're still entirely legible. I notice you managed to successfully blur your *own* id, of course.

:D

#9) Wednesday, August 17, 2005
1/16 italian? Sounds more like an ex-smoker.

#10) Thursday, August 18, 2005
http://www.nice-tits.org/

Careful with the hyphen, boys and girls.

#11) Friday, August 19, 2005
Turkey Bacon? What the fuck is that about? I'm glad we don't have it here. Only thing worse than that is those Tofu turkeys. I never understood the appeal of turkey, though. On a couple of days in the year that you're SUPPOSED to be having a treat, instead you eat something which isn't quite as nice as the chicken you eat for the rest of the year. Sure, turkeys are bigger, but you could just cook two chickens. Or three, if you're inviting me.

Your "Tits and Asphalt" joke only works in American.

M.I.A is a real feast of musical atrocities. I endured one or two other of their songs (or rather, their music videos) prior to Bucky Done Gun. It's not an outlier. The videos, incidentally, are also very bad. Not quite, alas, in the "so bad it's good" category.

#12) Friday, August 19, 2005
It's not that we don't have asphalt, it's that the pronunciation pun only works if you're American. Even leaving aside "ass", you pronounce Asphalt differently to us.

We usually call it Bitumen when it's on roads, too, but that's less of an issue.

#13) Tuesday, August 23, 2005
<3 Calvin.

I like birthdays, mine and other peoples. :)

Referencing the last set of comments, you really are terribly polite, aren't you Brian? You even censored the word "shit" in 222 Things About Me.

#14) Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Calvin and Hobbes is my favorite comic strip too.

Did I ever link you to Ozy and Millie? Its quality wobbles a fair bit, but there's some gems in there, especially from earlier years. If you check it out, download the archive zips instead of browsing the site.

In general I can't stand soaps. But there's something irresistible about For Better or Worse. I always read it if I run across a newspaper in the course of my intrepid travels.

#15) Thursday, August 25, 2005
Greatest song ever marred by a bad chorus: Thank You, by Dido.

I like Dolores O'Riordan. But I have a bit of a fetish for funny-sounding vocalists.

Speaking of funny-sounding vocalists, other good examples of "rhythmic patter-y lyrics", if you're talking about what I think you're talking about, is Every You Every Me, by Placebo. I'm very fond of that effect too.

Another thing I like is songs which are deliberately and enthusiastically bad. Here's a good example for you. Complete with MP3.

#16) Friday, August 26, 2005
The not-lined-up atm buttons have always gotten on my nerves. Surely it can't be that hard to do?

And it turns out it isn't! In recent years I've been coming across ATMs with LCD screens, and they line up exactly. I can't think of anything innate to CRT displays that would make it harder to do with them, though, so I'm forced to conclude they've just been sloppy in the past.

Possibly modern computers allow them more control over positioning of text and interface elements on the screen. But if screen positioning was hard to control before, why not design the buttons to match up to the screen, instead of vice versa?

I always make sure I'm wearing panties when I go to the ATM too. I'm rather a tall gal, and can we ever really be certain just where the lens is for the "you may be photographed while using this ATM" camera?

#17) Monday, August 29, 2005
Poker and does she not giggle? River and shall she not revenge?

One of these days you're going to find yourself holding Aces and Eights, Brian. :D

#18) Wednesday, August 31, 2005
The Eleventh Commandment is "thou shalt not mess with the glory of chicken". Somebody go shove a bible up that scientist's ass. But don't covet it. There will be NO coveting of asses. See #10.

"Thou shalt not create misery out of the beauty of humanity" might have come in handy too. But you can't have everything, I guess.

#19) Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Why do you think they're called quavers? They're shuddering in fear of the note-mincers!

#20) Wednesday, August 31, 2005
You don't know the half of it. From what I've heard, when Brian runs out of musical ideas he picks up a dead spice girls song off the floor and just minces it in.

#21) Friday, September 02, 2005
Hate to say it Brian, but you're a bit of an idiot on this one. :)

While there are always some people who cheerfully ignore any degree of disaster warning with bloody-minded glee, most of the people who were left behind in New Orleans do not fall into this category. The people left behind are the poor who had nowhere else to go.

Where exactly do you go to when you can't afford accommodation, or even transit out of the city?

My impression is that government authorities made very little effort to provide free transport, and even more importantly, free accomodation, outside New Orleans for any of these people.

The only real suggestion seems to have been "shelter in the stadium", which has since been commuted to "rot in the stadium".

How exactly is it that after pretty much any disaster anywhere in the world, there are air drops of food, water and supplies within 24-48 hours, and yet (as far as I gather) there's been none of that in New Orleans?

Seriously, what the fuck is the problem here? Too much of the army overseas fighting wars? There must be civilian aircraft that can do it. How are you able to get armored personnel vehicles in there but not food?

Oh, but you were seeking to avoid a rant on this topic...

#22) Friday, September 02, 2005
Whoa. What the FUCK?! What the FUCK?!

OK, so before I was ignorant. I just did some proper reading of news reports and stuff and it's far WORSE than I thought.

And seriously Brian, you're welcome to your "I'm not political" take on life, but get the hell away from commentary on issues like this if you seriously think the people there have a significant part in the responsibility for their current misfortune.

If you really believe that, you are breathtakingly ignorant.

You know, AUSTRALIA could have relieved that city by now. When the Tsunami hit Indonesia, we pulled off a more signifact relief effort in less time across an OCEAN, on the opposite side of the country from where all our big cities are. AND we have a large chunk of our army off fighting your wars with you.

#23) Friday, September 02, 2005
America must surely be the only country in the world where authorities would put protection of MONEY AND PROPERTY over evacuactions and saving lives.

#24) Friday, September 02, 2005
Welcome to rantville, population: me.

Sorry for the comment spam. But I'm venting on all wavelengths at the moment, including to three separate people on IM programs.

This is the sort of fiasco you impeach presidents for. Not having your cock sucked by an intern.

#25) Friday, September 02, 2005
"Even the poor, or the destitute could have made their way to a central shelter like the stadium or the convention center."

Quite a lot of New Orleans sites are down, but google seems to be implying that estimates put the population of New Orleans at about 1.3 million.

The city must be of significant size. There were no fleets of free buses to get people across the city to the stadium. Are you expecting people to walk for several hours to reach the stadium?

Poor people are, broadly, more disadvantaged in the US than in any other Western country. This presents some unique problems, and exacerbates other problems:

* Lack of media access. You're assuming that everyone in New Orleans had full and frank warning of the scale of the Hurricane. I don't believe you can assume this.

* Lack of education. Education standards in the US are poor, and they're at the worst amongst people who can't pay through the nose for it. Even allowing for Hurricane warnings getting through, I don't think you can assume the entire population had the education to fully understand the implications of a Hurricane, and for instance how far inland disaster had the potential to reach.

* Economic reasons make it extremely difficult for poor people to travel significant distance without assistance. Little to none was provided so far as I can see.

* Healthcare in the US is even worse and more income dependant than the education. Sick and injured people will inevitably be at a higher percentage amongst the poor population of New Orleans - these people have further difficulties travelling, and that keeps healthy people back to look after them as well.

Relatively income-independent problems include:

* The warnings, while significant, were not sufficient. People might have reasonably expected severe storm damage, heavy rain, flash flooding, and so on. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the authorities never said anything like "the levees are likely to break resulting in long term non-retreating flooding of most of the city". Or, indeed, "well sit on our fat asses for several days and do (relatively) fuck all to help you after it hits".

* There is a cultural problem with money and property in the US. Egged on by the media, I'd bet there were a LOT of people more worried about looting than the Hurricane. They will never be available, but personally I'd be very interested to see statistics on the number of people who stayed to "protect my house/business/money/stuff". Even the RELIEF EFFORT had trouble with this. Resources that should have been concentrated on restoring levees and finding and evacuating people were instead diverted to stop looting. And nobody in control was shouting at the top of their voices "thats an unbelievably ridiculous thing to do". As if any amount of looting is going to be anything other than a drop in the ocean compared to the huge damage the hurricane itself caused. The paranoia about it is laughable, and very, very sad.

A sense of proportion about things is another huge cultural problem. Compare the money, effort and legislation being invested in addressing terrorism with the pathetic little being done about the road toll, or gun deaths, or indeed the crippling domestic poverty, all of which are far larger problems, all of which cost the US more financially, and all of which are directly killing far more people individually , let alone combined, every year. Including in 2001.

God forbid you should have to wear a seat belt. Or register your gun. Or wait a week, or even a day, to buy one. Or do something about millions of urban poor and the associated crime, other than sticking people in prison in record and disproportionate numbers.

* There is a history of choice in hurricane evacuations (and indeed in most other prior-warning situations). Historically, staying home, boarding up, and riding it out has been an acceptable, tolerated, and even encouraged option.

"As for the rest, the incoming federal aid is pretty laughable, and the people still stranded at various shelter points are justified in their complaints, but the complaints really aren't helping at all. Plus, too much of the local aid had to be diverted to save all the random people floating on rooftops, diverted major resources from the mass-mobilization efforts."

The complaints are helping. It seems to be pretty much the only thing that managed to get significant aid and relief moving on this.

Later the complaints will help bring down, hopefully, various governments and officials responsible for fucking this up. And rightly so.

Too much of local aid was diverted, not to stranded people (a worthy cause), but to stop looting (a stupid cause). And nothing local is "major resources" - major resources weren't diverted from or to anything. They simply weren't utilized at all.

Lastly...

I'm not of the opinion that when someone does something reckless or stupid, that they automatically lose all right to compassion, help or assistance. Especially when the consequences of their recklessness are far worse than they could reasonably have predicted or expected.

Surely in a country where you're willing to give one person several million dollars in compensation for spilling hot coffee on themselves and complaining it was "too hot", you can spare a little sympathy for people profoundly effected by one of the biggest natural distasters in the history of your country, regardless of the reason they were caught up in it.

#26) Friday, September 02, 2005
Oh, something I forgot to mention. The principles of triage apply to natural disaster relief as well as medicine. You treat the most serious and life threatening cases first, and that means the people stranded and drowning, not the people relatively safe in the stadiums.

That's no excuse for not evacuating the stadiums though, and it's certainly not an excuse for the lack of supplies there.

#27) Friday, September 02, 2005
"While agree a lot more could have been done initially take into consideration the two main inroads (bridges) are 100% worthless, the ports are completely blocked my wrecked ships and the airports were underweater."

The US is full of airports and planes. They don't have the leave from New Orleans or Florida to drop supplies there.

"That leaves only Rt. 90 in where hordes of gangs were shooting everything that tried to get into the city."

Gross exaggeration. Not to mention that the worst of the violence wasn't immediate, but came long after the relief effort should have been in full swing, and indeed the lack of relief probably was a direct and significant contributing factor in it.

Moreover, the relief effort should have been so large, with the army involved, that a few mobs with guns wouldn't have been an issue in any case.

"If blame has to be assigned, I would nominate the Mayor. A good sign of the severity would have come if he had released all the buses in the county for the evacs. He didnt."

I assume you're referring to the period before the hurricane hit. Many people have blame there, including the major, but I don't think it would be fair to rest all or even most of it on him.

In the post-hurricane situation, I think there proportion of blame attributable to the major is very small, if he deserves any at all (which he may well not).

#28) Friday, September 02, 2005
Relief restores law and order. And a large scale relief effort would have the resources to do both at the same time. The scale of the breakdown in law and order (which has been, I still think, exaggerated) is directly attributable to the lack of a proper response.

This isn't Iraq. There is no way a few mobs with guns should be getting in the way of anything. They're not going to be taking out armored personnel carriers with handguns. Or even shooting at one, I would think.

Why isn't the army at the front and centre of the relief effort? They are in every other country. It's their job to go into dangerous, life-threatening situations. If they can be risked in Iraq they can risked in New Orleans, for fuck's sake, regardless of any level of snipers or gun toting mobs.

#29) Friday, September 02, 2005
An air drop is when you drop supplies from the air (by helicopter or plane) *without* landing it - you don't need a local air strip. The whole point is it's the fastest way to get supplies in to places when all the infrastructure is wrecked.

They did it in Iraq and Afghanistan, if you recall. There was a big fuss over it because they'd made the packages they dropped the same colour as unexploded cluster bombs were.

As for the major, I don't think *anyone* local could reasonably be said to have had resources capable of a meaningful response after the hurricane hit. They didn't have communications, most of the stuff was flooded, and so on.

Perhaps mayors have more power in the US than I realise - but still it seems bizarre to me that he would be expected to be at the head of (or even significantly involved in) the relief effort after the hurricane.

I'm willing to grant you the point that the major didn't do enough prior to the hurricane to get the city evacuated. However, I've seen no evidence that anybody else, at a state or federal level, did anything at all about it.

And the complete inadequacy of the post-hurricane response can't be blamed on the evacuation problems prior to it hitting.

#30) Tuesday, September 06, 2005
I found Lost to be pretty underwhelming, personally. Buggered if I know how they're going to stretch the concept to a second series, either.

Just as with 24, Lost was a pretty good concept that should have been a once-off thing. I'm sure if they'd structured and paced and written it for "one season, that's it", it would have been a lot better.

Kate is cute, though. <3

#31) Friday, September 09, 2005
* I really hope that's pronounced "low-down county". Best place name ever.

* Similarities between the look of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe and Lord of the Rings films is likely due, at least partially, to the fact the same special effects company (WETA) is involved.

(See also the visual similarities between the new Battlestar Galactica TV series, and Firefly - special effects companies are more distinctive than most people realise.)

* C.S. Lewis may well have been ripping off the bible, but fortunately I was far too athiest to notice. I think I quite enjoyed the Narnia books I read, but I can recall very little of them now. One thing I do remember was some "neutral" dwarfs shooting down a bunch of horses about to help out in a battle. It puzzled me at the time, because unarmored riderless horses seemed so much walking carcass in a battle anyway.

* I never liked horses as a girl. Not to imply I gleefully savoured their slaughter or anything. I was just sort of neutral. Like the dwarves.

* Your double parentheses would have been more impressive if you'd used more than one type of bracket.

* OK Cupid is a dating site that's actually sane and fun to use. At least I assume it would be. I've only done the quizzes. It's even sort of Open Source.

* Good on you for delving into lyrics. There is much to love. Of course the lyrics of your average song are so much horse shit.

* Why draw a rainbow flop? You should have put a flush draw there so you can crush somebody who makes their ace high flush. Of course it's more fun if you hit your house with the same card they make their flush with. But you'd have to draw at least the turn as well for that.

* The LI tag is for those who can't handle asterisks.

#32) Friday, September 09, 2005
I read the alt text already. I remain unenlightened. Guess I'm coming back as a snail.

#33) Monday, September 12, 2005
Good old Rick Santorum eh? (probably "not safe for work")

Your poll is discriminatory to non-US residents! I suppose your hosting association made you do it? :P

#34) Monday, September 12, 2005
Ugh. No edit function. T.T

#35) Monday, September 12, 2005
^ Hmm, I hadn't seen that one before. Good choice.

#36) Wednesday, September 14, 2005
The first series of House is on here at the moment.

I like it a lot, although the medical mysteries don't tend to be all that compelling, for whatever reason.

#37) Thursday, September 15, 2005
There's something about that 1991 pic that just screams "Winona Ryder" at me for some reason.

Also, is your shirt on backwards?

Could be worse though. It could have been naked shirtless Uri, but I see you were saving the worst for last.

Don't mind me. I'm just lashing out cause the raw sex appeal of that 2005 pic has me doubting my sexuality. ;)

Happy Birthday, Brian! You're the only online-person who ever remembers mine, so I figured the least I could do was make sure I popped in when yours rolled around. :)

Also:

I'm, like, totally with you on the hot vs cold issue.
25-35?C is the McKenzie! Zone. :)
(that's 77-95?F for you pro-monarchy imperialists)

#38) Tuesday, September 20, 2005
I would like to recommend Firefly. You didn't say it had to be a new show! :P

I was amused by the lengths that news report went to in order to avoid printing or even outlining the naughty phrase. My money is on "get fucked", or something similar.

#39) Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Hmm. Said statue seems a fairly neutral work to me. I'm rarely moved by sculpture, and I wouldn't call it a great work, but it's not something I'd call ugly or disturbing either.

If it's disturbing you're after, Dolphin-related articles have a lot more mileage. (WARNING: Not Safe For Work)

#40) Thursday, September 29, 2005
Ani DiFranco is an example of a (non-rock, for the most part) musician who is often better live than in the studio. Her two live albums illustrate this well, although they are recordings taken from multiple concerts, and not just one.

Also the Portishead album "Roseland NYC (Live)" is better than either of their studio albums.

I don't think there's anything inherent to live performance that makes music worse.

Problems are:

1) We have a generation of musicians heavily reliant on marketing, producers, and so on who can't carry a live performance. Most "manufactured" groups and solo artists are underendowed when it comes to musical talent or skill, and it shows up in their live shows.

2) Touring schedules are probably too hectic. It doesn't help the music when the performers are tired and unhealthy.

3) I think perhaps many artists and groups don't realise the amount of work they need to put in to make a live show great, and that maybe that work isn't the same work that it takes to make the studio recording great. There doesn't seem to be the tradition of rehearsal and perfectionism that goes with, say, a classical music concert. Orchestras get reputations for being good, or not, but it doesn't seem to work the same way for other concerts.

4) Dickheads sing along to the music, often egged on by the performers themselves. Perhaps one of the reasons Ani is so good live is that she asks people not to sing along. :D

...

Speaking of orchestral music concerts, some people argue that modern orchestral recordings (which are composites put together from hundreds of performances of the one piece) have forced modern orchestras to become a lot better and more consistent playing live. I have no idea if this is true, but it's a shame there isn't a similar drive within the music industry to make live performances live up to the CDs (I'm not saying the songs should sound the same as on the CD, of course).

Regardless, hearing, for instance, The Planets played live, even by an orchestra that didn't quite nail it, was way beyond any CD experience I've ever had. Perhaps I just need better audio equipment, though.

#41) Monday, October 03, 2005
There's also just plain "Bailey", of course.

#42) Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Firefly is the best damn Western ever made for TV.

#43) Thursday, October 06, 2005
Research suggests that the ideal nap time is in fact more like 20 minutes. You must be an outlier. :)

#44) Friday, October 07, 2005
In honour of your post, I lifted up my tshirt on the tram and yelled "RANDOM KNOCKERS!".

Well, not really, but it's 11pm, and I'm fucked if I'm going out now. Maybe tomorrow. :P

#45) Friday, October 07, 2005
Oh, and everybody knows that Harry likes the wand. :D

#46) Friday, October 14, 2005
Wow, you've got some real anti-talent when it comes to naming WoW characters, BU. I'll let you have "Jetsam", though. :)

#47) Thursday, October 13, 2005
OK, so I'm a day late, but here goes:

1. At the age of 10, I instigated a snail-racing fad at my primary school.

2. I am sexually aroused by women using long, rare or interesting words in writing or conversation. A close friend of mine once made such good use of "batrachian", I had to have a lie down.

#48) Friday, October 14, 2005
Anna, clearly you are a positive and redeeming force holding Brian back from a sordid life of criminal naming practises. I salute you! :)

#49) Tuesday, October 18, 2005
* I agree that pedal-bikes on the road are bad (for the bikers as well at the motorists); however, there needs to be many, many more bike lanes about the place.

Personally I just walk everywhere and catch public transport.

* A few of the SB emails at Homestar Runner are great, a few more are good, most are sufficiently watchable to make it fairly painless checking back every now and then in the hope of another "great".

Trogdor (and the accompanying flash game) was gold. Teen Girl Squad is another hit (and very similar in tone, I suppose). Most of the other non-SBemail stuff left me cold. I think it also helps if you're in the right mood for it beforehand.

* Anna: very nice! After three dictionary checks (two online, one treeware), I had to resort to a Google search. Bonus points because my heritage, too, is Scottish. :)

#50) Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Don't underestimate the power of the dark side school reunion.

I think you'll enjoy it! :)

#51) Wednesday, October 19, 2005
You can break my fall if you like. I can always use someone soft short to land on.

This could become a whole new career for you. It would probably work best if you diversified, though. Anna could use you as a floatation device, for instance. :)

#52) Thursday, October 20, 2005
A lot of your funny/odd news links seem to be from Australian news sites. Do you have some kind of Australia fetish, or are we just a little more funny/odd than average?

#53) Friday, October 28, 2005
Quite a few modern cars have a feature whereby the wipers finish up properly regardless of where they are when you turn off the ignition. :)

If I were a car person, that would be higher on my list of must-have features than, say, air conditioning. Or tyres.

This Halloween I'm going back to the traditional roots of the festival, so I'll be skyclad, and dancing somewhere appropriate. :D

(actually we don't really celebrate it in Australia)

#54) Friday, October 28, 2005
I'd trade it in if I were you. Clearly it's a recalcitrant heap of junk that doesn't deserve your love, support and patronage.

#55) Wednesday, November 02, 2005
MAN DE PODIUM!!!

(wait, Bush already did that; damn.)

#56) Thursday, November 03, 2005
Least you could have done was shopped some glowing eyes for the rollover on that halloween pumpkin-llama, you lazy bugger. :D

#57) Thursday, November 03, 2005
These "written at gunpoint" letters always make me laugh. It's as though the go out of their way to make it absolutely clear to anyone who reads the damn things that it's a forced apology with absolutely no sincerity behind it beyond "I'm sorry I got caught".

#58) Friday, November 04, 2005
I say leave the pumpkin Molly up until you're ready to replace her with Santa Hat Molly. :)

#59) Monday, November 07, 2005
That turkey-llama should have been in Doom 3.

#60) Thursday, November 10, 2005
"a real, standalone country inhabited by three-headed wheat people who get their Internet via fiber-optics"

Actually, that's Australia. Except Tasmania. Tasmanians only have two heads.

Great quote at the end! :)

#61) Thursday, November 10, 2005
There's no I in countries. It's a team effort. Where's your patriotism? Where's the damn edit function?

#62) Friday, November 11, 2005
I don't think 25 will get you the record, Kelley. Maybe in 100 years, though. 125 should be close. Although probably that will be nothing special in 100 years time.

#63) Friday, November 11, 2005
How on earth did the FCC get "Stations promos invoke shrunken testicles" from "Z-93 -- We keep it harder, longer."?

That list is funny, but also very, very sad. Almost all of that would be fine on radio here, though some of it would be required to be on past a certain time at night, I think. Although with at least one local station they play unedited naughty songs all day.

What the fuck was up with "Married By America shows digitally obscured nudity."? It still counts even if it's blurried or pixellated out? Now theres a fucked up country for you. I've a good mind to moon the lot of you. :P

#64) Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Sit and Reach is just a ploy to increase the self esteem of short kids. Success is inversely proportional to height. :P

#65) Friday, November 18, 2005
All those fancy programming skills, and you can't manage an edit button! For shame, Brian!

Jay North would look more convincing if he had horns on both sides of his head, instead of just one. Surely he's only half a menace, as things currently stand.

#66) Friday, November 18, 2005
Well aren't you a smarty-pants.

Edit: Shove that useless button up your arse, Brian.

(oh look, it works after all! :P)

#67) Wednesday, November 23, 2005
If you bottle up your pyromaniacal urges, do you get a Molotov?

That guy suing over Wife Swap hasn't a chance, surely? He must have signed some huge disclaimer that absolved the network from anything up to and including conducting nuclear weapons tests in his backyard before he went on the show.

I liked the ending to Lost in Translation. At this point I shall recommend the movie Ghost World, which I think is excellent, but which also has an ending that bugs some people. :)

#68) Wednesday, November 23, 2005
You mention arm flab a lot, Brian. Some kind of fetish?

Incidentally, XBox 360 means "XBox 2 didn't sound great next to Playstation 3". And while I don't condone launch-purchasing, console systems actually take a lot longer than a year to become obsolete. In fact, often the system doesn't being to reach its full potential until 18 months or so after release.

#69) Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Well I can't speak for anyone, but you're all the man I need. :P

#70) Monday, November 28, 2005
You get your vittles at Petsmart?

Also, having said "a pretty average Grisham book" was "a page-turner involving some lawyers" really needed?

Personally I'm planning on writing a book full of scary fear where people are always letting rip with screaming yells and running in terror from mutant canine dogs. ;)

#71) Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Damn. Is that photo of the dog from before or after it died?

"Standing waves of unfortunate taste" was a delectable construction. :)

#72) Monday, November 28, 2005
That's right, and they're even uglier than that one that just died.

#73) Thursday, December 01, 2005
Thanks for taking Melissa George off our hands. And that guy in The Guardian. And good fucking riddance to Mel Gibson.

You can have Russel as well. Technically he's a Kiwi, but New Zealand is Australias Puerto Rico, so we can do what we like with their movie stars.

We'll keep Cate Blanchett and Naomi Watts though.

I like Keanu. :D

I'm not going to claim he's a great actor, and his performance in Johnny Mnemonic deserved not only to be nominated for the 1995 Worst Actor Razzie (which it was), but to win it (alas, he was bridesmaid to Pauly Shore), but I still like him, and even find him watchable. :)

#74) Thursday, December 01, 2005
Yeah, I was like, totally square back then. Man.

The second two Matrix movies were both really awful. But I saw them both cause I have an interest in special effects.

You really should watch Johnny Mnemonic. Some really impressive classic Keanu there, including "straining at the stool", "attempting to form a complete sentence", "looking bad in a suit for the whole movie", and my personal favorite: "imparting dialogue like an elementary school class saying good morning to their teacher".

That should say "primary school", but one must make allowances for one's transpacific friends. ;)

#75) Friday, December 02, 2005
Indigenous Asian wildebeest = Yak?



#76) Friday, December 02, 2005
Mom:

By MI-5, are you referring to the show "Spooks"?

General comments:

Why does American TV keep renaming British shows with painfully bad and obvious substitutes? I think they underestimate their own viewers. And don't get me started on renaming the first Harry Potter book. :D

#77) Friday, December 02, 2005
Oh, I forgot to say I'm a big fan of Spooks. Great show. :)

#78) Monday, December 05, 2005
"Higher! Higher!"

Fulfilling his lifelong dream, Saddam finally gets tickets to be in the audience of The Price Is Right.

#79) Monday, December 05, 2005
And here's a second one (I'm really hanging out for that pencil picture):

Pavarotti rejects calls to "retire or get off the can", insisting he'll withdraw from his farewell tour "when the job is done", and will not give in to international pressure over mounting casualty figures.

#80) Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Speak for yourself! Mine were captions. Going on articles. :D

(I think I should get bonus points for throwing in a musical reference)

#81) Wednesday, December 07, 2005
What's wrong with standing on the left side of an escalator? It's the right side people walk up in any normal country. :P

#82) Thursday, December 08, 2005
I voted for myself, but 11 and 12 nearly stole the vote. :)

You're just doing this to get out of (a) an update, and (b) having to choose for yourself and alienate all but one of your friends.

#83) Friday, December 09, 2005
Please do not ask for credit, as a refusal often offends.

#84) Monday, December 12, 2005
Batman Begins was pretty good, and has a very effective villain.

My name is actually Rachel McKenzie, not "Rachel Winsh". ;)

They should have just taught that gorilla the sign for "beads" and sent it off to spring break.

#85) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Aggressive driving and speeding are both highly dangerous. If you don't understand why, you have no business on the road.

Don't make me write a whole essay on this, Brian. :P

The "conditions at the time" aren't the only thing that determines what a safe speed is, by the way. And no way is the average (or even very experienced) motorist qualified to judge what a safe speed is in any given situation. It depends on a whole bunch of factors, some of which they can't know, and some of which 99% of drivers don't understand (such as the laws of physics and the handling limits of cars).

#86) Monday, December 12, 2005
I'd offer to give you one of my votes so we could share it, but then Mike would be a winner too, and that does nobody any good. :D

#87) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
And to continue my grand tradition of posting a second comment about 5 minutes after my first one, Santa Claus has such a shabby history I'm not sure Paris Hilton is a less savoury choice of Christmas emblem.

#88) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Who's Harry Crumb?

I voted for Angelina. <3

#89) Friday, December 16, 2005
Doctored animated penguin gifs are impossible to resist.



#90) Friday, December 16, 2005
I prefer the pirates, because it's more professionally done (and because Pirates!), but in the spirit of the pagan midwinter festival...



#91) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Why, when somebody is impressing the need for speed limits and other important road laws, does some idiot (I don't know you, however your argument is unquestionably an idiotic one) always come along and bring up the "empty highway" situation as if that somehow proves some marvellous point?

I'll give you a better one. Driving through the outback in the Northern Territory in Australia. Huge fucking distances, no fucking traffic, nothing to run into. And guess what? No speed limit, either. But that's what we like to call, in technical terms, an UNUSUAL SITUATION. Just because you can drive however the fuck you like out there and probably not die or kill anybody else doesn't mean you should have free reign on every road in existence, OR that you're a good driver with good judgement.

#92) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
For Anna (I think?):

An example of the laws of physics that I was talking about is stopping distance. No matter how good a driver you are (and even with good tires and ABS and whatever else), your car will take a certain distance to stop when you hit the brakes.

This distance is dramatically affected by your speed. It's not a linear process, either. If you're going twice as fast as I am, it takes you *four times* as far as me to stop. If you're going three times faster, it'll take nine times as far to stop. Stopping distance is proportional to the square of your velocity.

So what you might think of as a "small" difference in speed (say five or ten miles per hour) can make a SIGNIFICANT difference in stopping distance.

Not only that, but you're travelling at a speed sufficient to kill a pedestrian, or have an accident resulting serious or fatal injuries to your or other people involved in the accident.

Five or ten miles per hour difference is a life or death kind of difference, and speed limits are extremely important.

(Tens of?) Thousands of people are killed every year by vehicle accidents in the US, and a huge fucking heap of those are preventable. If the sort of draconian laws and massive expenditure that the "terrorist threat" has inspired were directed towards saving lives on the roads you'd be averting Two-Towers scale carnage twice over every fucking year. The attitude of every bloody society on this planet towards car safety is ridiculous.

Driver ignorance is staggering. Driver skill is pathetically low. Driver training and testing are inconcionably inadequate.

#93) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Further examples:

* No amount of driving skill can account for the unpredictable nature of the driving environment. You can't predict with certainty what other drivers or pedestrians will do, so you need to have enough time to react when one of them makes a mistake. Speeding and aggressive driving both severely reduce your ability to respond to and avoid a sudden, dangerous situation. (One of the main features of aggressive driving is tailgating - driving too close to the vehicle in front - which *guarantees* you will hit that car if they're forced to stop suddenly for any reason.

* How many people do you know who can *accurately* judge distance by sight, to within a couple of metres? If you don't know exactly how far you are away from something, how can you know exactly how fast you should be going in order to brake in time and stop yourself from hitting it?

* Even if you can judge distance, can you do the maths? Do you know how far YOUR car, with YOU driving (it is different for every car and driver) takes to stop when you're travelling 10 miles per hour, or 20, or 30, or 40, or 50, or 100? Well, do you?

#94) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
In the section above where it says:

"Not only that, but you're travelling at a speed sufficient to kill a pedestrian, or have an accident resulting serious or fatal injuries to your or other people involved in the accident."

It is also meant to say that you're travelling at this speed until almost the VERY END of your braking distance. If you've only travelled half your braking distance when you hit something, you're still travelling at WAY MORE than half your speed. you'll probably be travelling at 80% or more of your driving speed, in fact. And 80% of NORMAL road speed limits is a FATAL impact speed.

#95) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
"I must be one of those 99% of people that isn't responsible enough to make decisions for myself or live my own life. Oh if only the government would do it for me, I'd be so much better off...."

Your right to make all your own decisions unimpeded by regulation ENDS when you endager the lives of OTHER PEOPLE.

Or is someone perfectly entitled to "make their own decision" about grabbing a shotgun and shooting up 10 people in a diner?

Cars are dangerous and potentially deadly machinery. The reason we tolerate that is that they're also very useful. But strict road laws are necessary to prevent massive loss of innocent life. Which, incidentally, isn't currently being prevented - however the laws that *are* present *do* prevent it from being *even worse*.

#96) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
There weren't always laws about driving, or vehicle safety standards. Guess where they came from? People said "Oh my god, there's so many people getting killed! What can we possibly do about this?"

And so we have laws and regulations. Because of "make my own decisions" dickheads, the laws and regulations we have are insufficent. But they're better than nothing. A hell of a lot better than nothing.

#97) Friday, December 16, 2005
For Beavis and Ex-Roomie (Anna?), I further elaborated upon road safety in the comments section from Wednesday.

Don't take my ire personally, it is of a general nature and not directed at either of you. :)

#98) Monday, December 19, 2005
Are you supposed to hand those hotel keycards in when you check out?

#99) Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Well that's an issue with enforcement, it has nothing to do with how necessary or reasonable the laws themselves are.

Over here they just note your license plate and send you the fine (and demerit points) by mail, instead of pulling you over. Also they use laser speed detectors that can pick you out of traffic.

#100) Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Rachel doesn't drive at all. Rachel walks, and catches public transport, and talks about herself in the third person, alarming onlookers. :)

#101) Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Snow excuse for it, eh?

#102) Wednesday, December 21, 2005
By the way, in sensible countries it's going to be 97? (36? in sensible measuring systems) tomorrow, and snow never falls except up in the mountains where it belongs.

#103) Thursday, December 22, 2005
How many entries do you have on the Infinite Cat project, Brian?

#104) Friday, December 23, 2005
Bi-weekly does mean twice a week. Just because lots of people use it incorrectly doesn't change its meaning.

Every two weeks would generally be called "bi monthly".

(Well, technically, it can, eventually. But only if it's a really significant, culture-wide change. Which this better not ever be.)

What's stopping you making your own cookies now?

How can people run a story like that Guinea Pig one without a photo? :(

#105) Friday, December 30, 2005
I put the milk in first if I'm running out of milk. There's nothing worse than filling a bowl full of delicious cereal then discovering you don't even have enough milk to be able to tell there's milk in there at all. :(

Wasn't there once a Far Side cartoon about this? "Wait [name], you add the cereal first, then the milk." And they're holding the cold cereal cookbook or something.

#106) Friday, December 30, 2005
Hmm, I should have saved the dolphin sex link I posted in the comments a few months back for that dolphin story. :D

#107) Friday, January 13, 2006
I just assumed they were all watching the Colin Farrell sex tape. :D

Btw, in this case I believe the woman involved (who is less famous, and apparently less private) is trying to sell it. But Colin won't give his permission.

#108) Thursday, January 12, 2006
I have wheat.

Also, Walkie Talkie Man has a really great video clip. It's like stop motion animation (claymation), only it's done in knitting. :D

When did people stop laughing at terrible "you may also like" suggestions and start getting offended instead? :(

#109) Wednesday, January 11, 2006
As Chompy said, Sodoku (the full name of this puzzle translates roughly to "the numbers must be unmarried", by the way) get more interesting the harder it is. :)

#110) Monday, January 09, 2006
Wa(*hawks*)heen :D

The Withered Spoon is generally quite underrated, I think.

Btw, there's probably a soundtrack album if you like their singing that much. Or was it just the singing you liked, and not the songs?

#111) Monday, January 09, 2006
All bad, huh?

#112) Tuesday, January 17, 2006
This entry almost inspired me to go back and read that week in 2002. Almost. :P

#113) Wednesday, January 18, 2006
That pig shit processor is actually a really important invention. I'm impressed! :)

#114) Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Oh, great quotes at the end of that parrot story. :D

Mr T is too large to fit through my dialup. :(

#115) Tuesday, January 17, 2006
You're just like Howard Stern, BU. :)

#116) Wednesday, January 18, 2006
There must be more to it than that. Otherwise they'd just be using off the shelf centrifuges, as it were.

#117) Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Secretly, I bet it really makes diamonds.

#118) Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Another good entry, Brian "nostalgic reminiscences" Uri! :)

#119) Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Oh, that leg story was so great. It's practically Monty Python! :D

Anna:

He charged; he was knocked to the ground; *while* on the ground he removed his legs and threw them. :)

#120) Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Thanks. There's nothing like the anniversary of an invasion to get the patrotic juices flowing.

#121) Monday, January 30, 2006
You could try heating them up in the oven instead. Thought honestly I'm not sure that would salvage them.

I'm continually astonished at the crap Americans will eat. Why would anyone want to sully the majestic culinary experience that is pizza by doing some nasty frozen thing in the microwave? Yuk.

#122) Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Is that a graph of vampire attacks during 2006? It's bat shaped!

Four of My Favorite Dishes

1. Nachos
2. Stir Fry (many variations)
3. Chook (in almost anything)
4. Korma

All home-made, mind you, or at least eaten out some place decent. Why are all your favorites fast food and pre-made junk? Yerk. Seems to me like your next house project should be a bloody kitchen. :P

Four Websites I Visit Daily

1. Penny Arcade
2. Blizzard (when SC2 comes I'll be the first to know, dammit)
3. Wil Wheaton Dot Net
4. The Uri! Zone

None of those (Google doesn't count) is updated daily. I guess I'm just compulsive.

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over

1. Mon Oncle
2. Casablanca
3. Local Hero
4. Brian's cat movie (oh wait, maybe it just seemed like the same one over and over)

Four Places I Have Lived

1. Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
2. Other parts of Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
3. Even more places in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
4. Brian's attic. (I'm callingposting from inside the house)

#123) Thursday, February 02, 2006
Actually, I'm the tallest freak. Not much competition around here though, hey Brian? :P

Kim's not a freak. Can't be a freak with a pink highlighter. Nosiree.

#124) Friday, February 03, 2006
Well, that'll save you on travel costs to the reunion then won't it? :)

#125) Monday, February 06, 2006
Hmm. I only just now realised the cat in Anna's picture is supposed to be an angel.

#126) Tuesday, February 07, 2006
"Police Beat"? Dear me.

I think it's pretty stupid that guy got arrested, though. What's wrong with just making fun of him and kicking him out? It's a college campus!

#127) Wednesday, February 08, 2006
I'll all human, baby!

#128) Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Err. That's "I'm". Damn, that's somehow a really creepy sentence as it stands.

#129) Friday, February 10, 2006
Pfft. Nothing ever combined to make Optimus Prime. If were combining your fragments into any sort of linguistic transformer, it should be Devastator. I never even watched the bloody show and I know that. :P

#130) Friday, February 17, 2006
G'Day > Howdy

My hairdresser (of many years) does a really good job, but she's not at all gentle about it. It's practically an S&M experience.

#131) Thursday, February 16, 2006
You push the buttons with the numbers on them.

What kind of idiot prank calls 911? I mean seriously, what the fuck?! Pizza Hut, sure. Home shopping numbers, absolutely. Phone sex numbers ("Hi! Squeal like a dolphin for me!"), no worries. But 911 is just stupid.

#132) Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Sorry to dent your ambition here Kelley, but they've already performed liver transplants on babies. Not everybody who needs one gets that way from heavy drinking.

So were the levels in the ice actually high, or were those places just really good at keeping their toilet water clean? :D

By the way, those juice boxes that come with the straw, the straw has one pointy end specially designed to pierce the foil. You used the normal end, didn't you? :P

#133) Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Hmm. Did you really have to send them to everyone, or was it just "everyone" of the opposite sex?

I must say, I didn't expect the US school system to be sanctioning bisexual valentines amongst elementary students. :D

#134) Monday, February 13, 2006
The Uri! Zone is due for a plot twist, Brian. Move to Utah! :)

Good use of photos in this entry. I saw every episode of Season 2 of 24, except the finale. I sort of worked out what had happened from seeing some of the start of Season 3, though.

Season 3 wasn't that great. But I might like it better on DVD. The main problem with 24 is that 24 hours gets stretched over six months. It takes FOREVER to go anywhere.

<3 Kiefer Sutherland.

#135) Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Hmm. That surprises me. The whole thing is bizarre, though.

#136) Monday, February 20, 2006
Wow! I wish my Mum made such great puns. :D

#137) Monday, February 20, 2006
No. I'm afraid I can't be your shoe person. I'm a broom person. I sweep the ice in front of your stones.

I'm an ice sweeper. I'm a nice sweeper. Iman: ice sweeper. Iman ices weeper. I, manic, es weeper.

Say that last one with some kind of funny accent.

#138) Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Ok, first of all, Bruce Willis is fantabulous. And your Mom is right. No baldness in The Sixth Sense. Just good acting. <3

Also:

2) Internet Lawyers:

Dedicated intellectual jousters, who relish the cut and thrust of civilised debate free from ad hominem attacks, you cretin.

These are the fresh-faced college kids who want to look smart on the Internet.

Oh, so I'm only allowed to legitimately debate something if try to make myself look stupid doing it?

If they disagree with a forum post or someones comments

I suppose you thought you were safe posting this drivel outside a forum? Think again! Better yet, think for the first time.

theyll quote the unfortunate body of text line by line

Yours is so strewn with ineptitudes it's requiring intra-line quotes.

then provide seemingly intelligent counter-arguments for each point.

ORLY?

Theyll end with a passive-aggressive conclusion which implies that since they addressed every point, they're obviously right.

Hmm, maybe you're right. OR NOT, BITCH!! (passive; aggressive)

Hey, we all did this in 1997.

Congratulations on being OLD. Clearly this enhances your deep and well-constructed argument.

Then we realized that arguing on the Internet is a waste of time

Only if you don't enjoy it. Or you suck at it.

and now reply with some variant of "ORLY?" or "urgay" or (for the Japanese) "...", and you should too.

Yeah, based on the quality of your arguments, I'd say that's about the level of response you're equipped to deal with, or indeed provide.

I guess this is just one of those things kids have to learn on their own.

So, when are you going to learn?

Love,
Rachel ^_^

p.s. irgay
p.p.s. ...

#139) Tuesday, February 21, 2006
OK it's too late to be fucking around trying something complicated to get the proper link, so here's a link that'll be dead a few days from now:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic

Good use of "...", I thought. :)

#140) Wednesday, February 22, 2006
I've been trying to get pregnant, but without much success. I think maybe my gf is shooting blanks. Weve tried 222 times so far this year!

Who's the mysterious 9th marcher?

The reporter had some fun with that blob story: "a pressurized liquid shot from every street orifice"

How exactly did you avoid quote that, anyway?

#141) Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Your mom is bald. Why are all my readers obsessed with Bruce Willis?

Damn straight she is, and you wish you had a wig like hers. GO the FRO!

Were obsessed with Bruce Willis because he's the man. What else is there to be said?

Technically speaking, a jouster would only be thrusting, as the horses would be moving too fast to attempt a cut.

They don't really thrust either, while they're on the horses. The cut and thrust happens after they both get knocked off, and then they go at it with swords until someone falls in the mud and can't get up. That's about the state you're at right now.

Yes, because that makes it easier to make fun of you.

Life wasn't meant to be easy. Only the TV Guide crossword puzzle.

Obviously you have not read my current tagline, which expresses my mission statement of "lowering the bar on Internet Intellect". I've got a -5 to Intellect.

At this point, the bar in question is actually subterranean. Bats hang from this bar.

(bonus points if you can tell me where I stole this from!)

Don't you mean "Youres"?

Actually, I think I meant "houris".

YA RLY!

Burned. I have no comeback. T_T

A hyphen is not a semicolon.

My clauses were independent; my clauses were related.

Your mom is deep and well-constructed.

She also constructs bore holes and water tanks. The once waterless multitudes of sub-saharan Africa sing her praises endlessly. With Paul Simon!

Don't poop where you live!

Teach that to your cats!

(ooooh. NOW it's personal)

ORLY?

Young agriculturists raise likeable yaks. :)

Can't you see I've already won?

O URI!?

#142) Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Is that your strategy for getting pregnant, Brian? ^_^

#143) Friday, February 24, 2006
I've never written a cheque in my life.

#144) Friday, February 24, 2006
That pun works on three different levels. Congratulations! :)

#145) Monday, February 27, 2006
The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello will win the Oscar because it was made by an Australian, and ever since Adam Elliot thanked his "beautiful boyfriend" when he won that same category last year, hollywood just can't get enough of us.

A bikini-clad woman then asks: "So where the bloody hell are you?."

Yeah, like Americans aren't going to rock up for that.

"A non-running computer produces fewer errors," says Hosten.

Best quote evertoday.

That basketball kid is such old news. Tsk tsk tsk.

#146) Monday, February 27, 2006
^ Speaking of that, how did Inside Deep Throat miss out on the oscars this year? ^_^

#147) Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I. Love. These. Comments.

Period.

:D

The reason Narnia looks a lot like Lord of the Rings is that they used the same special effects and makeup company (Weta).

War of the Worlds is going to win the special effects oscar.

Narnia will win makeup.

The Geisha film is going to win costumes.

Cinematography is Brokeback all the way.

Some crazy film that wins nothing else usually wins editing. So I reckon The Constant Gardener has that sewn up. Cinderella Man won't win ANY. Fuck you, Ron Howard. He pulled that oscar shit once already with A Beautiful Mind, he's not going to manage it again with this.

Goodnight, and Goodluck. will win the Art Direction.

#148) Monday, February 27, 2006
^ Ignoramous. Inside Deep Throat is a serious documentary about the effect the porn film Deep Throat had on culture, society, the film industry and so on back in the 70s. It was a really big deal.

So there. :P

#149) Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I believe there were some explosions and alien tripod death stuff. And lightning!

#150) Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Like those boys in Brokeback Mountain are different? ^_^

I hated those damn frogs in Magnolia too. Way to ruin a film that had finally started getting somewhere.

Tom Cruise sucks.

#151) Thursday, March 02, 2006
Francis McDormand already has an Oscar, so the fact she's funny-looking doesn't count any more. I reckon shell win it.

Is it just me, or does the Rachel/Frances montage you made give the impression Rachel is reaching over to cop a feel? Look at it! The expressions, and the angle of the hand...

Philip Seymour Hoffman is so overdue for an Oscar it's not funny. He's got Best Actor written all over him this year.

I think Reese or Felicity will win Best Actress.

Judy Dench is better looking as an older person than she was when she was younger. she's actually kind of hot. You chose a bad pic, though.

I think Good Night, and Good Luck is going to win Best Picture.

#152) Monday, March 06, 2006
What I really like about this years Oscars is that the awards were really spread out. No single film walked off with a huge swag of awards. I hate it when that happens, because I don't think there has ever been a film that was SO much better than every other film that year.

Go Wallace and Gromit!! :D

You totally underestimate Sound Mixing. It makes a big difference. The whole point of it is you're *not* supposed to notice when it's great.

OMG people can do fake accents?/!!1?! Wow!

It's quite funny from outside, how many non-American actors are assumed to American by Americans, just because they've done an American accent in a film. Even when they've had their normal voice , or different accents, in plenty of other films. (This isn't really directed at you[RI!] - it's something I've noticed a lot talking with Americans about films.)

Wil Wheaton (his blog is my other staple - he's in illustrious company!) thought the Pimp song and acceptance speech were a highlight too:

"The performance of "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" is probably my favorite moment in Oscar history, and I agree with Cinematicals Martha Fischer who said, "Nothing, ever, will top a giant marquee in front of an auditorium of rich, white people that reads "IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP." The only thing which topped that performance was the acceptance speech, from the highest bunch of guys I've ever seen on television, including the Cheech & Chong marathon a few years ago."

#153) Monday, March 06, 2006
Hmm. Oddly enough, I find Jake Gyllenhaal more attractive than Kiera Knightley.

Scarlett Johanssen on the other hand...

oy.

#154) Monday, March 06, 2006
Ooh, we nearly pulled off a simulpost there BU, :)

#155) Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Anna: His *urban* film won, though. Not that I think he has a point. He's still an idiot.

What he forgets is that there are many more city films than rural films. Looking back over the list of Best Picture winners, there's a fair few rurals, and no obvious pattern (anti-rural or otherwise) that I can see.

#156) Friday, March 10, 2006
Unbreakable was a good movie. Respect the Bruce!

Have you ever read the "real" versions of all those Greek Myths you loved as a child? The children's versions are pretty sanitized. I remember being surprised by all the differences.

#157) Monday, March 13, 2006
Is definitely indicative of a great hair cut.

We want to see the other pic too! ^_^

#158) Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Lego can't be pluralized.

The counter is "brick". One Lego brick, two Lego bricks. In normal countries (ie. mine), we call it Lego. Silly USians. :P

I think you owe the Danish an apology. Imagine how Texans would feel if people went around talking about all the "cattles" in Texas! :P

#159) Wednesday, March 15, 2006
What about captions for those of us who are recognition-challenged?

Benny Goodman is definitely your best match, Brian. :D

Their face-matching algorithm clearly sucks, though. It's silly that wearing a hat matches you with other hat-wearing people, for instance. It seems to be too strongly based on the pose in the pic, also.

Matching the woman below Brian with Scarlett Johansson is the only real success. Obvious resemblance there. :)

Anna resembles Alyson Hanigan and Jada Pinkett Smith

Yowza! :D

#160) Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Strip Scrabble all the way. And you should only be allowed to make naughty words. :D

#161) Thursday, March 16, 2006
Ooh! Joey Lauren Adams! Good choice. Oy. Hmm, you know, if she's going to play me, can I have a small role as my own love interest?

Joey Lauren Adams has the second sexiest voice in the world.

McKenzie is sans a.

My middle name is also Lauren. :)

#162) Thursday, March 16, 2006
Great entry today, btw. LOL @ Millionaire Years.

#163) Thursday, March 16, 2006
Your dots are out of alignment now though.

#164) Friday, March 17, 2006
Pollen allergies can vary by area. Mine get a lot worse in places that aren't Melbourne.

#165) Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Damn. URI! Zone is completely running out of girls I can hit on. :P

Congrats to Kathy and Chris! I don't really know you guys, but ya gotta love love. :)

Ever since I first caught wind of this Samuel Jackson / Snakes On A Plane thing on Fark.com a couple of months back, I've felt like there's some joke or reference I'm missing. If anyone can enlighten me, please do.

#166) Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I didn't read today's entry at all. It's bound to be chock full of spoilers, you spoiling spoilerizer you.

Harry Potter 4 doesn't make it out on DVD here until next Wednesday.

#167) Friday, March 24, 2006
If somebody is looking for hot mums to date without success, wouldn't it help if they weren't single? :P

There's a lovely dirty joke to be had combining the Hot Nanny Network and the Food Network, but as should be clear by now, I'm as pure and innocent as the driven golf ball, and above such remarks. Alas.

#168) Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Yeah, there's mood spoilers though. :P

I just skimmed it.

A few comments:

1. The characters age a year with each movie, and so do the actors. I haven't seen the film yet, but by my reckoning, the characters should be 15 going on 16 in The Goblet of Fire (or perhaps 14 going on 15, if there's going to be 7 years represented by the books/movies). The actors are reasonably plausible for that age, I think. More plausible than "child/teenage" actors often are, anyway.

2. The movies are long because Rowling is strict about them cutting bits out of her stories, I think.

#169) Monday, March 27, 2006
The iPod Zepto could come with a build in lighter, perhaps?

#170) Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Laptops would be perfectly effective classroom tools if teachers (and curriculums) were sufficiently computer literate.

I remember once in high school, we had computer class but our teacher was away, and the stand-in teacher knew nothing about computers. She made us spend the whole class with the computers *off*, because she was afraid we'd make them all explode, or something.

#171) Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Can you do a pre-fetch on Molly the Llama when the page loads? I am always grieved to see the blank space for several seconds while the onmouseover image loads. Sad sad sad. :(

#172) Tuesday, March 28, 2006
I'm happy to pay twice what I'm paying now!

#173) Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Everybody in Australia knows the word recalcitrant. Back in the early 90s, our then Prime Minister, Paul Keating, called the President of Malaysia recalcitrant. Lovely international controversy that went on for years! :D

The full transcript of those emails between the City Official and the makers of his webserver OS is absolutely priceless.

#174) Thursday, March 30, 2006
You have things the wrong way around, Brian. The use of the word "gay" to describe homosexual men originated with homosexual men themselves. I'm not certain, but I believe it derives from a similar French word that means a "dashing man about town". It was originally a wholly positive thing, the negative connotations and usage are a more modern addition.

Dyke and Fag are the now partially-reclaimed derogatory terms.

On one level it's quite amusing the way gay people have clawed back some of the obsenity from words like "fag" and "dyke", only to have it added to a word like "gay".

The thing I like about swear words is they're amongst the most satisfying to say. They tend to be clipped, short, and very versatile. Don't you just love the way cunt rolls off the tongue?

Yeah, that was terrible, but context is everything, so there! :P

#175) Friday, March 31, 2006
The way you mixed the words around while talking about your car noises was funny-peculiar, not funny-haha.

:D

Also, your photography skills are, like, totally ghetto.

#176) Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Java sucks. But good on you! :)

#177) Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I think you'll find, if you look carefully, that those snakes are actually on a plane.

There's a cat in the basket on the desk, and another up on top of the cupboard.

What do you sit on? Are you just the right height to type standing up at this desk? :P

#178) Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Hmm. What is it with people collecting ammo they find and assuming it can't be live? Isn't there an "all ammo is live" rule similar to "all guns are loaded"?

#179) Thursday, April 06, 2006
Isn't Erase/Rewind off the album Gran Turismo?

James Blunt sucks.

Oasis sounds better when they're covered by other people.

Shaggy's Angel is terrible.

Jet's Look What You've Done is a sadly inept Beatles knock off.

#180) Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I couldn't think of six (printable) unusual habits.

Your crotch is self-illuminating, is it?

#181) Friday, April 07, 2006
Don't you mean July? Human pregnancies go for nine months.

#182) Friday, April 07, 2006
Oh, and thanks. :)

#183) Friday, April 07, 2006
A board of doctors has proclaimed my official status as a Human. I have a certificate and everything. :)

#184) Friday, April 07, 2006
America was a penal colony too. My ancestors weren't transported prisoners anyway.

#185) Monday, April 10, 2006
I don't have a car. Pwned. :P

#186) Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Make us a recording of the Beagle song and put it up on the site! *With* vocals, please, but it doesn't have to be you singing, necessarily.

I've never followed any of your audio links, but that one I would. :)

#187) Thursday, April 13, 2006
I'd do one of these myself, but I can't figure out how to make censorship blurs in photoshop, so that left me with only six photos.

That couch pic is awesome.

#188) Monday, April 24, 2006
Non-lethal Aural Weapons?

That dinosaur fetus is freaking me out.

#189) Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Melissa George is Australian, but not one of the good ones. Both England and America are quite welcome to claim her.

A really good movie with Clive Owen in it is "The Inside Man", which is currently in cinemas here, and might still be in them over there too. If not, I'm sure it will soon be on DVD.

You suck at bowling. 149 is your peak performance? Dear me...

#190) Thursday, April 27, 2006
"Your momma's so fat, she falls on the wall."

Isn't that a humpty dumpty reference? Not bad for a four year old! :)

#191) Friday, April 28, 2006
ClearType is designed for, and only really works properly on, LCD screens. Not so flash for CRT dinosaurs, alas - for those it should generally be expected to make the quality worse.

Superfine is right. My girlfriend watches on in dismay. Maybe I *will* make an honest man of you, after all.

Courtroom artists mostly all look alike here too, but they don't look anything like your US example.

"I can help but date Asian, it's like a contagion!" - Is that the one?

Oh, and: "Hey baby, nice segues."

That's in honour of whichever of Kim and Anna coined it. Sorry, but I'm not trawling the archives at 2:36am to check.

#192) Monday, May 01, 2006
The largest stacks were not as exciting as I had hoped.

Including The Beatles in "assorted rock"?! Them's fighting words!

#193) Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Your company name freaks me out. I was long used to that standing for "female genital mutilation", and I still can't shake that whenever you mention it.

#194) Wednesday, May 03, 2006
So hurry up and rename it Uri! Inc.

Btw, here's someone else who adds an exclamation mark to their name. The archive is definitely worth a perusal. However, be warned that he straddles the line of taste sometimes.

#195) Thursday, May 04, 2006
I can't get any of them. A couple are vaguely familiar, but none are in my personal music collection.

#196) Monday, May 08, 2006
First comment! Time zones rock!

(I'm living the dream of countless idiots. It's really not as fulfilling as most of them seem to think.)

In other news, surely some of these tag memes could be a little more creatively designed? Hell, next time you're ready to pollute another entry, I'll write you one myself!

#197) Monday, May 08, 2006
Pfft. Fuck that. Elitist snobbery for me!

#198) Monday, May 08, 2006
Ooh, late night Rachel is snarky Rachel. :D

#199) Monday, May 08, 2006
When the time comes, give me a buzz anyway, and I'll write you one. You can be a trendsetter, BU. You can continue to be a trendsetter!

/flattery will get me everywhere

#200) Monday, May 08, 2006
^ I have no idea what that means, but it sounds pretty manky. Ewww.

#201) Monday, May 08, 2006
Digging him what? A hole? :P

"That's a post holer. You dig holes. For posts."

#202) Tuesday, May 09, 2006
The "Addicted to Meth" Oprah billboard happened to come up for me as the calendar photo today. Because it pleases me, I have mentally corrected it to say "Addicted to Math".

#203) Wednesday, May 10, 2006
<3 The Cardigans. Great band name too! Gotta love the way they take one of the daggiest words in the whole english language and run with it.

My wireless optical mouse eats batteries like a dutch sea wall eats feline mammal. Good on you for holding out for the not-gluttinous version.

#204) Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Oh, and enough with the montages, you lazy git. It's just an excuse to get out of your alt-textly duties.

#205) Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Enough with those Capulets too. A pox on both your houses.

#206) Wednesday, May 10, 2006
See, if you had a proper edit button, this sort of thing wouldn't happen.

#207) Wednesday, May 10, 2006
1. Daggy
Australian origin.
adj. not stylish, out of fashion, not trendy, not cool, untidy, unclean, not neat.
v. to have no style.

That haircut/outfit makes you look daggy.

^ Urban Dictionary to the rescue. :)

I'm not certain, but the word may have derived from "dags", which are the manky bits of wool shorn from around a sheeps arse that get thrown away.

Capulet was actually a pun on "montages".

#208) Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Oh, and I use my index finger for the scroll wheel on my mouse. Never any trouble clicking it. Have you tried that?

#209) Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Manky = yuk. Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk. If something is manky, and you're forced to pick it up, you'd use the classic "dead rat grip"; holding it between the tips of your thumb and forefinger, at arms length, with your other fingers angled away.

#210) Thursday, May 11, 2006
From the long clips, I managed to get #3, #4, #9 and #10.

#1 and #2 were familiar to me, but I couldn't pick them from the clip.

I'd never heard #5, #6, #7, or #8; I did pick the artists for #7 and #8.

Not one of these ten songs is in my 2020 song music collection. Therefore I declare this contest lame and/or rigged. :P

My music collection is about 60/40 female vocals. How did you manage to randomly pick 10 "well-known" songs where there were no women at all amongst the artists, even in non-singing roles? LAME AND/OR RIGGED! :P

Also, it's US-centric. For instance, Dave Matthews Band aren't big over here in Australia like they are in the US, because we have enough taste to know they're limp and unremarkable. :P

(OK, so I've heard one song and 7 seconds of another song, but surely that's more than enough to form an opinion of an entire body of work? :D)

#211) Thursday, May 11, 2006
By the way, it's runners up. So there. :P

#212) Thursday, May 11, 2006
Annex? Ha! Aussieland is where all the refugees will come when the red states secede. :P

Don't forget "Shaddap You Face", Beavis.

#213) Friday, May 12, 2006

• What's with all the bad apostrophes today?


• If you were referring poetically to agricultural implements you can fudge most of them, but there's no excuse for The Kathys.


• You didn't finish the second ALT text.


• You're just messing with me, aren't you?


• Your IMG/LI tag problems are a result of shabby webdesign, and no excuse. :P


• My, but there's something satisfying about a good list.

#214) Friday, May 12, 2006
Oh, the irony of having my comment fucked up by IMG/LI clashing. Which is still your shabby web design, by the way. :P

#215) Friday, May 12, 2006
Australia has some awesome native cockroaches.

I really need to get out of the habit of these multiple comments.

#216) Friday, May 12, 2006
O RLY?

Doesn't the Muffin Man live on Dr.Uri Lane?

#217) Friday, May 12, 2006
You really added to the discourse there, too, Phil. :P

#218) Friday, May 12, 2006
Oddly enough, I find the dirty hand more offputting than the cockroach. But maybe that's just cause I've never been anywhere with cockroaches.

#219) Monday, May 15, 2006
The members of my household, including myself, would like to cast our three (3) votes in favour of your proposal to "wear spandex and slowly rise out of a bathtub filled with ice cubes". Beats those damn cat videos any day of the week!

#220) Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Eh. All of that is too much trouble. Why fuss about cooling down some of the broth to room temperature? Just mix the cornstarch in a little bit of cold water, and then add it to the soup. It's the heat that makes it clump up.

I second the motion for Won Ton soup.

Sensible people eat their corn off the cob, and not from cans. This avoids such mixups as getting foul creamed corn (or indeed, foul canned corn).

#221) Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Rob: Sorry, I misread. Slurry is such a great word, I couldn't read straight for the rest of your comment.

#222) Wednesday, May 17, 2006
WARNING: CONTAINS MODERATE WEST WING SPOILER

You are wrong. *I* find 7th Heaven offensive. :P

The first four seasons of The West Wing were really good. The first two in particular, but the next two weren't far behind. It jumped the shark when Zoe got kidnapped, which coincided with the creater and one of the main producers leaving. I'm glad they're putting it out of its misery now.

I could be wrong, but I don't think you'd regret getting the first season of The West Wing on DVD.

"All three main characters die, but come back to life, played by three different actresses". This is forgivable though, know why? That's right, Alyssa Milano.

But if they all got replaced, wouldn't that mean she wasn't in the show any more? Which one is Alyssa Milano anyway? None of them are particularly attractive. The old cast OR the new.

Malcolm in the Middle has its moments, but it's inconsistent. Also, I don't think the concept really managed to stretch to so many seasons. Even though I think I've only seen episodes from three or so. Because it's live action, they have budgetary constraints that stop them doing what The Simpsons could do to keep things fresh. The Simpsons is well past its prime too of course.

#223) Thursday, May 18, 2006
Sonic > Mario

I like to pretend I'm a giant. Only, it's not really pretending.

#224) Monday, May 22, 2006
They load people onto stretchers regardless of whether they are dead. Sheet position is all.

I am still giggling at "Amen".

I am slightly disappointed to discover the categories weren't Uri-picked for maximum freshness. I suppose it stops me complaining about the lame ones, though.

You do realise that standing on your head is what made you short?

#225) Wednesday, May 24, 2006
I like a nice gay message written on my breakfast. ^_^

#226) Tuesday, May 23, 2006
^ I'd bet highest, after all that anaesthetic. ;)

#227) Thursday, May 25, 2006
^ That's the sort of talk a gal likes to hear.

Substitute teachers must be some kind of US phenomenon. I hardly ever had them during my school years.

#228) Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Nobody I've ever had sex with has ever smoked afterwards. Then again, my crowd is not the brothel crowd.

Why do you need stores within twenty miles? Let your minions worry about such mundanities as the shopping.

#229) Thursday, June 01, 2006
I have no memory of summer. The mind-buggering cold of winter leaves me unable to recall anything but how awesome it was to be warm, once. Tomorrow is scheduled to be 57? by your dodgy F-word.

All my summer memories are gone, except that time I spent on a balcony with a couple of bottomless cosmipolitans. Yes Brian, it was risque.

Your spelling leaves much to be desired. Like warmth. I desire warmth! Argh. And only June. It's the START. :(

#230) Thursday, June 08, 2006
Mom's commentpic is from a famous painting. I forget what it's called, though. Or who it was by. I never like it myself.

Wait, hold that! I remembered. It's called (colloquially) Whistler's Mother. And now that recollection enables googling and linkies and suchlike.

Ahoy:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whistlers_Mother

She doesn't look much like Windows 2000 to me. I guess you'd call that artistic license.

#231) Thursday, June 08, 2006
Oh, bugger, forgot to linkify that. You lazy sods can copy and paste the link instead.

Bonus points to anyone who gets the geek joke at the end. :P

#232) Wednesday, June 07, 2006
I didn't read it until now. I've already told Brian all my cool dream stories though, so I'm not going to comment either.

#233) Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Which one is Booty? I think the tortoiseshell one is prettiest.

Congrats on kicking Java ass. Who needs that GUI shit anyway? Rock the CLI old school. Word.

Nudism takes all the fun out of nudity. I like that nudity is a special thing. I don't want it to be commonplace. Obscenity laws are ridiculous (topfree equality!), but personally I'll be sticking to clothes most of the time. Plus it's too bloody COLD in winter.

#234) Monday, June 05, 2006
I forget: do you have Gran Turismo yet? Best Cardigans album ever I've heard.

#235) Friday, June 02, 2006
I know someone who had sex with Amy Acker. True story!

#236) Friday, June 09, 2006
Ajax. Nothing says programming cred like an ancient Greek warrior.

#237) Thursday, June 08, 2006
^ What about a nice bit of Carravaggio? Or one of the good Rembrants?

#238) Wednesday, June 07, 2006
No, I only brought enough for myself. But everyone can have a mintie.

#239) Monday, June 05, 2006
Oh, by the way, isn't the cover for First Band on the Moon the most low-fi piece of dodgy publishing you've ever seen? I wondered if I was buying a pirated copy.

#240) Friday, June 02, 2006
^ Hee.

#241) Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Based on these photos, I'm going to assume you spend the day nude. No evidence to the contrary!

And yet, we get no skin. How disappointing.

#4 is a really lovely photo. You artistic god you.

I don't want to alarm you, but based on pic #11, I think your house is falling over. Or is it just constructed at a jaunty angle? Pisa did it first, and did it better.

#242) Tuesday, June 13, 2006
The "eating oatmeal" entry on Rob's blog looks like a sword wielding pirate stealing the fish off the end of someone's fishing line, to me.

#243) Friday, June 30, 2006
Chicken with bones is 100% finger food.

p.s. Hi Anna! Not dead yet! <3

#244) Friday, September 22, 2006
I am so tempted to read those books now. But wow, shitty covers. :P

Still not tempted by Lost or Alias.

(Now if that's not a triumphant return, I don't know what is.)

#245) Thursday, September 21, 2006
It really annoys me the way the social aspect of schooling is largely ignored by parents, lawmakers, and suchlike.

The #1 argument for single-sex schools?aside from the often veiled, and entirely ridiculous belief that it will somehow magically prevent teenagers finding out about sex?is that they produce better academic results (which is true, but not overwhelmingly so). The fact that this comes at a much greater social cost is hardly ever taken into account, it seems. :/

#246) Tuesday, September 19, 2006
A belated YARRRRRR! is in order, I think. :)

Also, dammit, will somebody PLEASE explain to Americans (and anyone else perpetrating this linguistic atrocity) that Lego is a non-count noun. Just like "pasta" or "water". Pluralizing it makes no sense.

If you want to count individual items made from the substance Lego, you need to actually say what they are.

Repeat after me, class:

This is my LEGO
This is some LEGO
1 Lego BRICK
2 Lego BRICKS
1 Lego PIRATE SHIP
2 Lego PIRATE SHIPS

(its not a proper Return Of The Rachel without a rant in this style)

#247) Monday, September 18, 2006
I'm your girl for lyrics! ^_^

#248) Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Can't. Can't can't cant can't cant!

I play with LEGO, bitch. :P

#249) Monday, September 25, 2006
There's so little continuity between the people in your class each year. That must have sucked.

You look like real terror in the 85-86 photo. ^_^

Do you remember your teachers from back then?

#250) Tuesday, October 03, 2006
We had a version of Double Dare in Australia too. Best game show ever. :D