Electable Me
As a highly patriotic member of my community, I plan on running for Sterling District Supervisor in the upcoming election. Please do your part by printing out my signs and posting them for maximum visibility. Suggested legal spots include: the side of your pet, the bulletin board in the lunch room where your coworker guilts everyone into buying Girl Scout Cookies, some place on the Twitter, or secretly printed on the back cover of the pamphlets from your local Jehovah's Witnesses.
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The success of my campaign depends directly on Department of Justice approval of my proposal to collapse district 701 so it just encompasses my court, because it is much easier to buy the vote of a court than a neighborhood. However, I have full faith in the federal government to recognize a good idea when it sees one.
Move to Sterling and vote for me!
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