Posts tagged as random
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- Friday, March 15, 2013:
Fix-it Friday quick fixes for the world's overrated problems The Problem : US hospitals report an alarming increase in superbugs, which are highly resistant or even immune to antibiotics. After the tipping point, it may become more dangerous to check into a hospital than it would be to stay home with some Robitussin. The Solution : Rezone and colocate hospitals onto shared campuses with Chuck E. Cheese restaurants. The Justification : The mucous-like layer of food coating every surface of the restaurant will prove irresistible to superbugs currently residing in the sterile halls of a hospital. Once enticed, superbugs will be overwhelmed by the... - Friday, March 01, 2013:
Vocabulary Friday Images from our most recent bouts of Scrabble. - Tuesday, February 26, 2013:
Weird Habit Day Last year, I revealed that the "Carnival of Venice" starts playing in my head without fail every night before I go to bed, not unlike an accelerated performance schedule of the Legwarmers at the State Theater. However, it's not the only one. Another such song that pops into my head without hesitation is a pep band song I wrote in 1997 called "Giblets". I've never even actually heard this song performed by a band that wasn't brought to you by the Roland Sound Canvas, so I don't know how it has such lasting power. When I'm running around a track and my mind starts to wander, inevitably "Little Boy Sweet" from the movie Vacation will creep into my brain. I wat... - Friday, January 18, 2013:
The Problem With Amazon's Movie Player - Monday, October 15, 2012:
Random Cartoon Day Following the conclusion of LOST , Harold Perrineau was fortunate to find continued acting work as the spokesman for a drill company. - Friday, September 21, 2012:
BU's Theorem of Pandora After creating a fresh, new Pandora station, no matter how eclectic your tastes might be, attempting to tailor the station's music with Thumbs Up and Thumbs Down choices will ultimately crash-land the station into one of three end-states: - Monday, September 10, 2012:
"Make Your Own Fun" Day If you happen to be bored one afternoon, update any public online profiles (like Facebook or LinkedIn) with exuberant, yet mildly believable lies. Online profiles are the most likely way that print media will get background information about you, should you die, win an election, or get involved in a scandal. Exploit the laziness of their fact-checking pursuits and become whatever you want to become. Here is an example: Mike (of Mike and Chompy) was indicted today on twelve counts of coupon fraud. According to his LinkedIn profile, Mike is an award-winning ballerina with the Imperial Russian Ballet Company, having performed The Nutcracker on every continent of the world (excep... - Friday, June 22, 2012:
Warning Day What do these images on my Dell toner cartridge warn you about? To me, they say " Do not use toner to print scary masks, as startled people may have heart attacks. " and " Do not allow your baby to become a beekeeper. " Also today is the birthay of a Brian, a Brianne, and a Brian's wife (all different people, I assure you). Happy Birthday to all! - Friday, June 08, 2012:
Road Day: Fairfax County Parkway The Fairfax County Parkway has officially been given a new route number, 286 rather than 7100, as evidenced by the elephant-sized signs splashed along the median. I supposed that the signs aren't that big when compared to campaign signs, and you might be forgiven if you merely thought that 2867100 was running for office somewhere in Fairfax County and he assumed you were nearly blind. Although the signs themselves are a huge waste, I'm definitely onboard with the change, for laziness reasons. It is impossible to refer to the road with its current name or old number in less than six syllables in a way that people will recognize appropriately. Calling it "the parkway" might work for people ... - Thursday, February 16, 2012:
Vocabulary Thursday Images from our most recent games of Scrabble. We are not proficient at getting seven-letter words. - Wednesday, November 16, 2011:
Quick Tips Day With the modern American's schedule packed tighter than a boneless sardine run through a FoodSaver, the savvy time manager needs to know when the warning labels on products truly point to dangerous situations and when they're just tacked on to avoid frivolous lawsuits. Here are a couple tips to help maximize your productivity. Tip #1: Preempt common cold conditions with a squirt of lotion That first morning you wake up with an unusually dry throat can be filled with dread, as you realize that a full-fledged cold is only hours away. No one has time for humidifiers and an endless swarm of cherry lozenges, but it is a little-known secret that Lubriderm is perfect for combating a dry throat (the throa... - Friday, November 11, 2011:
One Day Because the general populace of the Internet seems to have powerful private pants parties whenever the date can be written with just one digit, here is a preemptive post for your satisfaction, containing more ones than the diatribe of an Internet troll who can't find the Shift key: 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 Personally, I'm looking forward to 22/22/22 with much more enthusiasm, but causing th... - Friday, October 14, 2011:
Vocabulary Friday I'm up to my preferred height in preparing briefings this week, so I did not have time to write a Fragments column last night. Here is a recent game of Scrabble instead. Stop, Or I'll Tweet! Cops Struggle With Social Media Sex forum canceled for lack of interest Marathon man undone by bus trip - Tuesday, August 23, 2011:
Answers Day "What is Pei Wei? Also how do you say that?" - Anna Pei Wei is an Asian fusion (fasion) restaurant that serves noodley types of Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Thai, and Vietnamese food. It's mostly lame, because they put metal tip trees on each table with a hanging sample dollar in case you don't get the idea. There's nothing wrong with tipping in general, but you order the food cafeteria-style in this place -- the server brings your food out, walking maybe 10 feet, and then you never see them again. There are plenty of people I would like to tip if I never had to see them again, but none of them work at Pay Way. "And while you're answering questions, what is bacon beer?" - Mom ... - Thursday, August 18, 2011:
Weird Habit Day I have a multitasker's brain. Like a red-yellow-white component cable (or green-blue-red if your brain is slightly classier but still outdated), my brain is split into different channels for sights, sounds, and thoughts. It starts to chafe if any particular channel isn't being used, which is why I MUST play music while I work, and regularly work on the computer while watching a TV show. When my brain isn't operating at full saturation, the unused channels reflexively fill up with noise. For example, in the grey area between waking and sleeping at night, the trumpet arrangement of The Carnival of Venice loops in my head. It's not even an interesting Hunsberger orchestration, but the repetitive Arban theme and... - Thursday, July 28, 2011:
Math Day Conversions are tricky . - Friday, June 10, 2011:
Friday This is the two thousand, four hundred sixty-seventh news update on the URI! Zone. Just looking at that number makes me tired so I'm not going to put any thought into today's post. What are your plans for the weekend? Are you hot (thermally or genetically)? If I just started reposting news updates from 2001 would you notice? When is your next kid due? Can I name my firstborn daughter "Lazy Susan"? Are you a good or bad programmer if you think globally but act locally? Is there a better swearphrase than "Shitbird on Tuesday"? Is leaving the price sticker on your new car's window supposed to make us envy you? Why do people still smoke? Why aren't there any good board games designed for two players, instead of four-player board games pla... - Tuesday, May 10, 2011:
Other Corners Day Many pictures of my home have ended up posted here, but they all seem to be taken from the same angles. Here are four random views of corners you might not have seen before. This is the surreal corner of my home office. The iron is here, because the laundry room is cold and dusted with kitty litter. I bought the eye chart on Amazon for $7, and use it to refocus my eyes every few hours while working on the computer. This is the wedding wall in the guest bedroom, containing trinkets from every wedding I've ever attended. There are pictures on the bed because we've been meaning to hang them up but haven't quite gotten around to it yet. ... - Wednesday, May 04, 2011:
Osama Analogy (Osamanalogy) Day reaping the benefits of Google search trends while the reaping is good The news that Osama bin Laden was finally killed in a military raid in Pakistan is not unlike the series finale to LOST -- more punchline than epic wrap-up, it lends itself to a brief, satisfied moment of closure before gnawing doubts creep in to highlight the lingering unresolved questions and sense of futility and waste surrounding the entire venture. In the beginning , a compelling case for action unifies everyone with a fervor to see things through to the end. People are energized and sharing their thoughts around the watercooler constantly. Around Season Three , plot holes start ... - Wednesday, February 23, 2011:
Vocabulary Wednesday I lost the game on the right because I tried to be too clever, and ended up with a V and a Z. Indian man has 39 wives, nearly 100 children Australian city to expel 22,000 bats from downtown gardens Road toads bode ill in heavy traffic load - Wednesday, December 01, 2010:
Vocabulary Wednesday A few snapshots of our recent Scrabble games, in which Booty finally makes an appearance. Anytime you see an incredibly low-scoring word on a Triple Word Score, it signifies my attempts to defensively use up the spot (generally to no long-term avail). Talking cats play Paddycake New York man jumps to save subway rider - and get to work Foie gras burger blurs fast food and fine dining - Friday, October 22, 2010:
Sleuth Day Answers Here are the answers to my Sleuth Day challenge. Why is there a crescent-shaped space in my goatee where hairs will not grow? In seventh grade, I was running through the bleachers during gym class and somehow managed to fall on my chin. I was completely uninjured with the exception of a chin gash that bled profusely but didn't hurt at all. I know I've written about this here before, but I can't seem to find the entry. I really need to implement AND/OR searches for this website. How did I first get involved in computer programming? After playing Zork I in the first grade, I started writing my own computer games. However, since I knew not... - Wednesday, October 20, 2010:
Sleuth Day Use your honed skills of stalking, searching, and perspicacity to answer four questions about me. Why is there a crescent-shaped space in my goatee where hairs will not grow? How did I first get involved in computer programming? How did a movement from Sibelius' fifth symphony end up in our wedding? Other than Muse, what is the only other mainstream rock concert I have attended? Post your best Sherlockian ideas, serious and otherwise, in the comments section. Answers will be revealed on Friday. In other news, October 20 ties with April 27 for most birthdays of people I know. Happy Birthday! ... - Thursday, September 23, 2010:
Ghost Day Early this morning, at 12:11 AM, I was visited by the pitter-patter of ghost raccoons on my roof. It sounded as if each one of the roofing shingles had transmogrified into a scampery mammal (a scammal), raced up and down the length of the roof, and then on cue, ran to the corner of the house over our bed and rolled off of the drainpipe in waves. The duration of the event was two to three minutes, so I was solidly awake by the end. This would be creepy and something of an anomaly (not unlike reading ten Amazon reviews and not finding a single one complaining about the shipping rather than the product) if it had not ALSO happened five years ago in an identical manner. Why would ghost scammals ... - Friday, September 10, 2010:
Sleuth Day Answers Here are the answers to my Sleuth Day challenge. Why are there two toothbrushes in the cup? Whenever I go on a trip, I either used to forget my toothbrush at home, or I'd put it in my travel bag too early and have to get it out to brush the last few times before I left. With two toothbrushes, I can pack one and still have one out. Why are there small gouges in the wall on the right? After I put toothpaste on the brush and start brushing, I toss the toothpaste next to the sink. Sometimes, the ridge in the cap chips a dent in the paint. What kind of toothpaste do I use? Colgate Wh... - Tuesday, September 07, 2010:
Sleuth Day Use your honed skills of deduction, induction, and convection to answer four questions about this picture from my bathroom. Why are there two toothbrushes in the cup? Why are there small gouges in the wall on the right? What kind of toothpaste do I use? Why do I use this kind of toothpaste? Post your best Sherlockian ideas, serious and otherwise, in the comments section. Answers will be revealed on Friday. Scientists solve the mystery of the floating octopus Dover student sues over heart-stopping shock Mushroom hunter "massacre" cl... - Friday, August 27, 2010:
Vocabulary Friday A few snapshots of our recent two-player games of Scrabble. Thankfully, for the meta-game where you invent a story with the words on the board, BONED and VULVA were in different games. I like the cut of your jib. It should also be noted that VULVA was one U away from being VUVUZELA. Passengers shocked by new touchy-feely TSA screening Bifocaled Bug Baffles Biologists The sedentary die young - Monday, August 23, 2010:
Great Idea Day a bailing bucket for my constantly overflowing cesspool of ways to optimize society It occurred to me while driving out to Anna's on Saturday night that there's an underutilized segment of property in Virginia's arsenal -- the noble rest stop. Constantly under the threat of budget cuts and men with bad aim, the Virginia rest stop gets a nice little chunk of money for upkeep, but then only gets used by dirty foreigners from Maryland on their way to North Carolinan NASCAR events. The obvious solution, then, is for more Virginians to use rest stops as picnic venues. Why pay a ridiculous sum to rent out a wasp-infested pavilion and Port-o-Potty at your local city park when the inviting fresh c... - Thursday, June 17, 2010:
Untitled Post Oh, the things it must have seen on its trip around town! Squatters cozy up in mansion BP Hires Mercs to Block Oily Beaches Penis protest rises to greet Russian economic forum - Wednesday, April 14, 2010:
Progress Day It only took a year for the Department of Defense to mea culpa their stance on online music. Carlsberg workers strike over drinking policy Drug test-cheating fake penis maker sentenced New lizard does not require fake penis - Friday, December 18, 2009:
Haiku Day It is 2 A.M. I am still in the office. No Fragments today. Did music kill British teen? 'Dad dancing' may be the result of evolution Mom sniffs out son's stink bomb plot - Tuesday, November 24, 2009:
Audience Participation Day: Shameless Plugs For today's post, I would like you to recommend some fun or favourite sites that other readers might get a kick out of visiting. Have a personal blog that needs more traffic, or a funny mini-post site that you load up every day? Share it in the Comments section! Conversely, if you don't know of any good sites, but have an idea of a site that you would visit, if only someone would create it, share that too! Perhaps Sam E. and Mike (of Mike and Chompy) can then be egged on into competing over creating the best version of your idea for our amusement. (If you don't know how to make a link in HTML, I'll gladly reformat your comment, so feel free to post it however you know best). &nb... - Tuesday, March 24, 2009:
Stuff in My Drawers Day I wrote the following story for the city-wide Reflections contest in 1995. The theme and tagline of this contest was "Just Open Your Eyes...", but I doubt they expected it to be treated in a snarky manner. In spite of this, I got second place and got to shake the hand of one of our esteemed City Councilmen. The Ant Deep in the savannah, there lived an ant. Now this was not your everyday ant. He resided in a cairn of pebbles at the base of a plant. Since he lived in the savannah, he had seen many wild and majestic beasts. But one day he told me that he'd never seen an elephant. So after tidying up his home, he packed his bags and left his plant in search of an elephant.... - Friday, March 06, 2009:
Busy at Work Day Haikus from the Ninth Grade In the evening sun, the little green lizard basks, on a garden wall. A river so still Images like a mirror Someone throws a rock. The ants always work Toiling all day and night. Don't they ever sleep? Llama is a beast. A llama has no llandllord. Llamas llike the lleaves. My grandfather clock makes a steady ticking. My grandfather does not. Life of a Kleenex is actually quite short. From tree to the trash. A chair is to sit. A carpet is to stand on. But where do you squ... - Wednesday, March 04, 2009:
Busy at Work Day A haiku for you: This is not really a haiku But I bet you will Count the syllables anyhow. Nokia phone still works after a week in a fish Building frustration explodes into sex shop Prank call leads to chemicals and urination - Wednesday, January 07, 2009:
Stuff in My Drawers Day: Letters of Recommendation When I was at Florida State pretending to know something about music composition, I had a top secret source who worked in the music office and lived with Chompy pilfer the secret letters of recommendation from my permanent file. It's interesting that one of the most impressive skills on my resumé at the time was that I could use Finale to notate music -- so the tunes may have sounded like rats walking through peanut butter, but they looked really pretty. This is similar to my grad school experience, which can be boiled down to the fact that I was the guy who popularized the Technical font . I remember the time I gave a pedagogical presentation on enharmonic modulation, after which Dr. ... - Monday, October 20, 2008:
Apple Bacon Day Sometime in the past decade, I became mildly allergic to raw apples. A few minutes after biting into an apple, my lip will swell up and my throat will constrict to the point where it feels like something is perpetually stuck down there. The same thing happens when I eat raw watermelon, which has tragically forced me to get my daily fruit intake from Jolly Ranchers to prevent any need for hospitalization. This food allergy really doesn't bother me as much as something like a cheese allergy, because apples are just a "sometimes" food for me, and red apples are stupid (everyone knows that Golden Delicious are the only kind of apple worth eating). It does make it Morissettely ironic that I decided to go to the G... - Friday, October 03, 2008:
Friday Failures ♠ Unnecessary Use of "Scream" at Halloween : The fact that Halloween is approaching doesn't mean you can put "scream" into any phrase and make it topical. The ABC network becomes AB-Scream! for a month, which doesn't even make sense. Busch Gardens hosts Howloscream! which seems redundant to me. (Do something about that, Philip). I suppose it's better than the half-assed Hallowscream that most other venues host. ♠ Joe Biden : Despite his obvious knowledge of the issues and confidence in his answers, he sighed loudly into the microphone on multiple occasions, which means we'll have to listen to conservative pundits nitpick this for the next four weeks as an example... - Thursday, September 11, 2008:
Resumé Day You've never truly had to artifically inflate your curriculum vitae until you have to write one for the Personal Management Merit Badge in Seventh Grade. It's good to know that I learned all about "different levels of life" in Life Science (cellular vs. society, not Kshatriyas vs. Dalits). Without tooting my own horn, I can honestly say that I was an expert on rear entry safety, and the school administrators felt good knowing that I was on rear duty. I was also an expert at "neatening". As for the shocking secret that I was on the AV Club, I WAS the AV club. Whenever a teacher needed a film projector, I would be the one to get out of class and roll it down the hall. Notice th... - Wednesday, September 10, 2008:
Shredding Day Yesterday was Shredding Day in the BU Household, although there was no Guitar Hero involved since I'm intrinsically horrible at that game. When I attempt to translate the 100% abstract shapes flying at my face into simple motor skills, I feel like I'm playing a live action version of Frogger while dosed up on a Quil Bomb (a half pint of Nyquil with a shot of Dayquil), slipping further and further behind until I finally force the song to end prematurely because mediocrity is no longer an acceptable level of video game skill. Shredding Day in my vernacular is the day I drag the three foot high paper shredder out of the closet and commence the complete obliteration of a single year's worth of receipts, bills, a... - Monday, August 25, 2008:
Bad Joke Day While organizing my document archive (and wondering if I'm the only person in the universe to have a document archive), I came across a collection of original jokes that Rebecca and I invented last year. It was obviously intended to be the germ for a childrens' joke book that would make us rich and famous and able to retire at 29, but hasn't seen any new jokes added in at least nine months. Highlight the space below each question to see the horrible inanity that follows. Q: Why did the space alien eat the comet instead of the astronaut? A: It was meteor. Q: What do Chinese worms eat for dinner? A: Turf fry! Q: What kind of sound do baby frogs mak... - Wednesday, February 06, 2008:
Pointless Vignette Day A couple weeks ago, I was at Costco doing my normal Saturday morning shopping for the sundry essentials, like Guinness, corned beef, and forty-pound crates of kitty litter. (The fact that two separate Pointless Vignettes have now taken place at Costco is an unintentional coincidence, but serves to highlight the fact that Costco is an interesting place where all sorts of magical events occur). When leaving, I drove around the back of the store -- trying to cross the main thoroughfare takes forever since you have to wait for all the frail, retired Floridans sisyphusing their five hundred pound pallets of fake bottled spring water across the street, hoping to gain enough momentum to clear the curb on the opposite side. &n... - Wednesday, January 09, 2008:
Tensday Wednesday a column that can only be described as "in tens!" 1) In Saturday's $10 poker game, Jaood became a first-time winner. He's played poker at my house since the very first game in April 2004 (when none of the windows had curtains yet), and it's taken him this long to break away from the pack. Congratulations! 2) Ten people who graduated from high school with me that I never kept in touch with, and then found again on Facebook: Chris Detrow, Rangena Hotaki, Geoffrey King, Matt Koerner, Deborah Lipnick, Matt McGuire, Ben Seggerson, Steve Seltz, Ely Soto, and Mike Stafford. 3) In mathematics, ten is a semi-meandric number. This means that it will occasiona... - Monday, December 03, 2007:
Ethnic Day A little over six months ago I was in the local Lowe's, purchasing up some parts to construct the set for my movie, Brian Uri! and the Amazingly Blue Bathroom . When I arrived at the counter, basket in hand, the cashier immediately began speaking in Spanish, an extended unintelligible string of colloquial banter with nary a taco or cucharacha to clue me in. I must have looked confused, but the cashier tried yet another string before pausing and asking a single word question that I COULD understand: " Espanol? " I quickly shook my head -- a universal sign of negativity (void in Bulgaria) and the cashier looked embarassed. "Sorry, you looked like you spoke Spanish.... - Wednesday, November 21, 2007:
Doobie Day Word on the street states that Doobie got married in Tuscon a week and a half ago. The actual sequence of events involved Paige wanting to know what Jason Chrisley was up to these days, after which we visited his Facebook page and noticed a message from Shac. Since I don't have any pictures of Doobie's wife (or husband) and tubas don't come on gift registries, I'll cheaply devote today's web update to Doobie, the music/math major from Richmond, VA. While at Virginia Tech, Doobie was a member of the Blue Ribbon Brass quintet. Blue Ribbon is a beer. He also played tuba on my fifth-year recital, but only had one solo. Hear Doobie play the tuba (290KB MP3) Doobie was also a foundi... - Thursday, November 08, 2007:
Golden Arches Day On Tuesday evening, I drove two blocks over to the shopping center which is the star of Sterling, its centerpiece being a masterfully architected Big Lots, where all the signs are in Spanish and all the wares are under ten dollars. My aim that evening was to have a meal from Kentucky Fried Chicken, strictly to do research for yesterday's question and answer session. (I take my web updates seriously, as evinced by this post and would never think to do an in-depth comparison of fried chicken without trying all the available options). While driving away with two-piece meal in hand, I passed the McDonald's. Rather, I passed a massive crater in the earth where McDonald's used to be -- the fault of constru... - Wednesday, October 10, 2007:
Pointless Vignette Day The intersection of Church Road and Sugarland Run is a nondescript residential intersection whose most exciting feature is a four-way Stop sign. On the road running from lower left to upper right in the picture, there are small concrete medians between lanes intended to help drunk drivers and the British to stay in their proper lanes. That, at least, was the theory behind installing them, but not a month would go by without some left-turner blowing out a tire or crushing the concrete edges of the median. The next step was to add a universally-understood sign to each island (which either means "Stay to the right of the median" or "lean right to avoid codpiece"). This failed as well, probably because no one knows ... - Wednesday, August 08, 2007:
Street Names Day After a hiatus of approximately nine years, I started biking again, taking evening jaunts around my sidewalkless neighbourhood after the temperature and the traffic have cooled off. With each trip, I'm rediscovering why biking is so much better than the other exercises I might deign to stoop to (and muscles I'd forgotten existed). Biking is better than running, because when you run somewhere, you generally have to run back (unless you have inadvertently circumnavigated the globe). Stopping while running doesn't get you any closer to your goal, but you can coast occasionally on a bike. Stationary biking is nice because after you've biked a mile, you get up and you're still in your living room, eliminating the need for ... - Monday, May 21, 2007:
Sequel Injection This summer, the theatres have been, or will be, graced with such works of art as Spider-Man 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Harry Potter 5, Shrek 3, The Bourne Ultimatum, and (I'm not kidding about this one) "Live Free or Die Hard" starring a 52-year-old Bruce Willis. Just last week, Blizzard Entertainment announced that their new blockbuster game would be Starcraft II -- not Diablo 3 as some people expected (or Warcraft IV or World of Warcraft II for that matter). There's something very comforting about a sequel: people are happy that they can return to a world or story that they loved without too much heavy thinking, and studios are assured that they can break even on their investment, even if the entire movie is a ... - Wednesday, May 02, 2007:
A Million Little Pieces Day In October of 2003, I purchased the game, Halo , for the PC and was more amused by its Russian-doll packaging than the actual game (which might have been the most boring single-player first-person-shooter since Duck Hunt, no matter what Doobie says). The box was roughly the size of an young armadillo and forced you to tear through multiple layers of shrink wrap and smaller boxes to reach a tiny jewel case containing the single CD needed to play the game. P.S. Booty was such a fat ass in 2003. The only reason I was reminded of this game is that I received a wedding invitation for the Jack & Kristy wedding by post. Although the matrimonial avalanche ended a couple years ago, I still receive a few snowball... - Thursday, March 15, 2007:
Recall Day My memory is very strangely configured, much like every room on Trading Spaces after those crazy designers get through with their green denim wallpaper. My short-term memory is pretty weak unless I write things down, which is usually why it takes so long for me to finally remember to run important errands. As mentioned in bullet #42 of my 222 Things About Me , I have a keyed long-term memory: Very few of my memories are easily-accessed and near the surface -- it takes a triggering event for me to remember the details of that event, but then the floodgates open and I remember everything about it, even the embarassing things that other people would prefer be forgotten. For exam... - Thursday, February 15, 2007:
Snow Day Similar to the way the Chicago River is dyed green every St. Patrick's Day, The Weather Channel pulled some meteorological strings to paint the D.C. metropolitan area a pasty shade of pink for Valentine's Day. It's a pretty good marketing ploy, and I predict that it won't be long until we see the Pepto-Bismol company become the permanent corporate sponsor for the holiday. They must have underestimated the amount of pink dye it would take to coat the entire area, because it was all white by the time it reached my house (then again, everything is whiter in Loudoun County, the county with the fastest growing yuppy population in northern Virginia, and soon the entire world). When I got up this morning, I was greeted with ... - Monday, February 12, 2007:
A Waste of Money The noble Rip-Off: life's way of teaching you the value of your money, or reminding you that you have far too much disposable income. We've all made purchases in our lifetime that we immediately regretted, usually because they didn't live up to the hype and expense. Other times it's just impatience -- you knew there was a water fountain at the end of the ride, but you went and bought that eight dollar Dixie cup of Dr. Thunder in Disney World anyhow. I remember being a kid at Christmas, hyped up for the latest super toy only to find out that it pretty much sucked. The mentality of a kid at that point of realization has two stages: first comes intense disappointment, followed by a stubborn determination to continue playing wi... - Thursday, February 08, 2007:
Synopsis Day When we last left the show, Locke was talking to Hurley on the cliffside, trying to convince him that Claire's baby was neither delicious or nutritious, and that the island was merely making him see a crispy chicken sandwich. Last night's episode picked up right where we left off, with Locke failing to calm down an increasingly unstable Hurley. Out of ideas, Locke removes a tub of Dharma Initiative ranch dressing and makes a trade. Hurley collapses to his knees in tears and then proceeds to down the entire tub of ranch dressing, only to discover a prize in the bottom -- a Dharma Initiative decoder ring made up of concentric rotating circles with the Numbers. Meanwhile on the other side of the is... - Wednesday, January 31, 2007:
Ambition Day I have no ambitions. With that concise statement, I just dropped off the dating radars of millions of single women whose profiles reveal that they're looking for smart, funny, confident guys with long-term goals and ambitions. That's no big loss though, because those same profiles probably continue with a variant on the phrase "someone who loves to go out and party but can also just stay home on the couch and watch a movie". I actually tried this, and quickly deduced that it's physically impossible to do both at the same time without bringing the couch with you, and Bungalow Billiards frowns on B.Y.O.C. even more than the movie theatre frowns on smuggled foodstuffs. Therefore, all those women are dreaming the Impossib... - Wednesday, January 24, 2007:
Filterless Kills Faster Our office has had a Web Filter installed for a few months now, ostensibly to protect the network from an influx of spyware and adware. I would argue that opening an attachment from Big Jim Gilgamesh labeled RESPECT_MY_PENAL_CODE.scr raises questions about your credentials for working at a tech company, but I guess they've taken the $10,000 strategy of "better safe than sorry". Part of the Web Filter's spyware protection comes from its content filter, which blocks sites that are known to be launchpads for viruses, scams, and miniature spy cameras in BLINK tags. This works well in theory, but doesn't quite pan out in practice. As I reported before, I can no longer read Dooce at work because the filte... - Tuesday, November 28, 2006:
Stop the Brasses Raiders of the Lost Ark falls squarely into the camp of "late-70s movies that are now too annoying to watch". This subset of movies is often characterized by trying to be more epic than they really are, midday showings on TBS or AMC, handguns that sound like cannons, bad grainy Technicolor with earth tones, or random appearances of a young Robert Redford. A few years and sensibilities later, it would have squeaked into the "goofy 80s movie that's loveable because it's so 80s", but it's held back by the teeming masses of random foreign plotless extras, a heroine that can't act, and strings of scenes that don't really make much sense when put together. The most saliently annoying feature though is the John Williams sou... - Wednesday, November 22, 2006:
Dead Day ...and by the time I'd taken out the garbage and mailed a couple of letters, it was four-ten, time to go back to the job search. I paused. Four-ten was almost four-fifteen, which was just a quarter hour before four-thirty. Most people are winding down their day by then -- some even knock off half an hour early, especially those important enough to be responsible for hiring new guys. In other words, not only would I be wasting my time in applying for anything now, but I'd actually be hurting my chances by pestering people so late. -- Losing Joe's Place , Gordon Korman Sometimes the day before a holiday is even better than the holiday itself. In the work world, everyone is highly aware that the ho... - Thursday, November 16, 2006:
Super BU If you were involved in a macabre industrial accident involving a smuggled load of uranium isotopes in a U-Haul and a tanker truck full of Tequiza, and you woke up the next morning with an incredible superhero power, what would it be? How would it be kryptonitically tempered to be just mildly outrageous instead of shamaistically imbalanced? I wouldn't want the usual choices of flying or superhuman strength -- though fun, they seem somewhat useless in daily life, and I bet the novelty would wear off pretty quickly. Instead, I would have the ability to stop time for everyone and everything around me. Walking down the street and someone happens to throw a baby off a balcony? No sweat -- just stop time when the baby's nea... - Wednesday, November 15, 2006:
The Hospitality Rider Some people might say that the greatest perk of being a celebrity must be the money, the fame, or the endless parade of groupies. In my opinion, the best part is probably the backstage contract -- the one that stays exactly what must and must not be present in the celebrity dressing room, no matter how ridiculous or hard-to-get the goods are. Were I a bona fide celebrity (and not just one in my mind) I would milk the hospitality rider for maximum entertainment value (after which I would take all the money and open an alligator petting zoo in South Florida). This topic comes to mind after seeing the contract for Kevin Federline . If he can get 6 one-liter bottles of water that's not Evian by having no... - Tuesday, November 07, 2006:
Electrocution Day Electrocution Day was formalized by the U.S. Congress in 1845, allowing Zachary Taylor the honour of being the first electrocuted President, joining the ranks of infamy with William Kemmler and Martha Place. In their capacity as a governing body, Congress decreed it to be the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November, eliminating an older (and slightly more confusing) system which pegged it as the first Tuesday before the tenth Wednesday after Labor Day, except during Leap Years when it was the eighteenth Tuesday after the first Monday following Independence Day. The term, electrocution, is often misused. Many people equate electrocution with any electric shock, no matter how mild, but it actually only applies ... - Thursday, November 02, 2006:
Sitcom or Serial? Your average television sitcom is all about concise resolution. Through the course of the hour or half-hour, a conflict is introduced and neatly resolved, just in time to regain equilibrium before the credits roll. The players in the sitcom are generally timeless, and large plot changes are rare, only occurring to provide new situations in which to tell the same story. Because of this, viewers can jump in on any particular show without worrying too much about what came before or how many episodes they missed. There's a certain comfort level in knowing that there are no loose ends or drastically altered perceptions. In contrast, the serial is all about the continuing plot. The whole point of watching a serial is to for... - Thursday, October 19, 2006:
Collage Cheese This is the only collage I ever made as a budding teen artist, and it was made completely under duress. Stemming, perhaps, from the fact that I am far too right-brained for my own good, I always considered collages to be the useless stepchild of the art family, lacking in originality, purpose, or artistic merit. It's bad enough that making a collage entails taking the detritus of human existence and gluing or stapling it to construction paper with a few strands of wasted macaroni that would be better served up with some Velveeta Cheese. What's worse is that every time a school teacher assigns a collage, there's always some deep psychological mindset instilled upon the students to make it seem more important than it re... - Tuesday, October 10, 2006:
Pointless Vignette Day He's there with clockwork predictability, no matter what time of the day you visit. He's there when you slip in at 9:25 on Saturday morning just as the big gates open, he's there when you stop by the Costco at 2:00 on your way home from work, and he's there at closing. He's the guy that sits alone at the Costco eatery with a pizza meal that plays understudy to breakfast, lunch, and dinner spread across the table in front of him. Look to your left as you pass the geriatric bouncer and you'll spy him there, hunched over his meal. Once you've made your purchases and arrive in line behind the Vietnamese guy with the flatbed cart full of bottled water, you'll see him again. He's never that interested in the meal itself but it's ... - Wednesday, September 27, 2006:
No Good Advice The human race has a morbid curiousity with the misfortune of others, manifested in the way we rubberneck at accidents on the interstate or check the evening news for an increase in violent crimes and embarassing misdemeanors. My personal form of this guilty pleasure is to read the advice columns in the newspaper, because it's always comforting to know that there are people more clueless and socially inept than anyone I've ever known. Just yesterday, the following letter appeared: I met a man on the Internet one year ago. We have been exchanging e-mails three times a week. He doesn't like to talk on the phone. He has told me time and time again that he loves me and wants to marry me. We have met only five times ... - Monday, September 18, 2006:
Composing Redux The last hardcore composition I wrote was my Master's thesis, an obviously light-hearted fifteen minutes of bombasticism finished in January 2003 . The last composing I did at all was a brass quintet commission of God Bless America in November 2003 . Since then, all I've done are a few middle school transcriptions and the occasional preservation of a catchy germ in my head (so I have date stamped proof when some television clown steals my melody, after which I will sue them and live the remainder of my life in luxury on a houseboat on the Potomac). After almost three years away from the keyboard, I decided this weekend to start composing again. This is a daunting task on a... - Wednesday, September 06, 2006:
Missing in Action During a season premiere of Alias , Agent Weiss gets shot in the neck and vanishes for several episodes, only to reemerge from the hospital, hale and whole, towards the end of the season. In the ninth season of Friends , Chandler's job gets relocated to Tulsa, which results in him getting about two minutes of screen time each episode (usually making a self-deprecating joke about his job before exiting stage left). At first glance, these seem to be oridnary plot twists, meant to bring a fresh perspective or introduce new drama in an otherwise familiar storyline. The actuality is rather mundane -- the storyline was changed to accomodate the schedule of the actors involved -- Greg Gunberg got a part... - Monday, August 07, 2006:
Genericide There was an article in the Post on Saturday discussing how the word "Google" has become mainstream enough to appear in print dictionaries and be used as a regular verb . I know that I've used the word as a verb many a time, and hear it daily in conversation. Apparently Google doesn't like it though, as the Post received a cease-and-desist letter, saying that it's an example of genericide. This term sounds much more ominous than it should and brings to mind the complete destruction of all generic grocery store brands, but it just refers to turning a trademark into a generic English word. The best part of Google's letter to the Post was that they included examples of how best to use the word Google in... - Wednesday, August 02, 2006:
Untitled Post Whenever you go to the Outer Banks, you hear old-timers waxing poetic about the good ole days when beer was a nickle and there were only four people on the beach, all of them related to the Hatfields. Nowadays, a weekend in OBX brings a caravan of SUVs as far as the eye can see, as well as a Home Depot, a Walmart, and even a Harris Teeter, and there's talk of building a new bridge thirty miles north of the sole entry point to allow easier access to several of the towns. I agree that all of this reaches northern Virginian levels of excessiveness, but I don't necessarily harbor any sentimental vehemence against it all. When we'd take our family vacations to Nag's Head in the late 1980s, we would stay in a tiny cr... - Wednesday, July 05, 2006:
Focus Welcome back from your four-day weekend of drinking and easy women (or, if you spent the time on a retreat at a Bible camp full of old Southern Baptists, "wheezy hymnin' "). I actually worked on both Monday and Tuesday of this week, but to maintain my patriotic facade, I seized upon the excuse to be lazy and not update my web site -- to do any less would be to deny the Amberican way. These past couple of weeks have found me in a mood of split focus, where I'm really not doing much at all, but I feel as if I have too many side projects going on and can't muster up the enthusiasm to bring any of them to fruition. For example, I have my master bedroom coated in masking tape ready for the walls to be painted PUFFIN BAY GR... - Thursday, June 29, 2006:
Catriotic I was minding my own business yesterday afternoon when it suddenly occurred to me that one of my cats bears an uncanny resemblance to a map of the United States. Apparently Amber is fiercely patriotic. I quickly rushed to get my camera so you could have photographic proof of this strange phenomenon. Her legs are obviously Baja California and Florida, respectively. If you are having trouble seeing the similarities, then take a look at the overlay below. It's clear as day! I live right at the cat's mouth. I haven't yet figured out what this means, but I'm sure it's important because that's where the food goes. In counerpoint, Portland, Oregon is apparently the pooper end of the U.S. Te... - Wednesday, June 21, 2006:
Observation Day BU's First Law of Size: As products become smaller through miniaturization, the size of their packaging will change in the opposite direction . The original Nintendo Entertainment System cartridges were comfortably big -- you could grip them under your thumb and slap someone across the face with satisfying sting and sound effect. Their packaging was roughly the same size so there was no wasted space. Today's cartridges for the Nintendo DS are smaller than a packet of Sweet N' Low. One of them actually got lost in the folds of my elbow flab yesterday (I shit you not!). However, these tiny cartridges are still packaged in containers that are the size of the old NES games, and to top it off (becaus... - Thursday, June 15, 2006:
Variety Packs A life lesson that bulk shoppers pick up very quickly is this: if you purchase something in a variety pack, you will never like every single flavour or brand in the pack. It seems to be mathematically impossible for a food company to create a variety pack that's 100% appetizing if there are more than 3 different types bundled together. For example, on my shelf at work I have the following: Nutri-Grain Cereal Bars: Strawberry and Blueberry are keen. Apple Cinnamon, not so hot. Potato Chips: Hooray for Cheetos, Fritos and Cool Ranch Doritos, but did they have to make 20% of the variety pack Nacho Cheese Doritos? At least they've stopped putting in the Bar-B-Que potato chips. I always donated those... - Wednesday, June 07, 2006:
In Dreams In Dreams was a really bad horror thriller from 1999, starring Annette Bening and a bushel of apples. That's all I can remember from a movie which was otherwise repressed from my mind. We watched this movie in the theatres in Blacksburg -- it was picked out by Shac who was notoriously bad at choosing good movies to blow seven bucks on (see also, The Thin Red Line ). When I was in junior high, I used to record my dreams immediately upon waking up, but that habit is so far in the past now that I rarely even remember that I dreamt at all most days. I don't think there's ever been a case where significant events I dreamed eventually came true (which was the premise of Annette Bening Makes Appl... - Tuesday, May 30, 2006:
Spoiler Day I have decided that most of the population of the world is completely incapable of understanding the concept of spoilers, and even those that do are sometimes unable to effectively talk about the endings of books or movies in a non-spoilerish way. If you are unhip to the world of entertainment lingo like "jump the shark" and "frost up a smoothie", a "spoiler" is simply any detail about the plot of a movie, book, or show, that isn't common knowledge. It can be the big reveal about the murderer, or just a tiny detail about LOST that suddenly puts everything in a whole new light. Now that the Internet is here it's become even more difficult to read stories about other shows and movies without seeing pop references to spoilers from ... - Monday, May 22, 2006:
Alphabet Day People will say that I blatantly stole this post from Sam or Kim but history proves that I actually invented this game in October 2005 and history is mostly infallible. I say "mostly" because I invented the Latin alphabet itself too, but being a minority, the Man took credit away from me for that. This is also the reason no modern pianos have the note, J-flat, even though it's featured prominently in many of my compositions. Accent: I would love to claim that I have a pure unadulterated Northern Virginian yuppy accent, except that yesterday the phrase "Nuttin' wrong wi' that." popped up in conversation, out of the blue, like the hidden prize in my Cra... - Monday, May 15, 2006:
Flexibility Flexibility is what lets gymnasts do front walkovers and back handsprings, but this post has nothing to do with the Oscar-deserving gynmastics flick, Stick It (subtitled for foreign markets as An Excuse to Slowly Pan The Camera Over Teenage Ass in Leotards for Two Hours ). I'm merely using the pictures to attract new readers. Since yesterday was Mother's Day, every other article in the Washington Post was arguing for increased flexibility for parents in the workforce. Growing up in a family full of U.S. government workers who had more leave time than there are days in the year, and working at a private tech company that provides this flexibility without a second thought really makes me take it for granted.... - Monday, April 10, 2006:
The Car As a Microcosm of Its Owner's Cleanliness: A Highly Scientific Study You may think your friends are neat individuals, vacuuming the house before they have company, or shaving their lambchops off before the big dance. They might fool the public by having a nice clean desk with all the clutter tucked safely away in a drawer. However, all bets are off when you take a peek in their car. One glance through the back window is usually enough to confirm or dispel the myths about their cleanliness. Walk down the row of any parking lot and you'll see a variety of cars with their interiors in various states of clutter, from impeccably spotless cars that show the owner is out at the gas station every Friday afternoon at the 25 cent vacuum, to cars so filled with receipts and bags and fast food wra... - Wednesday, March 29, 2006:
Po Po Platter Day List Day: One Things I Learned About Birds If you go to the store and buy a bag of mixed bird seed for your bird feeder so your cats have something to watch all day long while you're at work, it will not attract a panoply of different birds. Instead, you will get one type of bird and they will eat the one type of seed they like while throwing all the rest on your porch for you to sweep up. Then they will poop on your stoop. Movie Review Day Cameron Crowe's Elizabethtown was "okay" -- not groundbreaking and not horrible. My ass informs me that it was about twenty minutes too long (my ass often informs me of such things) and I think Natalie Portman was a better "quirky... - Wednesday, February 22, 2006:
Untitled Post Happy 222 Day! As longtime readers are no doubt aware, 222 is mystical number that occurs frequently throughout nature. 222 was first discovered by scientists (or at least, computer science majors) at Virginia Tech, since the "trumpet house" (where delinquency-contributing parties were often held) was at 222 Janie Lane. In those days, the tradition of Forty Friday was a weekly occurrence, and band members would regularly stumble to Marching Band practice following a meeting of their lips and a bottle of alcohol with the specified number of ounces. As time went by and the number of 40s increased, the band director decided that alcohol had a negative effect on a band which was already incapable of marching and p... - Thursday, February 16, 2006:
Phone Day I've been getting an increasing number of trash phone calls, after having almost zero for the first two years of living here. About half are recordings from Loudoun politicians wanting tell me why they rock so much. Recently, someone has been calling from inside a Circle K while I'm at work and they don't leave a message. I guess strange things are afoot at the Circle K. I still do not own a cell phone. When I borrow peoples' cell phones to make calls, I usually have to get them to tell me which buttons to push. My phone number is easy to remember because the first five digits are the same. Some people remember other phone numbers by spelling words with the letters below each number. I remember ... - Wednesday, February 15, 2006:
The Evolution of Lunch I won an award at work for the series of lunchtime seminars I gave last summer on music. The prize was a silver metallic lunch box with my name on it that I will place on the window ledge overlooking the office building next door in my posh office, where I will use it as a conversation-starter with next year's batch of hot, impressionable computer science interns. I haven't owned a lunch box since elementary school, and it was probably a Transformer or He-Man lunch box made of metal. The Thermos always smelled of spoilt milk, because we had to have our three glasses of milk per day, and the hinges were always rusted out from the milk that leaked from the Thermos. Since the beverage took up a good 45% of the box space,... - Thursday, January 26, 2006:
Untitled Post I came back from the doctor's office with a clean bill of health yesterday. I'm not a viral spawn of destruction and there's no Spanish moss growing in my lungs. The doctor just said that my cough is a leftover throat condition from my cold two weeks ago. She prescribed an over-the-counter cough medicine for the daytime and a narcotic cough suppressant for the night, but I ended up getting neither. I reason that if my only course of action is to wait for the cough to go away, then one medicine is just as good as the next: I'm already using an over-the-counter drug during the day, and if the prescription drug is just to help me sleep better, I can get the same effect with Nyquil. Just in case though, I'm going to be working at home unt... - Wednesday, January 25, 2006:
Untitled Post I'm pretty lackadaisical when it comes to my health, as evidenced by the fact that my dentist visits that occur less often than the Summer Olympics. When I'm legitimately sick, I actually stay home from work and recuperate rather than become a walking Asian of Contagion in the office and I'm considerate enough to not hang around my friends when I should be quarantined (though I bet they have all caught my infectious zeal for life! LOL!). In my super-immuno mindset, anything that can't be cured with lots of fluids and bed rest will naturally go away when it's run its course, so I only go to doctors when absolutely necessary. For example, I had planned to get my wisdom teeth removed this month -- it's been on my short ... - Tuesday, December 20, 2005:
Untitled Post I hear that Bono is 33.3% of Time 's Man of the Year Award for 2005, sharing the honor with Bill Gates and Mrs. Bill. Normally, I find celebrities' self-indulgence and disconnect with the real world highly amusing, but when it comes to Bono, I just get annoyed and impugn with impunity his worthiness to win. At least they picked two other winners, otherwise his ego might expand to an unimaginable point, increasing the surrounding air pressure, melting polar ice caps, and stranding thousands of sperm whales off an archipelago in the sea. I'm sure Bono has indirectly done some good for Africa by wearing leather pants and rearranging the same song for twenty years, but there's just something incredibly smarmy ... - Thursday, December 15, 2005:
Musical Musings The temperature was near 10 degrees with gusty winds, since this morning was an appetizer for the wintry mix we're supposed to get later today. So it was with great reluctance that I woke up at 7:30 AM instead of 5:30 AM and cranked the heat up to a toasty 73 degrees. Now you are at work, and I'm not. LOL! Actually, I had already planned on taking today off, because by the end of yesterday I was already one hour over my quota for the pay period, and I don't believe in overtime unless it's for something extraordinary (see also, December 2004 where I worked 80-hour weeks for about two months). After a leisurely morning of English muffins, blankets, and cats, I'm now ready to sit down to write today's update. ... - Wednesday, December 14, 2005:
Drive-By Musings Why do tow trucks get flashing lights? Is it to say, "Look at me, I haul broken stuff."? Are they more dangerous than any other car and thus, require extra warning signs? If so, then why don't student drivers and drivers from Maryland get flashing lights too? Why are speeding, aggressive driving, and reckless driving all given a negative perception when reckless driving is really the only dangerous one? You could be driving eighty miles an hour on any highway in the area and still be driving at a safe speed for the conditions at the time. Speeders and aggressive drivers are the ones that keep traffic moving when it would otherwise be congealed by the lolly-gaggers who like to swim four abreast, blocking every la... - Wednesday, December 07, 2005:
Untitled Post The first wave of seasonal drivers hit the roads yesterday -- the ones who apparently stay home all year long and then shower the world with the rain of their inept driving and parking skills, flooding every road and parking lot. Having lived in a cave for eleven months out of the year, they come out in their albino SUVs to go Christmas shopping, completely unaware of how people are used to doing things, like the guy on the Metro who stands on the left side of the escalator, or the retarded coworker that doesn't understand that questions are not welcome when a meeting has already run forty-five minutes over. As Christmas gets closer, these types of people become more prevalent, and you find me staying at home out of stores much ... - Monday, November 21, 2005:
Untitled Post Based on the results of your quiz, you are a: Half-Assed Packrat You save anything and everything that might have sentimental value eighty years from now, from plague-infected stuffed animals to wedding seating cards. Your computer is a veritable treasure trove of useless artifacts like this mockup of the state-of-the-art Lotus Notes intranet page you designed for Pepco at $5.50 an hour, or an MP3 of Blue Ribbon Brass cussing out Kelley Corbett when he slept through yet another recital hearing. You have 180 MB of Cat Movies alone, because you figure that fifty years from now you'll want to remember the time you put a sticky dot on Booty (3MB WMV). Des... - Tuesday, October 25, 2005:
Untitled Post Like four sticks of dynamite in a placid Oklahoma pond, the music world was rocked on its foundations on October 25, 1981, with the birth of Anna Marie Spellerberg. In her formative years, this future Grammy-winning diva was best known for being a part-time music major at Virginia Tech and performed various unplugged duets with cats on the Vaudeville circuit (2MB WMV). As a child, she often dreamed of making it big, and possibly transitioning from music into showbiz, starring in a critical box office success with visionaries like Bruce Willis or Frankie Muniz. But it wasn't until she met Booty that these dreams became more than a passing whimsy. Athena Hornsboot, born on October 25, 2002, and now known by her ... - Thursday, October 06, 2005:
Alphabet Thursday Alias : Fifth-season debut of the now-pregnant, now-Mrs. Ben Affleck's action drama suffered the show's worst opening numbers ever -- just 8.2 million viewers. We wondered why and, since we've never gotten this one, turned to one of its most ardent fans, who directed our attention to a recent "Alias" promo in which ABC managed to jam the words "child," "father," "daddy," "pregnancy" "hormones" and "baby" into just 30 seconds, and added, "Loving a show is like loving a man -- you're only going to get your heart broken." - Washington Post B.W.I. : I was up at 3:30 this morning to take someone to the Baltimore-Washington-International Airport -- the one that fools you into thinking it's closer... - Wednesday, October 05, 2005:
Untitled Post Have you ever been roused out of a deep sleep by a loud noise that's gone by the time you become aware? That happened to me last night -- I woke up at 12:22 AM to silence. I hadn't consciously heard anything, but knew somehow that an incredibly sharp, loud crash had happened somewhere in the house. I was going to blame it on the cats, because Booty has been known to fall down the stairs, Kitty has been known to tip over trash cans with turkey bits in them, and Sydney and Amber just mess everything up. But as my eyes adjusted to the pleasant darkness caused by the lack of street lamps in Loudoun County, I saw that both of my cats were sitting on my beds, staringly intently out into the hallway. I say beds because I have a twin be... - Tuesday, September 20, 2005:
Untitled Post I gradually woke up this morning at 3:54 AM to what sounded like multiple ghost raccoons running back and forth over my head. I sleep in the back corner of my house so the roof is relatively close to my bed, but I do have an attic space, so I shouldn't be able to hear any small animals on the roof. I laid in bed for two or three minutes listening to the continuous pitter-patter of feet (which never abated for that whole time) before the ghost beasts ran to the corner of the roof. Then, it sounded like they all dived down the chimney -- as if Bob Barker had dropped seven or eight Plinko chips down the Plinko machine all at once. At that point, I got up and went to the window, half expecting something to be leering at ... - Monday, September 19, 2005:
Untitled Post As exhibit A of my domestication, I present the "Merlot" velvet drapes I purchased on Friday for the downstairs guest room . I applied my considerable Handy Man™ skills to hanging them this weekend, not realizing that I had actually only bought two panels, not two sets of drapes. I almost considered putting one panel on each window, but I think that constitutes a bannable offense in the Homemaker Club. So, I now have one window with drapes and one without, until I get enough momentum to roll through Target again. Besides this brief foray into the world of home decoration and a few hours spent reorganizing my file cabinet (the one full of secret files on all of you), my weekend was relaxingly useless. I du... - Wednesday, September 07, 2005:
Untitled Post Just in case there were going to be network problems at work today, I uploaded this update around 5:45 AM this morning, right before I left for work but after Amber played "Punch A Rat" with my face to get me up for breakfast (hers). See? They should have put me in charge of Katrina clean-up. A Boy Scout is always prepared. Incidentally, my Eagle Scout card expired in 2003, ten years after I earned the badge. This probably means that I'm a big poser until I pay the fifty bucks to renew the card, but I still keep the expired one on top of my license in my wallet. The purpose of this placement is to give state police officers an eyeful when they pull me over, so they see that I'm a trustworthy (loyal, and helpful) individual... - Wednesday, August 24, 2005:
Untitled Post The complete set of Calvin and Hobbes cartoons is being released as a massive hardback tome: . This is excellent. Calvin and Hobbes is my favourite comic strip, probably followed in no particular order by The Far Side and the very early Peanuts (the collections from the 1950s). Sluggy Freelance was pretty decent until it decided to start sucking and never recovered. I can't decide whether it was good that Calvin and Hobbes stopped in its prime, or whether a few more years would have been nice. Two cartoons which should end immediately and unequivocally would be Garfield and the Family Circus. This opinion is rather ironic, since my family owned every single cartoon book in both series when I w... - Wednesday, August 10, 2005:
Untitled Post In my lifetime, a new type of store has gained prominence: the store with everything you never needed. You walk into one of these bazaars to discover things you never knew existed but which you can't possibly live without. A case in point is the squat metal box currently anchored to the side of my cabinet which I found at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for a mere ten dollars. You can stuff it full of plastic bags after you're done unpacking groceries, and then you take them out the side whenever you need a bag in the future. I'm not sure which is sadder, the fact that I have a store-bought container to hold containers mounted on a container, or the fact that there's a smaller variety hanging over the litter box specifically t... - Tuesday, February 17, 2004:
Untitled Post A social phenomenon that I've always found interesting is the day-after conversation that follows when two people cross paths. If a person happens to spot someone with whom he or she is reasonably familiar, but doesn't get close enough to say hello (driving in cars is a common example), that person will feel compelled to mention the sighting the next day at school or work. The viewer cannot just cite the viewing though -- he must first ask if the viewee was there at the given time, to ensure that it was no mistake. If the viewee says yes, the viewer will then mention the sighting. At this point, the viewee is never satisfied with just a blanket sighting statement -- he will ask the viewer to pinpoint the exact location, li... - Wednesday, January 21, 2004:
Untitled Post About five months ago, I got an e-mail out of the blue from an old college friend at Tech. Amidst the standard "how are you?" and "here's how I am" rigmarole, was this: The really exciting thing going on with me is that I started my own business about 4 months ago. It's going really well. I've met a lot of great people. Basically, I'm running a business development team that expands business for companies that have e-commerce websites. So I'm building this business outside of my full-time job. It's very flexible and I take care of all my business online. I'll double my net income over the next 12-18 months. I thought it was a pretty weird thing to put in a "reconnecting" e-mail but simply replied to... - Wednesday, November 05, 2003:
Untitled Post C.W. 'Levi' Levy (I) Age : 71 Residence : None given. Education : None given. Occupation : Politician, cat lover and dreamer. Extra-curricular activities : None. Why should voters elect you? "Voting for Levi Levy will guarantee a happy ending to health problems that have not been addressed by currently elected officials." What do you think is the most urgent problem facing your jurisdiction? "Raising enough money to cover health insurance premiums for 10,000 to 20,000 eastern Fairfax County residents not currently covered in the event of a typhus epidemic caused by an eruption of wharf ... - Tuesday, April 29, 2003:
Untitled Post It's been two full years since my crazy final undergraduate recital. If I had it all to do over, I would have dropped the brass quintet piece, added another brass ensemble piece or a vocal piece, and sped up the Arutunian. I'd also print about fifty fewer of those novel-sized programs. I'm looking forward to getting a new TV in Virginia and playing video games. Over the past few months, the image on my current TV has slowly bled off the top of the screen so every actor looks like a midget with a giant forehead (the bottom half is still properly proportioned). Since almost every video game puts pertinent information like health and time at the top of the screen, it's like I'm playing the games in an iron man competit... - Monday, April 28, 2003:
Untitled Post During my whirlwind musical explorations, I discovered the British group, Coldplay, and liked their stuff enough to buy their two CDs, Parachutes , and Rush of Blood to the Head . They have a very laid-back and tastefully clean sound that I enjoy listening to. A couple of good numbers you might like listening to: Yellow, Shiver, Clocks, and God Put a Smile on Your Face. Also the song, Scientist, isn't spectacular, but it's got a very artsy video. If you've got a fast enough connection, you can watch it here (WMV 15.7MB). I met with Dr. Spencer this morning to go over the details of the MFIT project and he gave it his stamp of approval. From there I wandered around campus turning in keys ... - Sunday, April 27, 2003:
Untitled Post Tonight is the penultimate night of new Alias episodes for season two. Next Sunday, ABC will be showing the last two episodes of the season back to back. Watch. This afternoon is the annual theory/ comp department gala, where grad students and professors team up for three-legged drinking games and sumo wrestling. It will be followed by the annual steel drum concert where various pan players warm up the stage for the weird fruit-slicing gamelan ensemble that follows. I have the hardest time spelling the various forms of the word "occasion". No matter how many times I look it up, it always looks wrong and I end up double-checking. My future plans (III of V): &n... - Saturday, April 26, 2003:
Untitled Post It doesn't look so bad in the picture, but a tree fell on a car outside my building last night. I think the Spanish Moss is fighting back. We had a TA grading party last night at a professor's house. The purpose was to grade the Sight Singing / Eartraining II final exams and the party came complete with food and vocal renditions of the latest pop hits by a four-year-old. Grading dictation would be much easier if it were multiple choice on Scantrons: Can you hear this note? A) Yes B) No How about this note? A) Yes B) No My future plans (II of V): I have a few program... - Friday, April 25, 2003:
Untitled Post Booty is six months old today. To celebrate her birthday, I fed her breakfast and told her she didn't have to do chores. I also put her 150th picture up on the Photos page. My future plans (I of V): After I return to Virginia in a week's time, my first task will be to become a resident of the state again. This means I need to do all the paperwork, get licenses and IDs, and get my car inspected. At the same time, I'll be looking for a comfortable one or two bedroom apartment outside the Beltway (hopefully in an established development between the Toll Road and I-66). I'd like to have all the moving and signing busywork taken care of before Memorial Day so I can sta... - Tuesday, March 04, 2003:
Untitled Post What numbers do you see in the random dot patterns to the left? If you're normal, you'll see 25, 29, 45, 56, 6, and 8, although some may be easier to see than others. When I look at this same test, I can see 25 clearly and a thin-line outline of 56. The rest of the circles are just filled with random dots. That's because I'm red-green colour-blind. It's hard explaining colour-blindness to people sometimes because they just don't get that concrete concepts like red and blue could ever be seen differently. I've always wondered how to show colour-normal people what I see when I look at tests like this and finally came up with a solution. I put the image into Photoshop and isolated the image into channels of... - Monday, January 06, 2003:
Untitled Post From the Holiday Backlog (continued): Recipe for World Peas (heh). A collage of funny pictures of Santa and/or Elves. Random curling statistics. How to build a house of cards. Even more puppies (really cute ones) Good luck. Kathy & Mike Today is the first day of classes at FSU, and for the first time in years, I don't have a single class to go to. This must be what it's like to drop out of college and live in a basement. This month, my time will be ... - Sunday, January 05, 2003:
Untitled Post From the Holiday Backlog: 12/17/02 Brian, We are bored. Nous sommes bored. Please make your updates more interesting and leave out any mention of Les Mis. We tried to ignore the first five-day rant that contaminated your domain, but this is too much. Hence, a list of topics we would like to see covered: Puppies. Etymology of the word 'booyah'. Description of funny college mascots (in the style of John Madden) Strategies for the game Battleship (you sunk my battleship!) &nbs... - Tuesday, December 10, 2002:
Untitled Post A burst of activity hit the SCI listserv this past week, resulting from this semiliterate troll: Competitions really suck when you pay for postage and entry fee and everything and than they dont award you NOTHING or even give you the feedback you at the very least deserve on your piece. You guys know what Im saying? The people that judge these things probably only have degrees and dont know anything. This triggered a slew of intelligent responses, as well as the usual complaints to shut up, and the replies that also used to opportunity to advertise personal sites and music. We're now in the second week of the activity spike with people complaining or posting 'me too!' while others advocate a me... - Friday, December 06, 2002:
Untitled Post It's the last day of classes at FSU. My semester went out with a whimper, since the classes I taught on Wednesday and Friday were optional question-answer periods. I have to give and take an exam next Monday and Wednesday, and then I'll be on the road on Thursday. Poll Time! When was it clearly apparent that Michael Jackson retained no hold on sanity? 1980's: when he began plastic surgery and skin treatment, hiding them behind a facade of 'skin defects' 1993: after charges of pedophile on his California ranch, 'Neverland' July 2002: when he called the head of Sony Music a racist and even Al Sharpton backed away September 2002: when Britney... - Sunday, September 02, 2001:
Untitled Post It's another rainy, cloudy, "stay-inside-with-a-big-book" kind of day, just like yesterday. I re-read the Empire series this past week, and it always impresses me how well-written and planned the plots are. It's probably my second favourite series after Light & Shadows. Last night while keeping up with my Tech brethren online, a low beeping invaded the back of my mind. It was one of those repetitive but persistent sounds that you don't notice for a long time, but one that you can't stop hearing afterwards. After turning off everything loud in my apartment (a fan and a Henry Mancini album), I realized the sound was coming from somewhere in the walls. A little more searching got me closer, when suddenly, it stoppe...
