Posts tagged as website
80 result(s) found in 0.116s.
- Tuesday, May 14, 2013:
Weird Search Day or "How I Stumbled Upon the URI! Zone" Currently, the ratio of searches for ear training cheats to legitimately insane searches is about 12 to 1. chef boyardee rapist It is unclear from this search whether this misanthrope was given the name because he did unspeakable things to canned lunches or because he left a can behind at all of his crime scenes. Alternately, he could bear more than a passing resemblance to the iconic logo, although that giant chef's hat would definitely increase wind resistance during his fleeing activities. mnemonic wiseowl shotgun presentation This mnemonic device is often used in elementary school gun demo... - Tuesday, May 07, 2013:
Census Day Overly Excited Llama is overly excited about the fact that it's been three years since the last website census , and the fact that I can remember this time period is astounding, considering how hard it is to get me to the dentist at least once a year. As you can see from the chart below, visitor counts to the URI! Zone have declined only minimally over the past three years, in spite of the hyper-competitive web of today which offers so many other ways to waste time on the Internet, from Animals Being Dicks to all of the websites where every article starts with a number in the title. I'm not sure what the spike and decline in 2009 was all about -- perhaps people left after my marriage because... - Wednesday, September 19, 2012:
Weird Search Day or "How I Stumbled Upon the URI! Zone" Can you believe that it's been over half a year since the last time I posted the strange Google searches that arrive at my website? is camping possible in the jiffy lube live parking lot At the venue formerly (and less embarrassingly) known as Nissan Pavilion, camping is about all you can do, since the design of this site and its surrounding roads are the urban planning equivalent of driving spermicide. It can take hours to clear the lot after a concert, since the site's only two points of egress vomit cars onto the same two-lane country road, with no direct access to the highway. Motions to rename the neighbouring Ball... - Friday, August 10, 2012:
Random Chart Day: Zone Comments Comments were enabled on this website on April 11, 2003 . Since then, there have been 6483 comments posted. Here's a look at some of the people who talk way too much here (counting all of the previous aliases for the people who did weird things like change their last names or decide not to be Jaood anymore). - Wednesday, August 01, 2012:
New Edition Day When it comes to websites, age is inexorable, barring any accidental domain expirations or federal indictments in New Zealand. The URI! Zone quietly turns 16 today (Olympics-eligible!), since I'm at the beach and too lazy to do anything special. Notable improvements include: A new background, featuring llamas, around the outer edges of content. A new viewport above the website, showing the road you might travel to reach the URI! Zone, which looks unusually like a Laurentian maple forest. The ability to go to the next and previous post from any single "permalink" post, and to see what those posts are titled. An easier-to-read font. More cheese. ... - Tuesday, July 10, 2012:
Blog Physical Day Next month marks the 16th birthday of this website, which has survived and sometimes even thrived as a barnacle of creativity on the Internet's hull since I graduated from high school in 1996. It had humble origins, hosted on my cutting-edge Pentium 60 (with uptime measured in how often I turned it off to travel home for school breaks), and has grown into a hugely popular website where I sometimes see two people visiting at the exact same time ! In honesty, the URI! Zone has gotten a little stale over the past couple years, as real life has reduced the amount of time I spend on it. Also, I have less of a need to seem witty on the Internet now that I'm no longer trolling for a wife. Recently though, I've... - Tuesday, May 29, 2012:
Random Chart Day: URI! Zone Post Tags The problem with tagging posts consistently is that your tags are either too specific to ever see much use, or too general to be useful for searching. Tag Count 12 of 12 75 alias 10 cats 25 charts 21 contests 45 day-to-day 291 deep thoughts 14 favourites 26 fragments 225&... - Monday, May 21, 2012:
Trending Day May 18, 2012: The first day when more Google searchers are interested in video game key bindings than how to cheat at various ear training programs. Cue the infamy. - Wednesday, February 29, 2012:
Weird Search Day or "How I Stumbled Upon the URI! Zone" The number of weird searches has decreased in 2012, and it seems as if many people are using browsers that hide the search term by default. Since this is no good for the sake of comedy, I may have to vote against any privacy rules rolled out in the future. why is milk cheaper at the leesburg virginia costco than at the winchester virginia costco According to data released by the USDA, the number of milk-giving cows which have calved has decreased in Maryland while holding steady in Virginia and West Virginia. This means that many cows have moved out of Maryland and converged upon the inner-Beltway area (sometimes called "black and white f... - Wednesday, October 26, 2011:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" popular trumpet solos played at hockey games I would definitely recommend the third movement of the George Antheil trumpet sonata, as the technical prowess needed to perform it will surely land you some puck bunnies. redneck pooper What does an augmented fourth look like? I've always imagined an augmented fourth to resemble a full-grown lemur with a lazy eye. This is strange because I do not picture a diminished fifth in the same way, even though the two intervals are enharmonically the same. (A diminished fifth looks more like a hunchback in tights). &nb... - Friday, August 05, 2011:
Friday Fragments the reason your kids are so popular ♠ You only have two days left to win a $15 Amazon.com gift certificate, in celebration of this site's 15th birthday. As of 10 AM this morning, there were only 6 contestants -- you don't want to lose to the guy that used a <blink> tag OR the guy that tried to use it and failed and then had to edit his post. ♠ I also took the opportunity to give this page a very minor facelift yesterday -- by the age of 15, it should at least have a pair of hairs or maybe some boobies growing in unexpected areas. I'm trying new fonts as well -- this one may not be the final, but Trebuchet MS is getting stale. On the right, you can find link buttons to t... - Monday, August 01, 2011:
New Edition Day Congratulations to ME, for successfully keeping the URI! Zone (née The URI! Domain) alive for the past fifteen years! I have several taglines I might use to advertise this longevity, including: The URI! Zone: Slightly longer than Gosford Park but way more interesting. The URI! Zone: Older than Google and catching up to The Simpsons. The URI! Zone: Once hosted on Geocities, but always too good for Angelfire. The URI! Zone: Elucidating the need for a 22nd Amendment on blogs since 2004. For the first five years, this website was a funhouse of crap, similar in nature to eBay withou... - Friday, February 04, 2011:
Case Study Day: Blog Deaths Where did everyone go? Blog Last Update Cause of Blog's Death Katie Morton November 2010 Had a baby Kim November 2010 Having a baby Rob K November 2010 Internet outlawed in North Carolina? Dad Gone Mad October 2010 Stalked Mommy Bloggers and sent them pictures of his penis Mike C October 2010 Inexcusabl... - Wednesday, November 17, 2010:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" ATROCIOUS HICKIES The capital letters may be warranted in this search query. Honestly, who would ever want to make out with a molerat? fsu teacher fell off overpass on way to airport Unless the city of Tallahassee has recently gone through the dryer on high heat, it's a little too far to walk to the airport, so it's unlikely that a stereotypically out-of-shape academic would try. Besides the dangers of overpasses, you'd also face a myriad of challenges such as panhandlers, stretches of vacant lots and strip clubs, and the unruly students at Florida A&M. making a hamburger assembly ... - Wednesday, September 01, 2010:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" what did the costco thief in herndon steal? Is this a riddle? He probably stole your sense of entitlement and high HOA fees (in bulk). "african boobies" -saggy -droopy -ugly Everyone knows that boobies are indigenous to the Pacific Ocean, so any you find in Africa must be on holiday. greek mythologist salary This sounds like one of those "careers that don't actually exist" which I probably would have wanted to be involved in for three weeks as a kid. Triton not get your hopes up -- A'Zeus suspect, you Midas well be a Pan handler because the wages of a Greek mytho... - Tuesday, August 24, 2010:
Census Results Day Congratulations to Anna Ahlbin, who is the winner in the census bribery random drawing! I am presuming that she does NOT want a copy of Music Theory From Zarlino to Schenker: A Bibliography and Guide and will send her the $10 Amazon.com gift certificate shortly. The total number of census replies is very close to the results of 2007 census , which means that although readership has decreased, the loudmouths have stayed behind. Notable in their laziness were readers like Brianne, Kim, and Dan Shiplett, and also my Dad, who has not commented on the website since 1996. The respondents tended to fall within two degrees of BU separation, cleanly delineated into the follow... - Thursday, August 05, 2010:
Census Day It's been over three years since I last held a census, and in that time, I've picked up lurkers from such exotic locations as Washington State, Alabama, and San Diego. Even if you have never posted before, take the time today to click on the "comments" link in the lower right and reply to my census -- I would love to know who reads or subscribes to my tripe so I can tailor future updates to your interests! (If you read the URI! Zone from a feed, you will need to follow the link from the actual site, which protects it from spam-bots). Who are you? How do you know me? How and when did you find this site? Where is your website? What would you like to say to the re... - Monday, August 02, 2010:
New Edition Day The URI! Zone turns 14 this month, and if mandatory primary education was a requirement for websites, it would be placed firmly into the eighth grade. For the coming year, expect to see numerous posts attempting to increase the site's popularity through slander and picking on the nerdy websites, coupled with the occasional embarrassing crush on websites of the opposite sex. I don't really know how you can determine the gender of a website (maybe "View Page Source" would work) but in my opinion, the URI! Zone is definitely a dude. To celebrate the milestone of surviving for fourteen years without dying to lack of interest, lapsed domain registrations through really bad webhosts, and the possibility of a ma... - Tuesday, July 06, 2010:
Stuff In My Drawers Day: Old Websites I created this Lotus Notes website for PEPCO in the second summer of my $5/hr "computer science" internship. The graphics were excreted from an early version of Paint Shop Pro, and the effort took roughly eight hours of development, spread over twelve weeks of service, in which I also sorted mail, computed fly-ash tickets, and chatted on the Webchat Broadcasting System . It was abandoned after I left, because all of the actual site content existed in a set of four-inch binders on a shelf, and no one wanted to scan or retype them. I wrote and ran the MV Trumpets website for 3 of my 5 years in band. If I recall correctly, there was drama and a coup f... - Wednesday, June 02, 2010:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" It's time for another round of strange Google keyword searches that lead to my site. All of these searches were actually performed by peculiar people over the last couple of months. did totino's change their recipe there are no seeds in it At least on the East Coast, Totino's pizzas still have seasoning seeds on them. The only noticeable change is that the packaging now tells you to cook the pizza for three additional minutes, as if that will protect you from the E. coli on the pepperoni. john tesh wedding registry dishes Start your marriage off on the right foot by eating green beans off of... - Wednesday, February 17, 2010:
Weird Search Day or "How I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" alligator coverall mario In his alligator suit, Mario can eat enemies, flip Luigi to higher platforms on his snout, and turn into the Princess when the temperature drops below 86 degrees Farenheit. "spanish poem" about the virginia tech Because I don't speak Spanish, here's one in French instead. Note that it actually rhymes. J'aime aller à l'Institut Polytechnique de la Virginie et l'Université de l'Etat, c'est magnifique. Parce que "Wahoo" ressemble à du "Waterloo" Et c'est où Napoleon a perdu. Quand il perdes, Il dit "Merde!", Et ce n'e... - Monday, February 15, 2010:
Weekend Wrap-up I generally try to conserve my words on federal holidays, so here is a chart showing what I did in the 48 hours that constituted the weekend: As a minor site improvement, if you are an old-timer who changed your posting name in the past, your old posts have been merged into your total post count, and your old nicknames will appear on your Poster page (found by clicking on the magnifying glass in the Comments section, after you have posted something). Need to get over your love? Call Death Bear. Virginia House protects us from the antichrist Authorities also said Johnson had a sledge... - Tuesday, February 09, 2010:
New Feature Day Back during the infancy of this site, I hated to rely on any third-party applications for site functionality. In the early days, this is why everything was a homegrown brew of JavaScript (from jukeboxes to slot machines), and why I even wrote my own Evite application (BUVite) just three years ago. Today, it's nearly impossible to do anything without someone else's library, and I've gradually introduced things like jQuery plugins and XML parsing libraries to improve the site. For example, the URI! Zone runs on the Spring MVC framework, but the blogging tools and feed generation code are 100% homegrown. Just last month, I moved all my photos over to Picasa, conceding that their album management tools were... - Tuesday, January 05, 2010:
List Day: Five Website Improvements While I travel down the snowy Pennsylvania Turnpike on the way back from Columbus, here is a list of the website improvements I made over the Christmas break, which you may have already noticed. TABLE-free : In some circles, the use of TABLE HTML tags for layout purposes is a cardinal sin -- you may as well have stuck your baby in FRAMESET with BLINK tags. After almost six years of table layouts, the URI! Zone is now cresting the wave of yesterday's cutting edge innovation with full CSS-based layouts. Of course, it only took six extra hours to make it look correct in Internet Explorer. Next up might be to convert the site into XHTML, which has been on my TO-DO list since October 2003. &nb... - Wednesday, December 02, 2009:
Weird Search Day or "How I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" catchy captions for heat capacity what chapter does it talk about jem and the lightpole? This dialogue actually takes place in Chapter One of the ghost-written autobiography. In Chapter Two, technology advances sufficiently enough to allow the lightpole to diffuse the light, and by Chapter Three, the Holograms are complete. news about basement plastic surgery in Lowell, Massachusetts Apparently Mike (of Mike and Chompy) has been running a side business in addition to his musical teachings and the cheating of online merchants. This is probably his proactive approach to... - Wednesday, September 23, 2009:
Weird Search Day or "How I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" applebees operational flow charts Applebee's is a shallow organizational structure, with the bulk of employees reporting directly to Mr. Applebee. In the event of the catastrophic loss of the CEO, the strongest employees will have a food fight to determine who will succeed him. My money is on the server armed with "con sizzle". Reston Town Center drug dealer I highly doubt that someone in this line of work advertises their services on the Internet. Your best bet would be to visit the town center in person and sidle up to shady individuals near the fountain, asking them if they "have a cousin named Sven". &n... - Wednesday, August 26, 2009:
Weird Search Day or "How I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" how to make gangster hats out of construction paper Start with a ribbed paper plate (for your pleasure) and paint it completely black for the brim. Roll a piece of grey construction paper into a cylinder (or a Moebius strip if you are a savvy gangster that isn't quite what he seems). Secure with tape or gum. pepco prostitution ring A prostitution ring at the highest levels of PEPCO management was able to remain a closely-guarded secret for quite a few years, until one unfortunate period of media attention when the "manholes" kept erupting prematurely. how can i find swiss swatch in... - Monday, August 03, 2009:
New Edition Day The URI! Zone turns 13 this month, so it may grow hair in unexpected places and become interested in kissing other blogs. If nothing else, my site will always be older than Google, and in another year, it will have outlasted the entire lifespan of Geocities, the free web host of the 90s. The new changes for the Fourteenth Edition are minimal because I've been busy with work, writing games, playing games, and planning weddings. Most salient are new avatars for anyone that posts regularly, additional calendar pictures, and an updated banner at the top which is more artsy and less utilitarian. (It can double as a low-budget Rorschach test in a jiffy). I would also like to note that it is a banner, and not a masthead,... - Wednesday, July 29, 2009:
Weird Search Day or "How I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" Today is Mike's (of Mike's and Chompy's) lucky day, since the number of strange Google searches are increasing exponentially, and leaving enough search terms for more than one Weird Search Day this month! frottage in wave pool It seems almost oxymoronic to have dry humping in the water, not to mention dangerous, since you might be in flagrante when struck by a fat kid on an inner-tube. This is not sexy. ask jeeves is it OK to fly 2 weeks after having wisdom teeth removed? HEAVENS NO!! THERES A PRESSURE CHANGE WHEN YOU GO UP IN A PLANE AND ALL THE BLOOD IN UR BODY WILL SHOOT OUT THROUGH THE HOLES... - Thursday, July 16, 2009:
Weird Search Day or "How I Stumbled Upon the URI! Zone" who sings i see you baby shakin dat ass Groove Armada sings this instant classic, and the Fatboy Slim remix ranks very high on the "Worst Songs in the World Not Sung By TATU" scale. piece of food is stuck between my esophagus and windpipe uncomfortable Apparently, this unfortunate searcher was unlucky enough to get a piece of food directly between two tubes. The first step would be to have an operation to get his useless epiglottis realigned, since it obviously wasn't doing its job correctly. Next, he should either induce vomiting or poke the food down the esophagus with a couple of Q-tips taped to... - Monday, June 08, 2009:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" kim bauer useless what temp does a fire blanket get up to on a frystation It starts innocently, with this entry level McDonald's employee throwing things on the deep fat fryer. Before you know it, he's starting wildfires in Australia. "statement of work" for a camping trip Scope of Work : to live and sleep in the woods Location of Work : the woods Period of Performance : Friday night to Saturday morning Deliverables Schedule : S'mores must be ready NLT 10 PM. Applicable Standards&nbs... - Thursday, April 23, 2009:
New Feature Day: Birthdays, the SQL Buoyed on the tidal wave of positive feedback for the Birthdays feature, I've expanded it with two new perks: At the bottom of the Birthdays panel is a "more" link which will take you to a complete list of all the hundreds of birthdays I've collected. If a birthday person has a Facebook account, you can now click on their name to visit their profile, where you can leave any birthday wishes you'd like. Since many souls don't necessarily visit my site on a daily basis or AT ALL, this will have to suffice until The URI! Zone, like Catholicism, takes over the world. Currently, only birthdays in April and May have had their Facebook accounts connected, but I'll be sure to add the... - Monday, April 20, 2009:
New Feature Day: Birthdays In between a birthday dinner at Foxfire Grill (where I had a delicious prime rib), Dim Sum (which is not just a TI-85 calculator command) at China Garden on Sunday morning, and five hours of work, I finally managed to complete the URI! Zone Birthday Calendar. You can see it on the right, just underneath the little calendar that links back to recent posts. Gleaned from an initial dataload of every birthday listed by my 359 Facebook friends merged with the list I'd been keeping since high school that mostly had people I will never, ever see again, the Birthday Calendar now knows the birthdays of 361 different people, and will show you the birthdays coming up over the next four days (as well as any birthdays that... - Thursday, April 09, 2009:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" hokie mascot hire for weddings For a limited time, you can have the Hokie Guy officiate your wedding for only $3999.95. (Hokie Pokie not included in the base price). ben stiller inpersonal of josquin phoenix It's possible that you were searching for Ben Stiller impersonates Joaquin Phoenix , although I wouldn't put it past Ben Stiller to make a biographical movie about Josquin des Prez, set in modern-day Phoenix. applebees reuses chicken fingers This is part of Applebee's new green strategy, borrowed from the American Indians who used every piece of the buffalo.... - Thursday, February 26, 2009:
Weird Search Day or "How I Stumbled Upon the URI! Zone" fat amputee females wearing peglegs I hope this guy eventually found true love through his fetish, and I also hope her name was Peggy. jennifer garner wearing waders After retiring from the Hollywood scene several years ago, Jennifer Garner returned to idyllic West Virginia where she taught Ben Affleck how to fly fish. shimmy classes in Sterling, Va A good instructional video for learning how to shimmy might be the music video to The Salmon Dance . An Asian chick has sex with an African tribesman. She's lucky they didn't eat her fo... - Thursday, January 08, 2009:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" Pee Pee Galore This is the name of the Bond girl in the childrens' adaptation of Goldfinger . dreaming of kissing a coworker Last year, I wrote an article in which I did NOT kiss any coworkers , which probably wasn't much help to this lovelorn daydreamer. He or she should probably submit a story to the newly reopened Today at Work site, back from a two year hiatus and run by Justin, a former Zone reader. centaurs humping I would imagine that the basic positioning of humping centaurs is similar to that of normal horsie humping, and there are plenty... - Monday, December 08, 2008:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" Those strange Google searches just keep on pouring in. Here's the latest batch and my attempts at fulfillment. TWO REDHEADS BENT OVER clothing optional sterling va I think I'll include this clause in all future party invitations I send out (at least, for the women invitees). rideable hippo Experienced hippo riders can make due with just a saddle. If your hippo has an unusually voracious appetite, and you anticipate that your trip might take you past a field full of large white marbles, I would recommend using a bridle as well so you don't get thrown off d... - Thursday, October 23, 2008:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" Here is the most recent collection of weird search terms for the site. Though the original searchers may have left feeling unfulfilled, future searchers will no doubt be satisfied by my attempts to providing meaningful results. malcolm in the middle sleep shirtless I've gotten a scary number of repeat hits for this search, which was featured in the previous edition of Weird Search Day. I had no idea that there was a subculture in our society fixated on whether Frankie Muniz lets his chest hair hang out at night. kristen bell eclaire Yum! cheat at macgamut / f... - Thursday, September 04, 2008:
Weird Search Day or "how I stumbled upon the URI! Zone" I thought it would take a few months before I had another worthy batch of search engine queries to post, but less than two weeks have passed since the previous installment and the denizens of the Internet have already proven their disturbing natures. Here are 7 real search engine queries that led the unwitting curious to my page. Since this post will now draw more readers interested in the same subjects, I've done what I can to appease their requests. does frankie muniz sleep shirtless? Correspondence with Muniz' agent has revealed the exclusive fact that Frankie Muniz, star of Malcolm in the Middle and My Do... - Friday, August 22, 2008:
Friday Foraging I front-loaded this two-week pay period with additional hours working last weekend, which allowed me to take today off without using up any leave. Front-loading is a highly recommended practice since it results in free vacation days, and since rear-loading just sounds dirty. I'll be spending today watching the second season of Dexter and working on a top secret website project codenamed BUVite. Rather than toss out a Fragments column today, I decided that I would post a list of some recent search-engine queries that brought people here, and then satisfy their needs as best as I could. Jonathan Ke fish lips Jim Henson's Chun King Ad : Actua... - Thursday, August 14, 2008:
New Feature Day: Bloglog The most recent addition to the URI! Zone is an automatically shuffling Bloglog which organizes blogs (both Friendly and Trendy) according to the date of their most recent update. Like the layer of fresh water over a hypoxic part of the Gulf, these eager beaver bloggers will find their links up at the top of the list, stealing all the visitors and oxygen from the blogs listed below them. Three or four times a day (or more if I manually push my giant red button), my BlogChecker loads the Atom or RSS feed of every listed blog, looking for new content. It doesn't delineate between a masterful treatise and the results of a "Which Muppet are you?" poll, because as most readers at work know: it doesn't matter WHAT is po... - Thursday, August 07, 2008:
Return of the Poll Day Traditionally, Wednesday nights at 8 PM have been Mario Kart nights, where multiple drivers get online to test the destructibility of various walls by driving into them continuously until Florida-Mike wins the race and the game ends because the computer doesn't want to wait for everyone else to finish. This week however, I've chosen to sacrifice most of my evenings by improving the website for my dedicated readers. In lieu of Mario Kart, I spent four hours creating a Java poll system which even prevents multiple votes from the same computer. This also means that Florida-Mike will no longer have a guaranteed fourth place in caption contests simply because he voted a lot. There are also over 1240 tags in ... - Tuesday, August 05, 2008:
Cloud Day In my ongoing attempts to appear more worldly than I actually am, I read an article in the Business section of the Post this weekend about a website called Wordle , which generates a Word Cloud for the most recent posts on your site. A Word Cloud is a visual depiction of the most commonly mentioned topics in your posts, organized by size and colour like a freakish colour-blind test. For example, here is the Word Cloud for the previous four posts on the URI! Zone: This is a pretty nifty little invention, although I was sad to see that "boobies" did not play a more prominent role in the proceedings (prominent boobies are an often overlooked aspect of human survival and enjoyment, not unlike an ... - Monday, August 04, 2008:
New Edition Day Welcome to the Thirteenth Edition of the URI! Zone. Were my site a drooly twelve-year-old human, it'd be buying lunch boxes and crappy plastic pencil sharpeners that you have to revolve around the pencil yourself, and heading for the sixth grade, However, since the ratio of Web years to people years is on a scale of fruit flies to dogs, I should probably start looking for a place of web-assisted living soon (maybe urizone.old?) Regular readers will know that I recently switched hosts from Futurepoint to Kattare, which has enabled me to cast off the constraining raincoat of PHP and fully expose my finely-sculpted Java parts to unsuspecting passersby. Among the new features that I've custom-coded over the past c... - Monday, July 28, 2008:
Comments Day The newest feature to grace the URI! Zone is a custom-written database-driven Comments section which is light years ahead of the old file-based one. From a layman's perspective, having a file-based system would be akin to tracking my budget by writing on a brand new Post-It note every time I bought something and sticking it up on my wall for reference. This was fine in the days where it was just Mike complaining about exclamation points and Rob as Finicky correcting my grammar, but after years of hard use and heavy drinking, there were over a thousand little comments files (containing 3805 comments) littered across the server like so many rabbit droppings. Putting it all into a database also lets me analyze the comments in ... - Tuesday, July 08, 2008:
Revamp Day We're just weeks away from the Thirteenth Edition of the URI! Zone, an epochal event which signifies that I've needed a better hobby for almost twelve full years now. Although I have rebranded the site every year with charmingly urbane colours and hip lingo (with Ocean Sounds), I've actually done very little under the hood to make this site any more useful or enjoyable (see also, Microsoft Word 97, 98, 2000, 2001, X, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2007, and 2008). In fact, the last time I actually made major changes to the gears in my site's pants was 2005, when I pretended to be like Florida-Mike and learned about two and a half chapters of PHP before hating it. So as not to stagnate, I've decided to take a page out of the ... - Wednesday, January 02, 2008:
2008: Year of the Mudskipper Happy New Year from the URI! Zone! After a jetsetting weekend of holiday visits that encompassed both Front Royal and Baltimore, New Year's Eve was a quiet, fancy, affair at Kathy and Chris' house, where we paid the ten dollar cover charge to lose ostentatiously in poker. To cover our losses, we stole some of their wedding silverware and sold it at the local pawn shop, Sterling Silver . 2007 was a decent year for the Zone -- it was proven that the Zone now has a credible draw of 23,000 visitors per year without resorting to such devious tricks as having an RSS Feed or mentioning Britney Spears or U2 in post titles. Although the numbers dipped slightly from 2006, I attribute this mainly to Australian Rachel ... - Wednesday, August 01, 2007:
Untitled Post Welcome to the Twelfth Edition of the URI! Zone, guaranteed to be a smashing literary success, because everything is better with an elf in it. Of course, this maxim doesn't apply to the The Lord of the Rings movie trilogy, which could have sported a more-tightly plotted pace by cutting out fourteen elves, thirteen shots of Frodo looking constipated, and at least one scruffy, white actor that looked like all the other scruffy, white actors. Middle Earth should have had more racial variety in its human inhabitants, maybe employing some FOB 1 Asians for the battle scenes. But, I digress. Today's post marks the 1,500th time I've ever written a news post for this site. Granted, some updates w... - Thursday, July 05, 2007:
Audience Participation Day: 2007 Census Results Read the complete survey results here . Happy Birthday Jennifer Ada Stuart Holland Hettinga! Racy movie clips spice up European Union meeting After watermelon, man bites dog to save puppy Price of machetes drops after election - Thursday, June 21, 2007:
Audience Participation Day: Census Time We're celebrating three separate birthdays today: Daniel Bethancourt, a friend from grade school who I haven't heard from in about four years, Liz Benyo, the soprano from Tech who also vanished into the nether, and Chris Smith, who is Kathy's sugardaddy. Happy Birthday! To celebrate this trifecta of ancient-baby-deliveries, I've created the first annual URI! Zone census to get a snapshot of the disparate humanity that comes here. (Birthdays are related to censuses because censuses measure population, and people in the population are usually born at some point). This census has seven questions, which can easily be answered by everyone: Who are you? How do you know me? How did you ... - Monday, April 16, 2007:
By the People, For the People Several years ago, one of the major networks created a documentary about the lives and habits of Nielsen families, those lovable anonymous folks who agree to have all their television habits monitored to determine how many people are actually wasting their lives watching American Idol instead of a PBS special on the Battle of Your Bulge. In a stroke of brilliance, the network aired this documentary during Sweeps Week, and (not surprisingly) every Nielsen family tuned in hoping to catch a glimpse of themselves, sending the scores through the roof. The URI! Zone does not get any advertising dollars for your continuing visits, but I recognize the usefulness of posting stories pertinent to the audience (stay t... - Thursday, October 12, 2006:
Untitled Post Normally, I block out an hour or two for leisurely sitting at my computer in search of inspiration to write the following day's news post. These past couple weeks, it's been hard to keep that time reserved for such pursuits because of a rather hectic work schedule, and yesterday I completely blew that period on putting the finishing touches on my Warsong Gulch guide for Warcraft . This guide should improve your WSG skills and is conveniently located at the subdomain, wsg.urizone.net. In the three years since I first bought this domain, many quaint subdomains have come and gone, like illegitimate foster children of the Internet. Here is a list of them -- how many did you know about? ... - Tuesday, August 01, 2006:
Untitled Post Welcome back! I hope my extended hiatus didn't leave you bored at work and lacking in daily reading materials. My two weeks off were mostly restful, with the first week spent at the beach in a house named Salty Nuts floating in the pool and rereading books I'd already read, and the second week spent at home relaxing and preparing for the new year. I am dubbing August 1 as something of a new beginning for myself because, like large corporations and the Chinese, I find that it's more sensible to bookend eras at a point other than right after Christmas (probably a learned behaviour from nineteen years of "school years"). Since today is Fresh Start Day, it's only fitting that I launch the second part of ... - Thursday, February 02, 2006:
Untitled Post After ten months of scientifically calibrated poll questions, I have come to some interesting conclusions about the visitors of the URI! Zone. People often answer the biweekly poll which appears twice a week in the sidebar, but the results of each poll are usually added to the archived post without fanfare. Since most people don't go back to old posts very often, here is a smattering of the philisophical questions I've asked since the Poll debuted last April. I have already sent this information to several mass-marketing firms along with your social security numbers. If they like what they see, I promise I will give you 5% of the profits. document.write(makePoll("What's your favourite season... - Wednesday, August 03, 2005:
Untitled Post I would say that Monday's 137 visitors counts as a Grand Opening success. People seem to enjoy my new style of updates, so I will continue in the same vein for the forseeable future. To horribly mangle one emailer's thoughts for the purposes of amusing yet inaccurate paraphrasing, my site bleeds sarcasm like a Ham and Cheese Hot Pocket left in the microwave for six minutes too long. The original sentence was "[you have] become increasingly sarcastic in your 25 years". Lame. I also received several e-mails from people who have been around since the beginning, nine long years ago, when the URI! Domain was a single HTML page and I was being seduced on all sides by website talent scouts promising me Internet fame i... - Monday, August 01, 2005:
Untitled Post This is the inaugural news update for the Tenth Edition of the URI! Zone. From its humble beginnings as the URI! Domain at buri.campus.vt.edu on August 30, 1996, the Zone has grown to epic proportions, now serving as a multinational hub for over seventeen million Internet visitors from eleven countries and twelve major continents. If you are a regular visitor, you will discover several subtle changes in this new Edition: Easier navigation: Nineteen years of public school education and a $40 book on PHP allowed me to simplify the 3-frame layout from the old site. This means that you will be able to easily link to any part of the Zone from your own site, and search engines like Googl... - Wednesday, July 27, 2005:
Untitled Post The Internet is a scary place -- I must be a magnet for Twilight-Zone connections and illicit coincidences, because they're piling up like fish heads on a poor man's smack. In Monday's update, I posted about an old friend in college whose away message was a line from the original Oompa Loompa song. Within eight hours of posting that she had rediscovered my page and sent me an email, after having vanished without a trace for over two years. She's now living in Houston with her husband, possibly moving to Spain in the Fall. It was good to be able to fill in some blanks, and we were able to reconcile past dramas, melo- and otherwise. Tragically for the nosy, past dramas do not get aired in news updates here, as this is a faux-blog rather... - Tuesday, July 05, 2005:
Untitled Post A ton of today's blogs have a page called "100 Things About Me" where the writer describes subtle and not so subtle peculiarities of their life or personality. In an effort to maintain my bandwagoneer membership (which expires soon), I've created a page of my own which you can find in the About section . Regular visitors to this site probably know a lot about what I've done in life, but not so much about who I am. I plowed through about 160 "things" before I ran out of steam, but I'll probably add more as I think of them. I also put a Comments link on that page, so you can dissect the cadaver of my soul at length with other visitors. Happy Birthday Jennifer Ada Stuart Holland Hettinga! &nbs... - Thursday, June 30, 2005:
Untitled Post I finally got off my ass and rewrote the PHP Comments script to show viewers how many comments are written for any given news update, something that Blogger and other blog software has had for years. Kathy and others have said that they never click on the link because they don't want to see an empty page, so hopefully this will inspire a new age of collective arguing. This is an upgrade I've been putting off since comments were introduced in April 2003, but it actually only took about an hour of coding in the end. I'm not a big fan of PHP but I guess it gets the job done. I recently decided to shift the focus of these updates slightly. This site has been a "Dear Diary, this is what I did today" site since I first sta... - Friday, March 25, 2005:
Untitled Post There's now a randomly rotating picture on the overleaf of the calendar. You too have a chance at being the centerfold of the minute! - Monday, March 14, 2005:
Untitled Post Greetings from "I took a week off and you didn't"-ville. Life and cats are good. We're considering the names Sydney and Amber for the kittens, though April might be in the mix too. I'll talk more about them in another update, since this one is reserved for the new look of the URI! Zone. After experimenting with several dramatic layout redesigns, I finally decided on a moderate graphic revision while maintaining most of what worked from the old site. The URI! Zone has been around for nine years now, which makes it younger than the shirts I bought in high school and still wear regularly, but older than most cats or dogs you currently own (Chompy included). I think I finally did the navigation well around Year Eight, so... - Monday, May 17, 2004:
Untitled Post Based on the number of people who visit and my intrinsic laziness, I've decided that the URI! Zone will not be updated on the weekends for the duration of the summer months (until August or so). I may occasionally post an update on the weekend, but there is no need to do ADD-refreshing of the page in anticipation of weekend profundity. This weekend was a fairly productive one. I've gotten everyone in my general vicinity hooked on Alias , and ended up watching about eight back-to-back episodes from Season One with the guy living in my basement who'd never seen them before. Yesterday, I washed the years of accumulated dirt and mold off the house's siding and removed the backing from a wall bookshelf to brigh... - Thursday, December 04, 2003:
Untitled Post I created a site map of every static page in the Zone which should help Google figure out exactly what's going on in here . I also added an entry for the old SCI at FSU site in the Archive. Now the only important thing left to do is create an online poll system for fun and entertainment. Have other suggestions for site features? Let me know using the comments box in the lower right corner of this news post. I think I may start working on my Practica Musica replacement project sometime soon, now that web site work is winding down. See this old news post for my thoughts on music software . There's supposed to be a wintry mix tonight. Is that like a mulatto polar bear? &... - Sunday, November 23, 2003:
Untitled Post I've added a minor feature that will allow you to get to any page in the Zone directly -- useful if you found an interesting article and want to link it. The method involves adding two strings to the end of the URL, one for the section of the Zone and one for the page's ID. The ID is either the name of the HTML file or the ID of the generated content (on the Games page for example, every Doom map has its own ID but not its own HTML file). You can find any file's ID by moving your mouse over it in the Menu and looking at your status bar. Here are some examples: [ This method no longer works. Links have been removed. ] I haven't yet figured out the best way to do this with the Photos, Music, Words, and ... - Saturday, November 01, 2003:
Untitled Post Welcome to the URI! Zone, "an eclectic amalgamation of camp and creativity". The URI! Zone is actually exactly the same as the Eighth Edition of the URI! Domain with a few noticeable improvements: the ability to comment on News posts, a Forum (WOW!), and a web address that's much easier to remember. Take a look around and see what you think. Questions and comments can be directed to the Comments button in the lower right corner of this news post, or to the Forum. This page looks much better if you turn "Underline Links" off in your browser, but to each his own. In the coming weeks, I'll be scraping the HTML barnacles off the four hundred odd pages contained in this site for a clean and standards-based l... - Wednesday, October 29, 2003:
Untitled Post I've been devoting the whole of my evenings to preparing www.urizone.net for a grand opening on November 1. My original plans to make everything XHTML were abandoned as it's far more trouble than it's worth, especially now that this site contains over four hundred standalone HTML files to sort through. The new Zone will open with the most common sections cleaned up, and I'll convert the other sections on a page by page basis afterwards. My forum and News comments work is on schedule as well, and the Online Polls should come soon after. Digital TV to become standard Bomb alert over farting dog Why some people should not be allowed to do h... - Tuesday, October 21, 2003:
Untitled Post I lost a day to a migraine so accept my apologies for not updating yesterday. I registered the name www.urizone.net this morning, and purchased a year-long plan for a recommended web host as well. I got a nice package deal and saved $60 for the whole year. The site name won't be active for a couple of days, and it will still be a couple weeks before I transition over there. I want to get a simplistic forum or news comments working before I make the leap. There were some interesting cases presented for and against www.urizone.net : For: It sounds a little like "horizon" or "uri's one" but it could also be an anti-itch medicine for some unknown ailment or body ... - Sunday, October 19, 2003:
Poll Results www.urirealm.com : 4 www.uricountry.com : 0 www.urijungle.com : 2 www.uriuriuri.com : 11 www.urizoo.net : 9 www.urizone.net : 12 Write-Ins... - Thursday, October 16, 2003:
Untitled Post Poll time. Pick your favourite address, and send it to me by e-mail (bottom of the page): www.urirealm.com www.uricountry.com www.urijungle.com www.uriuriuri.com www.urizoo.net www.urizone.net - Wednesday, October 15, 2003:
Untitled Post I suppose uri.nl is a bad idea for a domain name. Any other suggestions? Right now I'm leaning towards orgella.org because it's repetitive, easy to remember, and short. Plus, I can use it for other purposes if I ever do more than a personal page (unlike uridomain.com or something). uridomain.com is a porn site. Choosing net or org for that might lead to some confusion... The Doctor is In - Tuesday, June 24, 2003:
Untitled Post The Eighth Edition of the URI! Domain opens today to little fanfare. I was unable to update the site two weeks ago because of server problems, and was unable to update last weekend because of my impeccable skill of procrastination. Figuring that I'd better do something good to appease the masses, I decided to go the extra mile and finish off bulk of the new site for this week (one month ahead of schedule! WOW!) (!). Not everything has been translated over from the previous edition (like the Music page and the Writings page), but there's enough here to keep folks happy for a few days while I continue my efforts. The most important changes you'll find (besides the refinement and simplifying of my interface): news archives ar... - Wednesday, April 30, 2003:
Untitled Post Today is the final daily update for the Seventh Edition of the URI! Domain (TRAGIC!). This will also be your last chance to add new comments to News posts (using the Asian button on the upper right corner of this news item) so go ahead and post your final witticism or goodbye as you see fit. The old comments will still be available on the Archive page so you can read them on those long summer days when you get bored with online cards / hook-ups and decide to read all two years' worth of updates in a single sitting. One of my New Year's Resolutions was to devote a little more energy to the updates than I did last semester. How'd I do? I'll be leaving for the homeland tomorrow morning and may not be online regularly f... - Friday, April 11, 2003:
Untitled Post I've decided to learn PHP today. PHP is a server-side language that can be used to add dynamic content to website. Much of the same functionality can be provided with Java servlets, but PHP has the benefit of not being precompiled. So when I'm learning the language, I can just fire up a web browser to test my work, rather than having to compile a bunch of classes and copy them somewhere. I'll try to make some cute demonstration app this afternoon for your amusement. Update! 1:30 PM : You can now add comments to individual news posts, to express your happiness or dismay on a daily basis. Click on the new yellow button above this post and give it a try! This is just a learning project -- the next edition of the UR... - Thursday, April 03, 2003:
Untitled Post I'm still working on the MFIT project on the side -- last night I successfully opened up an entire class of mock students and stored their progress. All that's left of the Instructor's Tool is to write the various "views" so an instructor can see the data by activity or by student, and other fun paradigms. I'm anxious to get this project done and get started on updates for the URI! Domain. I still plan on moving onto a better (but no longer free) webspace by the end of the year, and I've got lots of fun things planned for the update. Among the innovations I'm planning: news comments, a message board, and easier navigation. In the eighth edition of the site, you will be able to add blog-style comments directly to thi... - Sunday, January 26, 2003:
Untitled Post Sunday's update is a little early because I spent Saturday evening cleaning up the Domain and wanted to get everything uploaded. The biggest improvement, besides the graphical overhaul, is the implementation of collapsible menus in every area of the Domain. If you've ever complained about having to scroll waistdeep through crap to get to your favourite Photo section, you're now in luck! Each major subsection of each area is now initially collapsed for everyone who gets stressed by the clutter (like me). This is something of a transitory step since the changes I'd really like to make can't be done until I've bought my own webspace. In the meantime, I've done a quick once-over, but if you find any errors or broken images, please ... - Saturday, August 24, 2002:
Untitled Post I've added a new subsection to the URI! Domain: The artwork of Mike's Apartment. Since last fall, people have been painting and creating artwork which gets hung throughout Mike's Apartment. Now, all the projects to date have been added to the Artwork page with space for the artist to explain why it's excellent or horrible. I don't remember all of the creators or titles, so please send me an e-mail identifying any of your works so you can get credit for them. You can also e-mail me to add some commentary to each of your masterpieces. The only catch: You can use no more and no less than seven words. Another article on violent video games. It's telling to realize that the number one selling video gam... - Sunday, August 11, 2002:
Untitled Post Welcome back to another year of the URI! Domain -- the last sacred bastion of witty repartée and memorable one-liners. I haven't made a lot of changes since the Sixth Edition, so mainly what you'll find is a cosmetic update, some new photos and reviews, and an updated resumé. I have no grandiose plans for this year, but I expect to update the News and Reviews pages fairly regularly. I'll also try to add to the Potpourri section and update the MP3s which are available on the Music page. If you were a dedicated reader of the Sixth Edition and have something you think I should write about, feel free to e-mail me with the mail icon in the upper right corner. I'm back in Tallahassee now after a boring trip last... - Sunday, April 21, 2002:
Untitled Post With over 3100 visitors in nine months, the Sixth Edition of the URI! Domain draws to a close. It's been a great run, and the second semester saw even more people waste their ephemeral lives here than the first. If you've been a regular reader, I thank you for giving me the impetus to maintain daily updates, regardless of whether they were of any lasting value to the human psyche. So I don't burn out on making updates, this site will only be updated on a weekly basis (most likely on the weekends) until school starts up again in August. If you are incredibly bored, take a moment to explore other sections of the Domain, or go to the Archive and read my old news updates (yes, there really are nine months worth of trite news to enj... - Friday, August 31, 2001:
Untitled Post " The University of Florida has about as much right to call themselves a School of Music as I do to call myself a professional golfer. [...] Actually, I have more of a right to call myself a professional golfer. " - professor The Sixth Edition of the URI! Domain has now been around for a month, with over six hundred visitors. Although it never again reached the number of visitors from the first two days, there seems to be a small, dedicated contingent of daily visitors. Thanks to everyone out there for taking the time out of your busy day to stop by! Hopefully you've found something here to amuse you or something that made you forget about the tribulations of life for a few precious seconds. Knowing that people v... - Wednesday, August 01, 2001:
Untitled Post It's the Sixth Edition of the URI! Domain! Coinciding with my move to Tallahassee, every section has been revitalized with new material. Although you may not see major updates in the coming months, I will try to use this space regularly to post news and messages. The Domain will remain at this web address for the forseeable future, and my FGM email will be the e-mail address I check frequently. I originally wanted to include more opportunities for user feedback, like BlogVoices-style comments, message boards, and guestbooks, but until I have a direct connection or access to a server with PHP, I can't use anything from my CGI/PHP bag of tricks. In the meantime, send me your thoughts by clicking the mail icon in the u...
